


Keep Your Eyes On This Corruption

by surskitty



Series: Step Aside and See the World [8]
Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Animal Transformation, Coming of Age, Conductor Neku, Dysfunctional Relationships, Fanart, Fanfiction, Gen, Illustrated, M/M, Other, Post-Game, Slice of Life, Supernatural Elements, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-03-24 23:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 58,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3787939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surskitty/pseuds/surskitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neku's heading off for college, Joshua's trying to cope with the .5 of his 1.5 friends moving away, and Beat and Shiki are trying to get their lives together.  Shit happens, but things have a way of working out, with effort and a bit of luck. Plus or minus a few undead job offers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Neku Sets the Stage

**Author's Note:**

> Primarily Neku and Joshua-centric, but there's enough Beat involved that I think a reader looking for Beat/Neku wouldn't be disappointed.
> 
> General warnings for abuse, depression, and Hanekoma being a manipulative asshole.

Neku loves Beat and Rhyme like his own family, which is good, because somebody has to. Shiki's his friend, too, but when it comes to the day-to-day, they're from different worlds and it shows. Beat just needed to make one comment about their parents getting on his case about entrance exams for Neku to suggest they have him over for dinner, and the look on Beat's face made his heart hurt.

And Neku doesn't _regret_ that offer, but one step into the Bitou place and … yeah, it's bad. Neku'd brought a nice cake and dressed up for prissy adults' standards and it's still bad, Rhyme sticking next to Beat as they do introductions so Neku has a chance of making a good impression.

God, at least Neku _knows_ his parents don't give a shit; this thing where nothing Beat does will ever be good enough and Rhyme isn't allowed to fail gives him a _headache_ and it's not even about him. He can't imagine dealing with this shit on a regular basis.

` I can't help but think I made the right decision after all,` his phone reads. Joshua, of course, because even when something has nothing to do with him, he just can't keep his nose out of it.

`Don't spy, asshole,` Neku texts back furiously. Beat's looking at him, a bit worried, but Neku just tosses him a shrug. Nothing to worry about. `I didnt even ask you.`

Dinner is … bearable, Neku changing the subject back to himself whenever it sounds like the Bitou parents are going to start in on one of them, and even if he feels like this is too little, too late, at least it's _something_. They quiz Neku on his cram school prep, because of course they do, but even with the backhanded jabs at 'Daisukenojo's lack of motivation', Neku gets the feeling this is still less painful than usual. Fucking hell.

By the time they finally escape, it's all Neku can do to keep from bursting out laughing, from stress if nothing else.

"I think they honestly think I'm going to be a businessman," Neku says, and Beat snickers.

"You and me both, dude. You and me both."

Rhyme grins, and it's the first honest one he's seen since he got there. "I don't know," she chirps. "I think you both look rather dashing."

"Yeah," Beat says, nodding along, "and we're gonna dash right on out of here." They cackle and share a high five. Man, Neku could sure use a sibling some days.

Rhyme sobers a little and looks up at Neku, face kind enough that he's tempted to ruffle her hair. "So what are your _real_ plans?" she asks. "I think we all know you're not really trying to get into Toudai."

"And thank god for that," Neku says with feeling. Ugh, that's not even worth thinking about. "I just applied to get my family off my back; I'm headed to art school, baby!" He coughs. That sounded less cool than he thought it would. "Uh, that's the plan, anyway."

"Tokyo?" Beat checks. Neku nods. "Figured; couldn't see you going far from home."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Neku growls, and Beat pulls him into a tackle-hug. Freaking — and the guy's _still_ built like an athlete (wow, what a shock there) and, uh, actually, once Neku gets his breath back, it's kind of nice. Uh.

This would be less awkward if Rhyme wasn't there, Neku realises, flushing, and Beat must've had the same thought because he backs away and stares at the ceiling. It's not like they haven't experimented before, but, uh —

Rhyme clears her throat.

They all spend a good few seconds finding something _very interesting_ on the wall, and pretty much the only thing that could make this worse would be Joshua texting Neku right about now. One, two, and — speak of the devil and he … actually doesn't butt in this time. Okay. Neku will take what he can get.

A buzz, and Neku nearly drops his phone like it's on fire. `That's what he said,` texts Joshua, helpfully.

"Will that asshole _butt out_ ," Neku growls, and Beat and Rhyme stare at him. "Uh. Joshua."

"Joshua?" Rhyme echoes, and Neku winces. He'd managed to not end up explaining the whole … Joshua … thing to her, and isn't that excited by the prospect of breaking his record.

"Some reaper Neku knows," Beat mutters to her, just loud enough for Neku to hear. "Not really a _bad_ guy, just … fucking weird."

Well, that's not _quite_ it, but it'll do. "Yeah, something like that," Neku says, making a face.

"He say anything to you?" Beat checks, serious, and Neku shakes his head quickly. Not like Beat could really do anything if he _had_ , but you know.

Neku holds the phone up, and Beat squints at it before raising an eyebrow. "He's just being a jerk," Neku says, a bit defensive, and Beat nods.

Joshua probably _is_ just messing with him, but the knowledge that he could be scanning him at any point sinks in his gut like a stone. It's not _new_ , but it's unpleasant all the same. No use dwelling on it right now, though, and he shoves it out of mind. For now, at least.

Once the adult Bitous leave them alone, hanging out at their place is actually pretty nice, and Neku almost regrets not visiting them earlier. Almost. It's not like them hanging out after school is a new thing or anything, but it's … different, when you can have them at either your place or theirs. It doesn't seem like a _real_ friendship before then, and even if neither of them have the sort of families where home is really _home_ … it's still different.

* * *

By the time Neku heads back, he's completely fucking exhausted. Thank fuck for overtime, that's for sure; last thing he wants to hear is incredulity that he'd have any legit reasons to be out at night. Not that they even think to check if he's there, half the time, but _still_.

Please god may Tokyo University of the Arts accept him. He's not sure what else he would _do_ ; it's not like he has that many other options.

Oh, for fuck's sake, Joshua, _why_ always the texting. Neku doesn't even need to give him a custom ringtone: he can just guess based on timing and nearly always be right. ` Calm down. You have plenty,` Neku reads, and _his opinion was not wanted!_ ` Geidai is outside my dominion, but if you absolutely insist, I can call in a few favors.`

"Stop hiding," Neku says, voice flat as he flops down onto his bed. The last thing he needs after a long day is —

— a knock on his door. Of course. "May I come in?" Joshua says, and Neku'd bet money that no one else'd be able to tell he's there. Right now, Neku wouldn't mind being less special.

"Might as well," Neku says, defeated.

Joshua silently opens it, bowing slightly as he walks in and sits daintily on the edge of his bed. Neku glowers at him, as much on principle as anything else. "You're aware you don't really need a degree, yes?" he says, getting right to the point.

"I don't want people to only care about my work because I'm friends with you," Neku states. "Or with Mr H." He won't judge anyone else who uses their connections — sometimes, that's the only way to get a break — but that's not what he wants.

Joshua snorts. "No need to worry about that," he says primly. Neku rolls his eyes. "You're quite good, if unpolished. All of you are," and despite everything, it doesn't ring as empty flattery. Maybe it should, but it doesn't. "All I offer is a foot in the door."

"More like a foot in the grave," Neku grumbles, and Joshua has the audacity to look innocent. Like he _hasn't_ shot Neku multiple times, and isn't probably thinking of it right now. Joshua keeps staring at him, though, until Neku finally looks away. "Look, just …" Neku says, trailing off. He mostly wanted to break the silence. "Stay out of my head, Josh."

Joshua hums, turning up to the ceiling. "I try, Neku," he murmurs. "It's — difficult."

"Difficult," Neku repeats. Honestly, now.

Joshua twines some of his hair around his fingers, though he'd already not had a strand out of place. "An entire district filled with people I need to rearrange, and you're one of the only ones I'm supposed to _not_ listen to. _Yes_ , it's difficult."

"Try harder," he snaps, without real heat. "Make me a pin, or something."

"How?" he asks, plaintively. Like Neku'd know? _Joshua_ is the composer, here. "The player pins use a trace of my power; blocking off my own awareness is beyond my capabilities." He rolls his eyes and adds, "I could look into it again, if you insist, but don't get your hopes up."

"Joshua, I would _never_ expect you to be any less than self-serving," Neku drawls, and Joshua quirks a smile. He's not sure if he means it, is the thing. He trusts Joshua, more or less, but ….

Joshua said 'again'. Maybe Neku can take that at face value, for once. "What about if someone _else_ made a pin?"

"It's no use," he says, smiling sadly. "No one in Shibuya can keep me from looking if I'm curious, Neku dear. I _am_ the composer, after all; scanning and imprinting is my job."

A job most people wouldn't want him to have, Neku mentally adds, but he _is_ the composer. Neku might not have picked him for it if he'd had a real choice, but Joshua probably knows what he's doing by now, and more than that … Neku remembers being a Player. Remembers hearing the thoughts of all the people as they walk by, how they blend together into the melody of Shibuya, each individual only rarely distinct, and how not all of the things he'd done with that were exactly moral.

Neku definitely doesn't regret scanning Joshua in the second week, but Joshua's not the only one who snoops. That's kind of a weird thought.

"Just," Neku says tiredly, "just make sure I know when you're looking."

Joshua's ever-present smirk gains some sincerity as he nods, and Neku quickly adds: "And back off when I tell you to back off."

"I have been, Neku," he says, voice light. "Both of those, even. I'm sure you're very pleased."

Neku glowers at him. No, he's not giving Joshua cookies for meeting a minimum standard of decency. After a moment, Joshua huffs, but he isn't _really_ annoyed. Neku thinks.

Neku stifles a yawn and immediately scowls. _Fuck,_ it's late, and he has school in the morning.

Joshua nods, decisive. "Are you satisfied?" he says patiently, and Neku has to think about it.

"Yeah," he settles on. "Yeah, I guess so." Not like there's much else he can do, he guesses.

"Sleep well, Neku," he murmurs, and then vanishes.

That guy is a handful and a half.

* * *

Shiki and Eri are busy _again_ , and it's a bit of a bummer: ever since Mr H found them some internships, they're either busy with those or with their own clothes, and Neku misses them. And he can always hang out with the Bitous, but it's a little strained, what with Neku having applied to a few good schools and Beat — not. Rhyme's still too young, but Beat ….

Neku likes Beat. Beat's his best friend, maybe a bit more than that, and them taking different life trajectories doesn't change that. And Neku knows that, and _Beat_ knows that, but Neku thinks _Beat's parents_ don't know that. Beat doesn't need to tell him that they think he's dragging Neku down for Neku to know they think that, and that's bullshit.

But when are Beat's parents _not_ talking bullshit.

Rhyme wins the latest round of Super Smash Bros, and Neku sighs and sets his controller down. She's gotten kind of impressive at it, even if Neku's pretty sure Beat loses on purpose. But she's good enough she could probably beat him anyway: it's just that asking Beat to actually try to win against anyone he cares about is a bit pointless. They at least leave him for last; he'll play properly if it's a group match.

There's some conversations he needs to have with Beat, and they'd be easier if Rhyme weren't in the room, so he meets Beat's eyes meaningfully and pushes Rhyme off to her homework. She's doing better. She's still not _perfect_ , not even with the direction Beat's said she had before she lost the Game, but she's doing better and really, they're all muddling their way through anyway: she's just muddling more than most.

"You got any plans for — after school?" he asks, and Beat freezes a little. "Like — jobs and shit," he adds hurriedly.

Beat sighs, scratches his head like the answer will fall out with his dandruff. "Man, I don't know," he admits. "I'm thinking electrician or something, yeah? Something where I don't need to worry about messing myself up, _you_ know."

And Neku does know. Skateboarding's awesome, and Beat's _good_ at it, good enough that if he didn't need to be able to pay his own rent, he could go pro, and maybe he'll still manage. It's worth a shot, and that's a dream not worth risking on a manual labor job.

(Maybe Joshua could help him with that, instead. Pull some strings where they could use pulling, rather than wasting Neku's and his own time trying to get him to skip art school. … nah, Neku doesn't want to risk owing him anything. Neku trusts him to an extent, but no one's ever heard of a _charitable_ death god.)

"Well," Neku says slowly, mulling over his words, "if you ever need someone to split rent with, I'm game. Just … not so much while I'm at school."

Beat lights up. "I'm gonna take you up on that, you know," he warns, raising a hand for a fist bump. Neku returns it, because he's not a jerk.

"Good, because I meant it." And hell, Rhyme's not in the room and senior year's rough all over: Neku blurts out, "Can I kiss you?"

" _Hell yes_."

They're still not amazing at it — seriously, where are their noses supposed to go, and they probably should've brushed their teeth beforehand — but they're learning, and enthusiastic determination to do well by each other wins over technique in all the ways that matter, at least for this sort of thing.

They'll work it out. They're _working_ it out, by inches and in yards, and they don't have to do it alone.

… They're probably not going to ask anyone for help with the kissing, though.


	2. In Which Neku Tempts Fate

The weeks pass by no more eventful than usual, the murky anticipation of acceptance and rejection letters aside, and if Neku's own anxiety is personal rather than a desire to do his family proud, well … nobody who didn't already know notices, and that's what matters. Just have to keep it together for as long as it takes; he'll ask Joshua to forge it if he has to, if he gets in for the business degree his family insisted on and not the art one he actually _wants_ , pride be damned, but he hopes he won't have to.

Please may this work out. May there be enough goodwill for one kid with a dream for this to work out; he's done all he can, but it's out of his hands now.

And one day the mail arrives and it's for him and it's funny, isn't it, how knowing the answer doesn't make the stress go away. Not right away, at least, and definitely not when he's been trying not to pace for weeks. Nothing to do for it but find something to keep himself busy until it sets in, and that … works, actually, his warm-up gesture drawings as meditative as ever.

He gets up to stretch as he contemplates what to do with the evening, maybe start up some tea, and his phone vibrates. `May I come over?` Joshua's sent. 

Neku sighs and mentally waves: the door's unlocked. And maybe letting Joshua into his room isn't the best idea, but nothing's gone wrong yet and he's been unfailingly decent, at least in that regard. Whatever game he's playing is longer than just killing Neku the first chance he gets, and Neku can work with that. 

Joshua's brought him some coffee (Wildkat's, of course: where else?), but past that, he sits back and lets Neku work, only commenting when Neku stops to wonder what to do next. He's a surprisingly appreciative audience, and Neku can mostly put him out of mind as he goes. Only _mostly_ , though, Joshua's presence leaving a strange buzzing sound at the edge of his hearing, as impossible to ignore as an undead mosquito, and that can't possibly be a good sign. Neku can't scan anymore, or shouldn't be able to, but he senses him anyway, clearer than Noise and louder each time. But it hasn't caused problems yet, and that's … as much as he can hope for, really.

Eventually the pitch changes and Neku snaps up to see Joshua staring at his desk. Or, more accurately, the papers _on_ his desk, chief of which is his information packet from Geidai.

"You're leaving Shibuya," Joshua comments, like he couldn't possibly care less, and Neku doesn't even need that strange scanning-like ability to read the air to tell he's upset.

"Just to get my degree," he explains. "I like it here."

"Why even go to university?" Joshua asks, condescending. "Mr H'd be happy to give you all the recommendations you need; you have more than enough contacts to get by."

"I don't want to rely on Mr H," he says, and it's true. It's also not the real answer. He might be Shibuya born and bred, but sometimes you need to leave to know why you stay. "It'll only be a few years, Josh. It's not even that far."

" _I_ didn't go to university and I turned out fine," he says, ignoring him. Neku doesn't dignify that with a response, just raises an eyebrow. "… Neku."

"Yeah?"

Joshua's focus is completely on him and Neku shivers from the weight of it. "You're aware you're barred from Playing in _all_ Games, not simply the Shibuya one, correct?"

And Neku wasn't, actually, but whose fault is that? "It's only a few years, Josh. I'm not likely to die."

"Simply because it isn't _likely_ doesn't mean it won't _happen_ , Neku," and this concern would be more charming if it wasn't from the person who'd killed him in the first place. "You sound rather a lot like Shibuya," he adds intently. "Who's to say the composer might not take offense and defend her Game?"

Neku's only from a few neighborhoods over; who'd care about him moving about Tokyo? Even if Joshua has a point, and Neku's not saying he does, getting pissy over a half-hour commute'd be absolutely ridiculous. "Lots of students aren't local, Josh. She'll deal."

Joshua crosses his arms, sulking. However old he is, he still acts like a spoiled child. "Neku, Neku, Neku," he sighs, as Neku looks at him. "You sound like a reaper, and more than that, you sound like one of _my_ reapers. It's not safe for you to leave Shibuya as you are."

And yet he leaves Shibuya half the time when he goes shopping and _nothing horrible has happened_. "If it's that much of a problem," Neku says, "explain to her I'm just visiting and I'll be gone as soon as I'm done." Honestly, this is absurd.

"You're alive," Joshua says, patient, "so you're technically out of my jurisdiction. You're just _also_ strong enough to be quite the catch for whichever Underground claims you, and a less … upstanding … composer may simply permit you to be hit by a car, rather than risk letting you further Shibuya's interests."

Death politics. Neku's favorite, especially when there's no good reason he'd seem like a reaper in the first place. "Yeah, you're just sounding paranoid, sorry. I'm going off to university either way, but if you find something that'd help you worry less that _doesn't_ involve killing me, tell me and I'll consider it. But I _am_ going."

"I'll look into it," and that's not reassuring, but he's already gone.

* * *

"Hey, Mr H," Neku says, and maybe this isn't the most normal conversation topic, but he's the only one Neku can talk to about it and he _does_ need to know. Even if it hopefully won't be relevant anytime soon. "What happens when I die?"

"In Shibuya?" he clarifies, completely unfazed. "I guess Josh'd give you a few options and you'd pick from them, since he still doesn't have a conductor."

Still? It's been years; what's he waiting for? (And the traitorous voice in his head suggests _you_ , but wouldn't he have just killed Neku if he wanted that? So that can't be it, or not all of it.) "What about outside of Shibuya?" Hanekoma gives him a look like _there are things outside of Shibuya?_ , so he elaborates: "I got accepted to Geidai."

"Then either the conductor or composer scans you to make a decision, since you can't Play again," he says. That doesn't sound too bad, Neku thinks, but Hanekoma continues like it's an afterthought: "Though Josh and I might end up the creek without a paddle, if you get my drift, since you shouldn't know about any of this." He's still completely casual, even though Neku's pretty sure the Underground only has one form of punishment, and … Neku could get them in trouble? 

Neku could get them in major trouble, just by knowing them. With who? How _much_ trouble? And why is this the first time he's hearing about this? "So … Joshua not wanting me to go, that's his self interest talking?"

"Nah," and Hanekoma's still utterly unconcerned. "Think the kid's more worried about me."

Neku rubs at his head. "What does he need to worry about you for? Him, I get: he _really_ wasn't supposed to kill me and leave his Game, was he? But why would you get in trouble?"

"Oh, this and that," he says, noncommittal. That _doesn't help_ , but Neku can recognise by now when he's being blown off.

And then Joshua materialises in the corner with a buzzing loud enough for Neku to cover his ears, though it doesn't do a damn thing to blunt it. Joshua and Hanekoma exchange a glance, and the sound fades enough for Neku to tune it out, though it doesn't go away completely.

"Sanae," Joshua says, less than pleased.

"Hey, boss," Hanekoma replies, completely casual. "Didn't feel like knocking today?"

"You should throw him something of a bone," he chides, and if _Joshua_ thinks Neku's being left too far out of the loop, it's … probably pretty bad. "Considering what he would do for your sake."

They stare each other down, the composer and … whatever Hanekoma is, Neku _still_ doesn't know, and even if Neku respects Mr H deeply, something about that smile unsettles him somewhere primal. A jaguar waiting to pounce, and Joshua isn't fazed one bit.

Hanekoma waves his arm dismissively, conceding the point. "I broke a few rules during the Game," he admits. "Wasn't really supposed to intervene with the Bitou kids, for one thing. Good thing it all turned out okay, though, right?" And he smiles that easy smile, though Joshua's still watching him.

And maybe that's all of it, and Neku really _wants_ to trust him, but he trusted his artwork and look how that turned out. "Yeah, it did," he says, forcing the smile he'd like to mean. It's so much nicer when he doesn't know he's being lied to.

Joshua glances between them and smirks. "So, Mr H," he says, right back to his usual friendly tone, back to acting like any other teenager, "is there any way to link someone to a particular UG while still alive?"

Hanekoma hums, thinking about it. (Why would he know these things, anyway?) "Yeah," he says eventually, "yeah, I can think of a few ways, though they're usually not strictly legal." He rubs at his chin. "Why? You got something in mind?"

Neku wishes they'd just say this stuff straight-out, rather than play-acting for his benefit. It's not cute and it's not funny, and he expects these things from Joshua, but Mr Hanekoma should be _better_ than that. Neku thought he was better than that.

Joshua stands up and strides over to Neku, looking at him straight in the eye, direct as when he has a gun in Neku's hands. "Neku," he says, "be my conductor."

"I …."

"Not right away," he adds. "It would be difficult for you to continue your schooling while taking up your new duties, and Yashiro and Kariya can handle themselves just fine for now. But once you're ready to commit to Shibuya, once you're tired of living a purely Realground life, join me as my conductor."

He thought this might happen, but the difference between recognising it as a possibility and staring it in the face is like acrylic and oils. He backs up, and even if he knew this could happen -- it's a lot to commit to, a lot to think about. He's still in high school. He's still _alive_. "… Do I have to decide now?"

Joshua sighs and leans back, hand on his chin. "I _suppose_ not, but the sooner I know to look for another candidate, the better." And from the way he says that, he's not really looking forward to it.

Well. He's had _ages_ to shop around; if he's still set on Neku, either he's fixated on him, or Neku might actually be one of the better options. … He's guessing the former.

Neku groans, long and drawn out. Why didn't Joshua ask him when they first met outside the Game; that way, Neku could've gotten the _holy shit, why would you think I'd want to help you kill people_ out of the way already. But noooo, he had to wait long enough for Neku to know he can't be all bad, that maybe even the _Game_ isn't all bad. None of them are the same people they were before they died, and that's probably a good thing, but seriously? _Seriously?_

Figures. Of _course_ Joshua can't be straightforward about anything, except when it benefits him. And of course he'd've waited until Neku wouldn't reject it out of hand. "… What happens if I change my mind?" he says eventually, hating himself a little for thinking about it. If he's the conductor, he can keep it fair. It'd still be awful, but at least it'd be fair.

Joshua glances at Hanekoma, trusting his expertise. "Josh, got anything that sounds like him and you?"

"He's preened my feathers," he says, so neutral it has to be significant. Joshua'd never explained, not any of the few times he'd had Neku pet him, but Neku's not completely oblivious: anything that makes Joshua touchy-feely has to be at least a _little_ important. (Unless Joshua was just messing with him. That's always a possibility with Joshua.)

"That'd work, then," Hanekoma replies after a moment, raising his eyebrows and utterly smug. Neku's face is hot and that isn't even _dirty_ ; it's just _weird Joshua shit_ ; he should not be nearly as embarrassed as he is. -- hey, Joshua's determinedly examining the pastry display case. That's actually comforting.

"Neku," Hanekoma says, suddenly serious, "the way I'm thinking of would bind you to Joshua and Joshua to you, rather than you to Shibuya directly. It's a bit more reversible, though if you broke it, Shibuya would _hate_ you. Cities don't like losing their toys."

"And what happens if Shibuya hates me?" That the district would have an opinion doesn't strike him as weird anymore. Sure, why not?

"You'd have to move," he says, matter of fact. "You wouldn't be able to create art within the district, and nothing you made would speak to people. You'd be a dead zone."

Neku winces. He hasn't been an artist for that long, but that's _terrifying_. "But only in Shibuya," he checks.

"Only in Shibuya," he confirms. "There's a whole other world out there if you change your mind."

A whole other world that isn't his home, though, and he doesn't think Hanekoma and Joshua think that highly of it, either. "And I don't have to decide now."

"The offer stands for as long as you're in Shibuya," Joshua confirms. "Though I would prefer if you decided _before_ leaving for university."

In case someone tries sniping him. When did his life become complicated? (Probably when he was shot the first time, and it's depressing how he can barely pull up the requisite anger when he thinks of that. It's old news, last year's fashions. Plenty of other things he can get mad about that aren't over and done with.)

"I'll think about it," is all he says, and he ducks out.

Staying in WildKat to chat with Hanekoma just doesn't have the same appeal anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly I'm not going to have illustrations for every chapter. :'( At like 4-5 hours per illustration and 26 chapters, it's just not feasible. I might go back later and add some, though! _You never know._


	3. In Which Neku Tries His Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised that the last chapter's notes sounded like I'm not going to keep having illustrations. Don't worry, I've got four more so far and hopefully there'll be more still.

Shiki would tell him it's a bad idea.

Shiki would tell him it's a bad idea, and that Joshua's _killed him_ before, and that Neku can't trust him, and she might even be right. Neku wouldn't want her to be right, and is pretty sure Joshua's better than that (better than what? Better than shooting him a _third time_ and making it three for three? Even his mental impression of Shiki's great at knocking off his rose-colored glasses --), but that's what good friends do. They help keep you from making bad decisions.

Trouble is, even knowing the decision's bad and that there is really, honestly, a lot more risk than reward in doing whatever the hell Joshua and Mr Hanekoma have planned, even if it looks mostly okay …

… Neku still wants to consider it.

And maybe he's trying to justify what shouldn't even be thought about, but really: if he can't trust Joshua to be decent if the unthinkable happens, could he really have kept living in Shibuya anyway? Joshua _is_ Shibuya, or at least the fucked up underworld side of it; if his wary friendship with him went that foul, Neku'd probably have to move anyway.

That … doesn't make him feel any better. Actually, that probably makes it worse.

_God_ is he glad he's going to live on campus. It's far enough he'll get some space from Joshua, space that _isn't_ reliant on the honor system, while still being in Tokyo, so he can return to the streets he loves any time he wants.

Darkly, he waits a few seconds to see if he notices Joshua's presence. Nothing. Maybe he really is usually leaving Neku's thoughts to himself. It'd be great if it's true: something that Neku knows for sure that's his own without Joshua's elegant fingers in it.

Still nothing. Huh.

Experimentally, Neku tries to think as hard as he can: _Joshua!_

A moment's delay, and then: `Yes, what?` with an accompanying twinge in his head.

"I just was wondering if you were paying attention," he admits.

`No. Should I have been?`

"No," Neku says firmly. "Now go away."

An exasperated sigh and a sense of Joshua putting up his arms in frustration, and the buzzing headache lets up. Good.

His phone vibrates. `I have better things to do with my time than spy on you, you know,` Joshua writes. `Kindly leave me to them.`

`Sometimes I wonder,` Neku replies.

Right, well. Friends might help keep you from making bad decisions, but a good friend'll help you make them _properly_ , and a _great_ friend will help you fix it afterward, so he texts Shiki: ` Can I call you?`

No response for a minute or two, then: `Ill call in 2 secs`

Neku fidgets. Flips through his email. Fidgets more. Checks the time. Waiting, waiting -- ah, there it goes. He picks up on the third ring. "Hey," he says.

"Sorry," Shiki blurts out, a bit breathless. "I was busy. What's up?"

"You ever know something's an awful idea and then kind of want to do it anyway?" he asks, trying not to sigh.

Shiki laughs darkly. "How do you think I got a job with D+B?" A sigh, and she continues. "Yeah, plenty. What's up?"

He lays out what he can, leaving out the bits about Conducting (that's too big for Neku to even _think_ about right now, and Shiki's even less comfortable with Game stuff than he is) or Joshua worrying about assassinations because seriously, who would want to kill Neku? Other than Joshua, that is. Just sounds like Joshua-brand paranoia, and it's enough of a mess without making Shiki think his friendship with Joshua's more dangerous than it is.

Shiki hums at the appropriate parts, as much encouraging him to continue as to express her disapproval of -- probably everything Joshua has ever done in his (un)life, really, with the exception of reviving them. Maybe between the two of them, they'll settle on an accurate opinion on Joshua. Heh. Yeah, right.

"I think that's a bigger mess than I know what to deal with," Shiki says frankly. "I'm … kind of glad you're going to live on campus."

"Me too," Neku says. "Me too."

"Well," she says, "you're probably right that you'd have to move anyway if something goes badly." Not that that makes anything better, he thinks, and he bets she's thinking it too. "So … do you _want_ to do whatever it is?"

"Um …."

"I wouldn't," she adds. "I don't trust either of them not to pull something. Even if they can both be okay."

Wait, _both_? When has Shiki ever met Joshua? "Yeah," he says, unconvinced. "Joshua's been fairly straight with me for a while, though."

Shiki snickers. Neku goes over that in his head again and joins her. " _Straightforward_ , I meant."

"Yeah, I don't think any of us can do 'straight' if you gave us a GPS," she quips. "Not that I can blame you: boys _are_ pretty cute."

"So's Joshua."

Shiki gets his meaning. "You're pretty cute, too. -- Not that I'm hitting on you or anything! I just --"

Neku laughs. "I _am_ cute," he agrees. "You're cute, too. We're all cute."

"We are," Shiki says, and then more confidently: "We _are._ "

"But anyway," Neku says, bringing them back on topic even if it's uncomfortable, "it's kind of … do I do the thing to make Joshua happy, even if it's silly? Or do I not, and just -- hope I don't get hit by a car?"

"Don't talk about getting hit by a car," Shiki says, serious. Neku mutters an apology. Yeah, that is kind of insensitive, even if they've all …. "It's your choice," she says, less than thrilled, "but if you don't feel safe telling him no, then don't do it."

"Nah," Neku says, sure about this like he isn't the rest of it. "He's not like that. He'd sulk a lot, but I really don't think he'd do anything."

"If you're sure."

He lets the topic drop and chats with her about how her latest sewing project's going (D+B's going to do some limited edition Dangerous Buffalo plushes, and Shiki's design barely looks like a pig at all) and about her relationship with Eri (still rocky, but Shiki's been teaching her how to sew and Eri's -- not good, exactly, but learning how to compensate for her shaky hands, and they're happy) and he's even able to shake her down for plans for their next shopping trip. There's nothing quite like looking for art supplies with another artist, even if you don't share media, and lucky him, but Eri's busy with work that day.

(Eri's a nice girl, and he's glad Shiki's happy with her, both as a partner and a girlfriend, but every time he's stuck hanging out with her, he learns a bit more about how he just cannot _stand_ her. She's loud and perky and friendly and Neku's absolutely certain that she means well and hates him almost as much as he does her. They both know the other isn't a bad person, but wow, is it awkward.)

Eventually he hangs up, feeling better about having finally gotten to talk to Shiki and knowing that whatever happens, Shiki won't be mad at him. She might do her absolute best to take down Joshua if anything goes wrong, but she's not going to blame Neku for any of it.

It's as much as he'd do for her, but still: he feels better having heard it.

Joshua's bullshit isn't his fault, and whatever happens, his other friends will still be his friends, even if he has to leave Shibuya.

But one of the things about leaving Shibuya -- even just for university -- is that it means he's _leaving Shibuya_ , and he has more belongings than he feels comfortable bringing with him on one rail trip. He … could probably leave some of them at his family's place, at least for a little while, but that seems like it's asking for trouble.

It might actually be worth it to move his keyboard and drum set out before then: at least then he'll know they're safe, even if not having them when he wants them's going to suck. That in mind, he checks with the Bitous if they've got space, and ends up lending them to Beat with permission to fiddle with them so long as he's careful.

Rhyme turns out to be a surprisingly talented drummer; she might not have Neku's confidence or skill, but she can keep time nearly as well as a metronome and she could really get somewhere with that if she keeps with it. Neku tells her as much, and if she's shy about the compliment, she still knows Neku wouldn't say it if he doesn't mean it.

Their parents are thrilled for the excuse to have Neku visit more often, which they can all do without. Neku just wanted to make sure his keyboard would be safe and used while he's still getting his stuff together; he didn't want them to give Beat and Rhyme another guilt trip about dropping piano classes.

The siblings don't blame Neku for it, at least, and Beat's resulting melancholy lifts after Neku privately asks him to demonstrate something he learned in class and then licks Beat's fingers. Beat flushes red; even if Beat's hands have the callouses of an athlete, they're still beautiful, and Neku's more than happy to show his appreciation.

Just not with Rhyme in the room.

A few weeks with his other friends wash away his apprehension, and one Friday afternoon, Neku finally feels comfortable enough to pick up his phone and speed-dial Joshua.

"I'll do it," he says, and that really is that.


	4. In Which Joshua Has Many Ideas, Most of Them Bad

"I'll do it," Neku says, and Joshua'd catch his breath if he still had one. He's known Neku trusts him, even if he doesn't have the faintest idea why, but this is something else. This is letting Joshua stake a claim on him that'll last even outside of Shibuya, and that's -- Joshua isn't sure how he feels about that.

Heh. He shouldn't get his hopes up too high; Neku probably just would rather the composer he knows than the composer he doesn't, and _Joshua_ wouldn't trust the ones in Ueno or Nerima as far as he can throw them.

(Joshua also wouldn't trust himself, but that's a given. Trusting Joshua is an excellent way to get yourself shot: just look at Neku. He's still more predictable than the alternative.)

He leads Neku back to his place, though Neku knows the way already, and could probably find it asleep, not that Joshua would trust him not to walk into a puddle or some scrap metal or something. Neku can be _so_ clumsy, after all. Joshua is loathe to imagine what it was like to actually have to use _feet_. Being alive's so inconvenient; it'd be better for everyone once Neku's a reaper.

Neku doesn't say anything as they walk, and while Joshua doesn't listen to the specifics, he can tell that today, leaving Neku to his thoughts would help him more than it hurts. Anything he can process _now_ rather than after the fact can only be to Joshua's benefit, and even if Joshua'd rather talk to distract himself, it's not worth it. He instead diverts some of his energy to sorting out a couple who've been having some _artistic differences_ , nothing worth troubling any of the reapers or players with when he can fix it himself. It's not the most efficient usage of resources, but so it goes, and at least they're a sure bet.

(Pointing those girls Neku's friends are friends with towards traditional dyeing methods _isn't_ a sure bet, but Joshua's confident it'll work. He may need to have Yashiro set the players to it, however.)

_Walking_ is still as strange as it is unnecessary, but it's oddly comforting to feel Shibuya's chorus ebb and flow as they go past Hachiko and through the sewers, and finally to Shibuya River and the heart of his domain. Joshua's not exactly fond of visitors, but there are few enough places where he can keep his vibe from being overwhelming, and the dull roar of Shibuya's composer permeating everything is preferable to muting himself in one of the Game-sanctioned shops.

Neku winces as he crosses the river, and again as Joshua tweaks his frequency to that of his apartment, though Joshua doubts Neku understands why. It's easier than it had been, to nudge Neku as Joshua might a young reaper, and maybe someday soon Neku will understand how to do it himself.

Maybe Neku will know how as Joshua's conductor, but -- no, Joshua _really_ shouldn't get his hopes up. Neku hasn't rejected him out of hand, but Joshua has no idea how he'll feel once he's out of Shibuya's reach. _Joshua_ hasn't nudged him, but the city knows when there's a power vacuum and who can fill it, and doesn't always listen when Joshua says, _no, not this way_.

"Here we are," Joshua says once they're inside, arms outstretched magnanimously. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Neku jerks up, surprised. Joshua is perfectly capable of being a decent host, thank you. "Sure?" Neku hazards. "What do you have?"

Anything that exists in Shibuya, he doesn't say, and instead shows Neku some of the things he has behind the bar. Nothing alcoholic: Neku's the type to be concerned about drinking ages, and anyway Joshua has no idea what his tolerance is like. Neku ends up settling on a can of coffee.

Sanae's going to be furious. Joshua approves.

Don't eat foods from the underworld, or else you might not be able to leave, but that's the point of this endeavor, isn't it? To let Neku take a piece of Shibuya with him so that when the time comes, Joshua'll be the one to judge him. Or the one to send him back, as the case may be, but with luck, Neku'll decide to stay Shibuya's sooner rather than later. 

Once Neku's settled, Joshua hums and summons Sanae. Best to get to it.

Sanae materialises right outside and then saunters in like he owns the place, and Neku straightens up a bit. "Hi, Mr H," Neku says, nervous.

Joshua really is going to have to have Sanae explain some things. Neku knows just enough to not be able to trust him, and that's unacceptable. Joshua has no need of a producer and conductor that are at odds. (Technically, his conductor shouldn't even know the producer _exists_ , but rules are for other people and Neku nearly had been a composer himself. Sanae had shown himself first, anyway, and let Neku believe _Sanae_ is the composer, so it's hardly Joshua's fault.)

Sanae just sighs and musses up his hair. " _Canned_ coffee, huh," he says, as much to Joshua as Neku. "Trying to get rid of me already?"

"I'm sure it tastes better than your swill," Joshua drawls. "Right, Neku?"

"Hey, don't drag me into this," Neku interjects, like he didn't know this would happen, as he takes a swig to hide his smirk and then does a marvelous job of pretending he wouldn't rather be drinking actual coffee.

Sanae looks between the two of them like he's expecting collusion, then throws up his hands. "You kids are awful," he proclaims. "That stuff is a _disgrace to the beans_ , you know that, right? There were perfectly good coffee beans that got wasted for that. _You can't do that to beans!_ "

Joshua snickers; Neku coughs suspiciously. "Because the _beans_ were the important bit there, right," Neku says.

"Hey, brat, don't underestimate beans!" he says, looking at his nails in dismay. He keeps them so _blunt_ when he's trying to be harmless; it's ridiculous. "A volcano worked hard to fertilise those beans, you know, and beans are a vital part of the ecosystem. _Respect the beans_."

"Respect the beans," Neku echoes.

"Beans deserve respect," Sanae says firmly. "I love beans."

"He does love beans," Joshua tells Neku conspiratorially. "So much that he put that in his classifieds ad. Mind you, I have no idea who actually reads the classifieds in this day and age …."

"Why would you even know that?" Neku mock-whispers back, loud enough that Sanae wouldn't need angel hearing to make it out.

Joshua smiles innocently and smoothly dodges as Sanae tries to ruffle his hair.

"Hey," Sanae snaps, not at all irritated, "I don't need the classifieds. Have you seen this face?"

He looks him over, gaze steady and half-lidded, though he's already reached a conclusion. "Scruffy, unkempt, and in dire need of a shave," he ticks off, "not to mention your charming failure to understand the purpose of _buttons_. Truly a heart-throb. What next, socks with sandals?"

"Low blow, Josh, low blow."

And Neku's glancing between the two of them, clearly uncomfortable and Joshua isn't sure why. Maybe he should -- no, bad. Joshua instead looks at him in honest confusion; he'd meant for the banter to leave him _more_ relaxed, not less.

"Are you …" Neku starts, then he shakes his head. "Nevermind."

That was less than helpful. Joshua mentally nudges Sanae instead, but he just sends back a terse `Why don't you check yourself?` Very helpful, Sanae, that certainly had not occurred to him. Yes, that's _precisely_ how Joshua should best earn his trust: by digging through his mind against his express wishes for whatever he's decided against telling him.

For his next trick, he'll invite Neku to a reaper party without the slightest indication that anyone else would be there. _Honestly,_ now.

` Wow, pissy,` Sanae sends back, and Joshua'd roll his eyes if he didn't mind if Neku noticed.

Neku might have noticed anyway, Joshua realises, even with the whole thing taking only a moment and neither of them showing it on any plane Neku should be able to see. Even Joshua can only sense with active effort, and yet Neku knows enough to tense up at their spat. Curious.

Well, Joshua _has_ been raising Neku's vibe whenever he has the opportunity; it's no real surprise if that has effects other than the obvious. Oh well; too late now.

Joshua tosses Neku his best puppy smile, but it only really shifts Neku's consternation to suspicion. Bah, stick in the mud, so he then slides over and drapes his arm around Neku's shoulders, going just slow enough to let him duck if he wants to. It's a bit painful to force his vibe low enough to not unsettle Neku, especially with Sanae there to leave Joshua on edge, but Neku returns him a grin and it's worth it. Joshua can so rarely touch people as he'd like; he won't waste the opportunity, no matter how much Sanae judges him for it.

And if Joshua decides to murmur into Neku's ear, "Shall we, then?" that's his own prerogative.

Neku flushes, mostly from their proximity, and Joshua smirks. "Why do you always make everything sound _dirty_?" Neku hisses, tensing, but he doesn't make the slightest effort to throw Joshua off.

"What makes you think it's my fault?" he replies innocently, and Neku stomps on his foot. Joshua lets annoyance flash across his face and pulls away, giving Neku the point. "Really, Neku, have you considered that it might be _you_ with the filthy mind?"

Neku's glare is exactly as dry as that deserves, and Joshua beams. "Yeah, sure," Neku drawls. "That explains _everything_."

"I knew you'd see it my way," he replies sweetly, and Neku flips him off. Really, Neku should try spending a few decades without many options for company; it's amazing how creative one can get.

"How about you stop acting like an asshole and we actually get to the program?" Neku says finally, and Joshua shrugs helplessly as Sanae smirks.

"You sure he's acting, Neku?" Sanae quips, and Joshua steps on his foot. Sanae's sandals might be atrocious, but they _are_ convenient, and Sanae bats at him.

"Oh, let's just get to it," Joshua concedes, and it's only a slight twist of will to bring the path to his throne room down to where Neku can see it. Sanae waltzes through the doorway first, utterly nonchalant about having Joshua to his back, and Neku almost follows him before stopping, concerned.

About what, Joshua isn't sure; it could be their plan, or it could be whatever was bothering him earlier, and Neku's too tense for Joshua to scan him without trying.

Either Joshua will find out later, or it didn't really matter, he supposes, and so he waves Neku on, polite and imperious. Neku watches him for a moment, mulling over something, and goes through.


	5. In Which Joshua Mucks Up His Hair

It's been ages since he's seen CAT's mural with his own eyes, and it hasn't gotten any less tacky. Truth be told, Joshua'd rather they just proceed to his throne room, but Neku's stopped to stare at it with guarded awe.

Joshua missed a lot of things in the third week of his Game, but one of the few he wishes he'd seen personally was Neku's expression back when he believed CAT was the composer. Was it like this? No; this is the product of a respect broken and repaired and broken once more. And it's interesting, isn't it, how Neku could forgive Joshua for trying to destroy them all, and yet CAT marketing the artwork of people too deceased to care is too far.

Neku's expression the first time must have been anguished, raw and beautiful, but this … this is just the sad eyes of someone who forgave and forgave and learned there was no reason to forgive again.

Joshua will have to do something about that, someday.

Sanae is watching him, too, Joshua realises, expression unreadable. They've both made so many mistakes with him, more than he'll ever forget, but perhaps if Neku can still trust Joshua …. And perhaps not; only time will tell and not even their foresight can answer everything. For every path another world's tread, there's three more still unpaved, and Neku's future is less certain than many.

Neku shakes himself out of it and runs to catch up, only to see that they'd both stopped to watch him, flashing him matching sad smiles. Neku meets their eyes, maybe wistful, maybe angry, then shivers and storms onward.

Joshua does likewise, only belatedly noticing he'd fallen into harmony with Sanae. It's so easy sometimes, to switch from listening to him to listening _with_ him, and it's even easier here near the heart of Shibuya. The perils of associating with angels, Joshua assumes, though the only angels he's ever met were all Sanae.

Joshua snorts and twists open the door to his throne room, letting Neku keep the lead even as Joshua dematerialises and reappears on his throne like he'd never left. Neku glowers and Sanae snickers, but it _is_ his right as composer.

Joshua hums thoughtfully, sprawled over the chair like he has no need for dignity, and truly he doesn't. They all know who he is, after all. "It's been a while, hasn't it," he muses, and Neku makes a face.

"If you brought me here just to shoot me again," Neku informs him, "I'm going to be pissed."

"That would be rather gauche of me, wouldn't it?" Joshua says idly. "Besides, I'd prefer if you had the gun." It's funny because it's true, and this is -- really not the time to be thinking about that, actually. _Well._

Neku blanches, then gags exaggeratedly. "That's even worse," he states. Joshua agrees, if by 'worse' Neku meant 'better', but he wisely keeps this to himself.

"Conveniently, that's not what I had in mind." Not today, at any rate, he doesn't add, and _my_ is that not something he should think about right now. He looks to Sanae to have him explain the plan, sure Neku'd rather hear it from him, and even if Neku's uncomfortable with him, Joshua is probably right.

Circles and sigils probably sound safer than the sorts of things Joshua does every day, at least if you're not familiar with the basics of angel magic, and Neku seems to relax at the prospect of it only involving drawing. Foolish.

As far as Joshua can determine, Sanae's plan should be safe, but he's no expert, and honestly, he would rather shoot Neku and be done with it. Keeping a Shibuya reaper fed while they live outside of Shibuya's a hassle, especially since Joshua wouldn't be able to pass him off to another UG and still expect to get him back afterward, but at least that's something he _understands_. 

Joshua trusts Sanae with his own Soul, and with Shibuya, but that doesn't keep his hackles from raising at the prospect of trusting him with Neku. A territory thing, he suspects, of no good use to anyone, but particularly useless now. Neku's agreed to this and Joshua should be glad of it; it's more than he expected and Sanae is hardly going to screw them over.

… Probably.

Joshua holds back a sigh as Sanae has Neku take his shirt off so he can work. At least Neku isn't near as body-shy as he could be. Joshua'll have to thank Shiki for curing him of some of it; this is frustrating enough already.

Sanae delicately lays out the sigil on Neku's back with a clear brush pen, and it's all Joshua can do to keep from shoving him out of the way. Even if leaving the actual sketch to Sanae is the best way of making sure it's done properly. Joshua's pride can handle it. Probably.

Neku keeps shivering, though, tickled by the brush, and Joshua really wishes he was doing the whole process himself, even if Neku finds being shirtless near Sanae mortifying. A little mark in his favor, that Neku would be more comfortable if it were simply the two of them.

Or maybe just self preservation: leaving one's back to Sanae expecting him not to scratch is one of the less sensible things Joshua can imagine doing. Sanae is his producer and he will let no one take him from him; Joshua trusts him, but it's the sort of trust where he always assumed Sanae would betray him the moment he thought it was best. It was as much as he did for his previous composer, after all.

That Sanae thought he would be mad and tried to _hide_ it from him still stings more than he'd like. Joshua thought they knew each other better than that. Not least because keeping anything from a composer within their own district for long is a futile exercise. Sanae's interesting: an assassination attempt or two doesn't change that, but thinking he can outwit Joshua for long might. 

Sanae elegantly arcs out where Joshua will need to write Shibuya, and Joshua leans on Neku's Music, even if it is petty. Nothing he should notice, just an impression of calm as Joshua adds another line to the harmony, a continuation of Shibuya's leitmotif. It's a little tacky to be doing this while Neku's alive -- Neku sounds more like a reaper officer than most of his officers, and it's all Joshua's fault -- but there's only so much Joshua can do to keep his vibe in check. And Neku hadn't left Shibuya for long before this.

(What Neku doesn't know is that Joshua _had_ been informing other composers whenever Neku left Joshua's territory, especially during a Game. No, this isn't an attempt at a coup; yes, he'll be right back; no, he won't touch anything: he doesn't even know _how_. But there's a difference between a brief visit and going somewhere for university, and even if rewriting Neku to a different place would be time-consuming, all the hard work had been done already. Snatching him up would be the easiest thing in the world. 

Joshua doesn't trust anyone not to do what he would himself; it cuts out most of the disappointment.)

Sanae notices, because of course he notices, and Joshua shrugs helplessly. He'd laid down the _this is mine_ lines before he and Neku were even introduced; it's hardly a shock that he would keep it up, even if it's more _I am his_ these days. Joshua's death has sat in Neku's hands, and even if Neku refused to take hold, Joshua will offer it every time. Neku may do with Joshua what he will, but Joshua will make damn sure he has the option.

Neku glances back at them, though he should probably be staying still. "Almost done," Sanae tells him, signing it. Marking it as producer-approved, for however much that's worth. (Joshua appreciates the gesture: they should go down together, or better yet, not at all.)

"Good," Neku says, "because it's kind of cold."

Joshua huffs. He keeps the temperature just _fine_ , thank you; it isn't his fault if Neku is a wimp. 

"Josh still needs to do the hard part," Sanae warns, and Neku looks at the two of them a bit warily. Second thoughts, or maybe fifth or sixth.

"Think of it as insurance against anyone else shooting you," Joshua says lightly.

Neku snorts, back in his element. "Yeah, that's your job." Better.

"My thoughts exactly."

Joshua takes out one of the feathers Neku'd removed all that while ago and smiles. A reaper's wings guard their soul; a composer or angel's spread it out for all to see, and _this_ feather was a bit of his pride -- or maybe hubris: he can admit that now, that maybe his assurance that everything he does is justified might have extended into a character flaw -- loosened by their Game and removed by Neku himself.

Joshua can link him to Shibuya ( _to himself_ ), but Neku can cut it off at any time. It would be good for Joshua to remember that. 

Joshua looks at Sanae and waves him off. _A bit of privacy?_ he thinks, quirking a brow, sure Sanae'll hear.

"Well, I'm off," he says, like it's his own idea. "Call me if you need anything, right, boss, Neku?" Neku mumbles an affirmative and relaxes audibly once Sanae vanishes through the door. Joshua wonders when he lost the trust there, but Neku's made it very clear he doesn't want Joshua to pry. Pity. … Perhaps Sanae knows.

"This may hurt," Joshua warns, mentally suggesting the feather's quill grow sharp enough to cut. It's still his, even humming with Neku's untrained power and discarded, and it responds easily. "Are you ready?"

Neku braces himself and Joshua hears the echoes of his worries as Neku considers if he really will go through with this. This is Neku's decision, whatever he chooses, even if Joshua doesn't like it, and he simply waits. Trying not to seem impatient, even if Joshua suspects Neku might be growing to hear it anyway. (Joshua's own fault, still.)

"… Yeah," Neku says eventually, and Joshua's wings relax, though Neku definitely shouldn't be able to see them on his own yet. (Small mercies.) "Let's do this."

"Hold still," Joshua instructs, lacing it with an imprint, and he draws the first stroke. Neku hisses, and Joshua mentally holds him there as the thin line of blood beads up and does not drip. (Does Neku notice? Joshua suspects he does, and the idea that Neku'll know on his own when Joshua's meddling scares him more than he'd like to admit. He'll let go the moment Neku wants to move; please may Neku understand that, that Joshua isn't trying to trap him.)

Joshua waits for a moment. "All right?" he checks, and Neku jerks a nod.

"Yeah," he says. "It's kind of … tingly? Like bells." He frowns. "That didn't really make sense, did it."

"No, I understand," Joshua says, and he does. Shibuya _likes_ Neku, maybe even more than Joshua does, wants him to stay and grow and change with it forever and ever, and this is the heart of Shibuya. And it won't keep him if he doesn't want to stay. 

Joshua understands better than he'd like.

"Then shall I continue?" he asks, like it's the weather, and Neku nods. Joshua works in silence, just listening to Neku breathing as Joshua marks out the angelic sigil on his back. He doesn't understand the whole thing, but it's easy enough to trace Sanae's guidelines and blur the right edges with a few drops of blood. Soon enough, he has everything but the names of himself, his district, and his producer scratched in, and he takes a step back.

"You done?" Neku asks, a bit surprised. Joshua moved a lot faster than Sanae did, he supposes.

"Not quite." He looks it over, humming. This _should_ work, even if he's not clear on exactly what it says would happen to _Joshua_ if he tried to break the link. Something unpleasant. … well, he'll just have to hope he doesn't regret linking Neku to Shibuya. "… How do you feel about a Gatito tattoo?"

Neku turns his head to see if Joshua looks serious: he is. Neku blanches. "I'll pass."

"I thought you might." Joshua does a tricky little manipulation to keep Sanae's name from setting in, and quickly jots in his and Shibuya's signatures. 

The whole sigil glows blue for a moment, which he expected, and pulls at Shibuya's Music, which he didn't. Neku says something, but Joshua doesn't hear it: just the overwhelming cacophony he remembers from when he first became composer, before Shibuya had decided if he was acceptable. Neku might not be strong enough to withstand it, he realises, and he pulls his power around him, maybe too caustic himself to be any use as a shield but still probably better than nothing. 

If Sanae lied to him, or one of them messed this up --

Neku _shrinks_ and launches himself like a cannonball through Joshua's arm as Shibuya suddenly quiets. Actually _through_ his arm, and Joshua just stares at the hole uselessly for a moment before pulling himself together. 

` _What did you do?!_` Neku screeches, and Joshua really wishes he knew the answer himself. He forces himself to look: it can't be worse than whatever he imagines. 

Oh. Neku glares at him from atop Joshua's throne, and it _is_ Neku: that sound would be unmistakable even without the faint accompaniment of … Joshua himself, he supposes. Strange.

"Well, aren't _you_ adorable," Joshua says, self-satisfied, looking up at the tiny orange and purple monkey that Joshua supposes must be Neku's Noise form. Some kind of tamarin?

Neku flips him off, and he can't say he doesn't deserve it. `_Fix this!_` he yells. His orange mane looks so _fluffy_. Joshua is almost jealous.

"I will if you come back down," he says agreeably. Neku hisses at him, and he honestly could not mind less. He didn't mess this up. … Probably. 

Neku doesn't so much _climb_ back down as launch himself at Joshua's head, spray-painted idea of a tail whacking Joshua in the jaw. Fucking -- Joshua keeps a straight face, though barely.

"You know," says Sanae conversationally, and when did he come back in, "with a brand name like _Jupiter_ of the Monkey, you'd think you'd be bigger."

Neku hisses what would be insults if he could think of specific ones, and punctuates it with an impression of condensed rage. … His claws are mucking up Joshua's beautiful hair.

"Relax, dear," Joshua says, carefully prying him off his head, " _I_ think you're perfect." Perfectly travel-sized, he doesn't add, and Neku bites him. Joshua chuckles: guess that answers if Neku can read his Music back. He likely won't be happy about that later, but for now he's just relieved it worked.

Joshua holds him out, examining him as he bristles indignantly. At least he isn't trying to claw him up; Joshua supposes he must have _some_ self-preservation, and -- ah. He whistles a quick fix, and a now-human Neku collapses on top of him. 

"What the hell was that," Neku manages as he scrambles up, and Joshua shrugs. 

"Some kind of reflexive self-defense measure, I expect," he replies. "Count yourself lucky it wasn't cured by true love's kiss."

"Yeah," he sighs, "because then we'd be out of luck."

It's just a joke, but Joshua feels stung anyway. … Well, he always knew Neku doesn't feel the same about him as he does about Neku. -- and Neku's looking at him, concerned. "I for one could call this a day," Joshua says, a bit abrupt. "That was more excitement than I prefer."

"Yeah," Neku says, and he looks dead on his feet. (But still too alive to be convenient.) "Yeah, I honestly could sleep right here."

How far is too far … hm. "You could take the couch," Joshua edges out carefully, "though I must recommend against that since it's nearly Game week. I can't imagine you would enjoy being woken by … unforeseen visitors."

Neku blanches, more from the idea of a reaper finding him asleep than the reminder of Joshua's job. Curious. "Yeah, next option," he says, wincing.

As expected. "I do own a bed," Joshua states. "Or I could instead have you sent straight home, but …."

"Bed," Neku says. "Beds are nice." Joshua chuckles, not at all reassuringly, but Neku's too tired to give him more than a look.

Sanae winks at them, and Neku jumps like he forgot he was there. "I'm taking your couch, boss," he informs them, and would it kill him to _ask_ …. But then, he probably wouldn't be Sanae.

"Try not to wreck it too badly," is all Joshua says: "those cushions are new."

* * *

Joshua's never actually shown anyone his bedroom before, not that he uses it much himself, but he still feels a burst of pride when Neku stares at his bed in awe. Neku's family could probably fit their whole apartment on it.

 _It looks like it's out of a manga,_ Neku thinks, and Joshua tries to hide his laughter. Warping space is one of the perks of his job, and giving himself a truly ludicrous bed was a lot simpler than the trick with the fish tank.

Maybe he should remodel so he can see the fish in his bedroom -- no, that would be silly. His plain blue walls and his ceiling that echoes what the sky above Scramble Crossing would be like with less light pollution are more than fine enough. (There used to be stars. There used to be stars, and as much as he loves what his city's become, he misses them sometimes.)

Joshua unbuttons his shirt without any drama and flops onto the exact middle of the bed, limbs sprawled to take up as much space as possible. Neku watches him and snickers: Joshua's glad to be entertaining, really, and there's still plenty of room for Neku. Neku, for his part, hesitantly removes his trousers and sits down in his boxers.

Ah. He should have expected this, really. "You," he enunciates carefully, "need sleep."

"And what about you?" Neku says, a bit warily. Not distrusting, Joshua judges, just aware that Joshua likes to keep him on his toes and too tired to do anything about it.

Joshua hums and pulls himself onto his side, smiling slightly. "I could use some rest myself," he admits, "and it can hardly hurt to make sure no lasting damage was done."

Neku makes a face. "Not that you'd tell me if there was," he mutters, flopping down to bury his head in a pillow.

"Such low expectations," Joshua says with a sigh, not at all insulted. It's often true, after all. "I'd tell you if I thought it would matter," he adds.

Neku's grumble shows exactly what he thinks of _that_. After a minute, he pulls himself up enough to watch Joshua, brow furrowed. "Do you even sleep?" he asks.

"Not as such, no," he admits. Some reapers do, but Joshua threw out that aspect of mortality as soon as he had the chance and never looked back. What are dreams compared to prescience? "I do need rest, however, and if I'm not here when you awake, you can call for me and I'll return."

"Okay," Neku says, maybe not thrilled but relieved Joshua doesn't have watching Neku sleep inked into his schedule.

"I do have other things to do, Neku," Joshua adds. "They can wait, but not forever."

Neku nods, carefully not thinking of specific _things_ Joshua might need to do. Joshua didn't think that would last, but it's a little disappointing all the same. "… You're reading my mind again," Neku comments, and it's not an accusation. 

"I'm not sure how to stop," Joshua admits. "It's not intentional, I assure you."

Neku looks at him, weighing that, and Joshua tries his best to seem unruffled. It _isn't_ on purpose, and even if he sometimes doesn't try as hard not to as he could, he does try. (And Neku's leaving Shibuya soon, and -- he needs to not think about this.) "… Okay," Neku decides. "I trust you. Just keep doing your best to not …."

Joshua waits. 

"Try not to look at anything I'd want to be private, okay?" he settles on. "And keep letting me know when you're doing it."

Joshua salutes. That, he can do. And that reminds him …. "You may wish to inform Daisukenojo that you won't be back tonight," he comments, and Neku pales.

"God, yeah, I almost forgot --" he manages, scrambling to get his phone. Joshua sprawls back over the bed once Neku's not looking, and he makes a point of not listening to the text: it isn't his business, and Neku's back is rather pretty. 

There's no clear evidence of what they'd done on the lower frequencies, nothing but a pale red irritation that'll likely be gone tomorrow, and Joshua tosses the visual over, just in case. Neku nods absently, a concern he hadn't thought to have lifting, and Joshua refrains from mentioning how much Neku rings like Joshua himself. Probably nothing to worry about: he can still follow Neku's own tune, and with any luck he'll stay that way.

Once Neku's done, he looks over at him fondly, and Joshua kind of wants to preen. He should have gotten this over with when he was an actual teenager; this is ridiculous. Well, too late now, and he throws a pillow at Neku's head.

Neku catches it and picks a spot on the bed, pulling one of the blankets up and onto himself. "You sleep with pants on?" he asks, and Joshua smirks. 

"No, I usually prefer to go Au Naturel Puppy." He accompanies that with an eyebrow wiggle, because some puns deserve it.

Neku groans: that was terrible and Joshua is so, so proud. "How long did _that_ one take you?"

Joshua laughs. "Not long at all, Neku: it's a gift." He's feeling bold, and Neku seems amenable, so Joshua pulls himself up to be behind Neku and inches closer.

Neku watches him out of one eye, a bit wary, but Joshua just rests his chin on Neku's head. "Hi," Joshua says, dorkily and aware of it, as he sniffs Neku's hair. Some kind of hair gel, presumably: he could have guessed, but it's nice to know.

"… Hey," Neku replies, yawning. He really could go to sleep right now: he's most of the way there already, and Joshua can feel Neku reaching for his power for support. Joshua gives it gladly, pulling Neku close; whatever that binding requires, he'll do his best to carry out his half.

Neku might not need the imprint of calm and Joshua's trust for him, but Joshua sends it anyway, humming as Neku drifts off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neku's Noise form is an [golden-headed lion tamarin](https://www.google.com/search?tbm=isch&q=golden+headed+lion+tamarin), to be specific. Squirrel-sized tiny angry monkey with Neku's hair. Is there anything more appropriate for him? I think not.
> 
> No illustration for this chapter yet, though I've been trying for ages .... Might add one later. Who knows?


	6. In Which Joshua Herds Some Cats

Joshua comes back to himself slowly, languishing in the sound of Shibuya and the plush of his blankets, even as he's aware that duty calls. Duty can wait, he thinks, and then he jerks: Neku. Hastily he suppresses his vibe, though he needn't have bothered, Shibuya chides him: Joshua is Shibuya's and Neku is Shibuya's and his district would hardly let him hurt him by accident. Still, he listens for any off notes, just in case, but Neku is fine.

Neku is better than fine, actually; Neku sounds more like Shibuya than he ever has, almost like he's a conductor already, and Joshua's … not proud, exactly, but something like it.

That might be something to inform him about, Joshua realises, but either Neku will notice or he won't; in this case, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, might even help.

Joshua really _should_ get up -- Sanae needs him for something -- but there's little he'd like to do less. Having someone asleep in his presence is rare enough to still be a novelty, and Neku doesn't stir at all as Joshua brushes his hair out of his eyes and pulls a blanket up to cover him properly. Joshua wasn't lying when he said he didn't sleep, but when Shibuya allows him to rest, he might as well not exist; Neku announces his presence firmly and decisively even unconscious.

And Sanae's threatening to use the couch as a scratching post again. Of course.

Joshua doesn't so much _get up_ as rewrite things so that he's presentable and walking back into the lounge with Neku none the wiser. The throne room is more practical for these matters, he knows, but he's enjoying acting below his station with no one to chastise him for it. Playing the composer in his ivory tower's more fun when he can _stop_ , and Sanae understands that better than anyone.

Sanae's in his Noise form again, each cat claiming a couch as a petty rebellion so that Joshua has nowhere to sit, but Joshua just snaps his fingers and dumps the lion into the fishtank. Sanae _yowls_ as the tiger pulls his other self back up, and Joshua's proudly sprawled on the couch without a care in the world.

Joshua hears Sanae try to upend the table while Joshua puts the floor to rights, but Sanae's no reaper -- not anymore -- and the only power he has here is what Joshua gives him.

"I believe that's check and mate," Joshua drawls, and Sanae reverts to his more humanoid form, though he still resembles a bit of a drowned cat.

"I was just testing you, boss," he says, shaking the water off and getting it all over the furniture. "You didn't have to go that far."

"I did tell you to mind the couch," Joshua complains, and they look at each other. They manage to keep a straight face for a full measure before laughing in unison, Sanae once again artfully disheveled and completely dry.

Joshua flops a hand over his face as Sanae goes to get them something to drink, both still chuckling and completely aware that once they get to what Sanae called him for, they won't want to. It doesn't matter.

Enjoy the moment while you've got it; you never know if you'll have another chance; and even if Sanae's popularity is less than deserved, there's some truth to that. Certainly Joshua has always been happier doing what he wants when he wants, and right now that appears to be listening to Sanae curse everything everyone else has ever done to the bar. Either of them could clean the coffee grinder with a thought, but it's the principle of the thing, and Yashiro and Minamimoto can never quite agree on how to keep it organised.

So of course Sanae decides to sort everything himself, even if he's the one who uses it least. He at least doesn't do so _by hand_ , and Joshua takes the time to work on some paperwork while Sanae procrastinates by making coffee to his exacting standards.

Sanae eventually passes him a cup and sits back down on the couch. "Needs more sugar," Joshua decides.

"You're just saying that, brat," Sanae replies, and he's completely correct. The nutmeg does enough on its own, but it's not like Joshua is ever going to tell him that. "You're lucky I didn't charge you."

"And remind me how I don't charge you rent?" Joshua arches an eyebrow. "You're lucky I consider us even."

"Hey, I helped you into this world," he snipes. "I can take you back out."

Joshua huffs. He could have taken over the Underground all by himself, thank you; it just would have taken longer than the scant two weeks between leaving the RG and becoming composer, never even needing to meet the other reapers. No form of promotion is more time-honoured than murdering one's predecessor, after all.

And Joshua sighs. If only if it were that straightforward for conductors; if only Joshua could just shoot Neku and be done with it. But no, Neku would never trust him again, and Joshua has had enough of conductors he can't _talk_ to. Megumi was a good man and an excellent conductor, but Joshua hardly even knew his _age_ , much less any of his interests, and not for lack of trying.

Neku … Neku would be different, and Joshua could use a change. A pity it takes so long.

Joshua downs the rest of his coffee and meanders over to the foosball table, idling turning one of the knobs. "… What are you going to tell Upstairs?" Joshua asks, in no mood to wait for Sanae to get to the point on his own. He'd like to get back to his nap, actually.

"What do you want me to tell them, boss?" he replies as he gets up to join him. Like what Joshua wants has any impact on it at all; Sanae will report what he wants to report, no more and no less, and they both know that. "Mostly that we're keeping a promising Shibuya winner with ties to the Game for Shibuya, and that he'll be out of our UG for long enough that this way'd save on points."

Joshua feels himself go off-key and winces, re-calibrating himself. It's just what Sanae will tell the Higher Plane, he knows, but … he hadn't run the numbers. Four years of a reaper of Neku's unpromoted level idling abroad, versus their energy expenditure today plus the barely-perceptible upkeep tying him to Neku … yeah, that might be right.

Why does Neku want to take so _long_? Joshua learned about the Underground and dived right in, out of the Realground at fifteen with no regrets, but Neku's considering -- what, twenty-one? Twenty-two? _Twenty-two_ before he'll _probably_ be Joshua's conductor.

This is ridiculous.

"I don't like this," Sanae adds, following along with him. "Neku's a great kid and I like him too, but boss -- I'm getting real tired of claiming Kariya's the Acting Conductor. _Please_ just pick a reaper."

"Promoting Kariya over Yashiro would upset their entire dynamic --"

"Then Yashiro," he states, flicking the ball into the goal. "I don't want anyone else to snipe Neku either, but we've set the record for not having an official conductor in Tokyo, and I'm already on thin ice. Please, boss."

"Yashiro isn't conductor material," he dismisses. Composer, yes, but never a conductor. Especially not if she knows it's a pity prize; Joshua prefers his assassination attempts to come from people who understand _on their own_ when to quit and regroup. "Yashiro and Kariya are doing perfectly well covering Game Master and conductor duties, and many districts combine the role already."

"But not in Tokyo," Sanae says, crossing his arms.

Joshua gives him a look. "Shibuya is in Tokyo, is it not? _I_ am the composer here, and Shibuya will play by My rules," he states. "Tell them that."

His producer stares at him, then laughs. "'course, boss," he says, saluting. "Whatever You want."

"Indeed." And Joshua vanishes, not bothering to dismiss him. He hears Sanae leave a moment later, though he'd be surprised if he doesn't come back: there's nothing he likes more than free entertainment, and Neku provides nothing if not that.

Neku's awake when Joshua returns, which he didn't expect, though perhaps he should have. "Can you … turn it down?" Neku mumbles, blearily trying to watch him as he slides back behind him.

It takes Joshua a moment to get his meaning: he must have raised his frequency while talking to Sanae. And yet Neku still knew he was there. Curious. He drops it back down, and Neku relaxes.

"Go back to sleep," Joshua advises, strengthening it with an imprint, and after a moment, Neku does.

Much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me!


	7. In Which Neku Becomes a Pet Owner

The first thing Neku notices when he wakes up is that he can't move his legs.

The second thing Neku notices is that he has no idea where he is.

The _third_ thing Neku notices is that the reason he can't move his legs is that _there's a freaking wolf the size of a bus sprawled around him_. He can't help it: he freaks.

But the wolf -- dog; it's a dog; the face is all wrong to be a wolf -- jumps up too, startled, and what a way to go: eaten by a giant dog Noise. Only … it's not attacking, just watching him. Watching him like a dog would puppies, even, not sure if it'll need to carry him off. What.

`What's wrong?` Joshua says, and that would be more reassuring if he _knew where Joshua was_.

"Um," explains Neku, and he feels Joshua shifting through his thoughts, and he would be irritated if it wasn't _really fucking appreciated_ right now.

` Oh,` says Joshua, and he laughs. He actually laughs, the bastard, and Neku is probably going to die and it's going to be all his fault and -- oh. The dog's watching him with some kind of doggy smirk, ears perked up and tail wagging like it's a competition, and it lies back down and _licks_ him, long and methodical. He did not need dog saliva all over his -- huh, it doesn't actually leave him wet, though he suspects his hair's a mess. ` Yes, Neku,` Joshua says patiently, `I am the dog.`

So Joshua is the dog.

"You are the dog," Neku echoes, and it finally sinks in. _That's_ Joshua? He would have thought -- no, okay, he didn't think; it never occurred to him that Joshua might have a Noise form just like a lot of the reapers did, but if it had, he doesn't think he would've thought a dog. Now that he knows to look for it, that smirk _is_ Joshua all over, and its fluffy golden mane resembles his hair more than a bit. It almost looks like a lion dog, actually, and maybe that does make sense. He. _He_ looks like a lion dog; if the Noise is Joshua, Neku should treat him like it.

He's still watching Neku, he realises, waiting to make sure Neku doesn't freak back out. Bit of a thing to just throw him into, but Neku can imagine that conversation -- _hey, I can turn into a giant dog; does that bother you?_ \-- and this might actually be less awkward.

"So," says Neku, still adjusting, "do you fetch?"

`No,` says Joshua, mock offended, `but I am rather fetching, don't you think?`

"I think I prefer dogs that can fit through doors," he replies, and Joshua wuffles. Is he -- he _is_ giving Neku the puppy eyes, and it's a bit more effective when he doesn't look near as smug, so long as Neku forgets that Joshua is large enough to swallow him whole. … Which reminds him. "So why was I tiny?"

` It's not the size of the boat that matters,` explains Joshua, very seriously, `but the motion of the ocean.` Neku flips him off, because that's really the only thing he can say to that, and Joshua settles back down around Neku. `It might be because you're still alive. Your physical body _could_ be constraining your imagination. Or …`

"Or …?"

`… or you're just pocket-sized,` he concludes. `Sorry for your loss.`

Asshole. "Bad dog," he chides, brandishing a finger, and Joshua woofs. "Are dogs even allowed on the furniture?"

Joshua stares at him, unamused, and very deliberately places a paw on Neku's head. `Sit, boy.` That does explain the ridiculous bed, though: it's just big enough to let Joshua stretch out without having anything hang off, though of course Joshua's curled up around him right in the center. All the space in the world, and he leaves Neku with none of it. Predictable.

Joshua nudges Neku closer to him (augh, wet dog nose; why is Joshua always so _cold_ ) and rolls over a little, exposing his pale and fluffy belly. `Pet me,` Joshua commands.

He does look pretty soft, but this is still a bit too bizarre for Neku. "Do you always need so much attention?" Joshua wuffles again in dismay. "Fine, okay, you're so picky."

Joshua's fluffiness seems to be proportional to a real dog, because Neku has to put most of his arm through his fur to reach the -- skin, he supposes, or just where the Noise is more solid. He moans in pleasure whenever Neku scritches a particularly nice spot, which is a little disturbing, but probably less so than when he's moaning over health drinks. (That's just weird.) After a bit, Neku climbs up to try to find that spot on Joshua's thigh that usually makes the dogs he's seen kick, which turns out almost as annoying as getting a frayed cord to stop buzzing, the correct angle changing as soon as he thinks he's found it.

Neku's pretty sure Joshua keeps imprinting suggestions of where to scratch next, but it's subtle and harmless and anyway, Neku doesn't really mind.

`You're just going to have to do that forever,` Joshua informs him as he scratches behind his ears, Neku's legs around his neck. Joshua's big enough to ride, and Neku entertains the thought of going down Udagawa on a giant dog. 

"Maybe if you get me a saddle," Neku quips, and -- augh, Joshua's thinking about it, and not in the way he'd meant. He did not need that mental image. "… I'm getting you a dog house just so I can lock you in it."

`You're very cruel.` And _Joshua_ sure is one to talk, but his tail's still wagging and Neku might actually be stuck. Too much hair. Joshua shakes his head and deposits him back by his belly, though, and this … this is a nice way to spend one of his last mornings in Shibuya. 

Joshua goes silent and perfectly still. What did -- … ah. "You know I'm coming back, right? It's not even that far."

`Of course I know,` Joshua says derisively, nudging Neku with his elbow back into his fluff. Neku's tired of petting him, though, and just leans into it. Joshua would be the world's most comfortable pillow if it was possible to get him to _shut up_. 

"So you don't need to worry so much," Neku adds. 

`I'm not,` and that's such bullshit Neku could laugh. He woofs indignantly as punctuation; sure, Joshua, okay, you're not worried. He just … did some kind of questionable magic that seems to have left Neku with the ability to scan him again. But he's not worried.

Joshua growls, long and low, and it'd be a bit unsettling even if Neku couldn't feel him rumbling. Maybe he should lay off a little.

Joshua turns to look at him, and his ears are drooping. `I'm not going to hurt you,` he says, a bit wounded, and maybe he doesn't plan to, but Neku doesn't exactly trust him enough to test his temper. Joshua's shot him twice already, after all.

Joshua wuffles again and licks him. `I don't want you to go,` he admits, and yeah, Neku's already figured that much out.

"I'm going," Neku says, and Joshua nods. 

`I know you are,` and he lightly butts his head against him. `I know you are, and I won't stop you, but -- isn't Shibuya enough?` And Neku's trying to think of a response, of how it isn't about not liking Shibuya as about needing to expand his world, but Joshua continues: `I love you; please come back.`

Something about how he plans on coming back's on his tongue before the first part of that registers. Neku doesn't breathe for a moment; Joshua pulls his head back, sure he's done something wrong.

"You don't get to say that," Neku forces out eventually, pulling himself up. "I like you, and you're my friend, but the people who love me don't use me like you did. And they definitely don't _keep_ manipulating me like you do."

` I haven't --` And Joshua's scrambling to sit up, head low. 

"How long have you been sitting on wanting me as your conductor?" Neku snaps. "Days? Months? Years? Was Kitaniji even dead before you thought, _hey! You know that kid whose life I messed with? Yeah, I want him to help me kill people!_ "

`That isn't --` he starts, but Neku can hear the answer: it wasn't even a week after the Game before Joshua thought of it. God, at least he didn't erase Kitaniji just to make a job opening, but is this really that much better? Oops, killed my first conductor; now I need a new one?

Neku opens his mouth to say more, but Joshua's already bounding off the bed and out the door. 

Shit.

* * *

Joshua's long gone by the time Neku convinces himself to put his clothes back on and try heading home, which isn't a surprise. What _is_ a surprise is that Mr Hanekoma's still on the couch when Neku heads out there, hands steepled and with a tumbler of something on the table in front of him.

(There's also a ton of stuffing scattered about, and the couch looks like some kind of large animal clawed it up, but that's something else and Neku's not sure what to do with that. Ignore it, probably.)

"Neku," Hanekoma says, serious, and Neku really doesn't want to talk to him, either. Neku'd looked up to him, but he's starting to think that as far as Hanekoma and Joshua are concerned, with friends like these, who needs enemies? But Hanekoma isn't really giving him the choice. "What the hell did you do?"

"What, Joshua didn't tell you?" he drawls, and maybe it's a bit cruel, but he doesn't care right now.

Hanekoma glares at him over the top of his glasses, predatory. "No, actually, _he didn't_ , seeing as he was too busy panicking to even notice I'd done a bit of redecorating before he left. So _what did you do?_ "

And there's a lump in his throat -- he didn't want to hurt him, but -- no, Joshua isn't the wronged party here. "Ask him yourself," Neku growls. "He's your friend, isn't he?"

"Neku --" he starts, but Neku's already gone.

* * *

Neku manages to get back home without really thinking about any of it, and it's not until he's automatically getting ready for a shower that he realises that actually, he doesn't smell like the sewers at all. Convenient, if a little weird, but noticing that just means he thinks about Joshua and auuuugh.

God. Joshua. He almost wants to call Beat, but Beat's got work today, and Shiki and Eri're setting up for a show. That leaves … not a lot of options.

His phone vibrates, and even with him pretty sure about who it'd be, he checks it anyway. `Neku? Can we talk?` Joshua sends, and Neku really, really doesn't want to.

`I guess.` So long as he sticks with texts, anyway; Neku really doesn't want to hear Joshua's voice right now, and god -- he hopes he stays out of Neku's head. Please may Neku at least not have to deal with that bullshit today; that really would be the last straw.

`I truly did not mean to hurt you. I am sorry.`

`Of course you are.` He's not sorry; he's sorry he got caught.

`I was not trying to manipulate you into being a replacement for Megumi.` And Neku doesn't have a response for that, so he just waits. `I simply … I liked being your Partner, did you know? We worked well together, and I liked hanging out with you. It was … nice.`

`And then you shot me AGAIN so i guess you didnt like it too much!`

`I regretted it.` And that's not the same thing as an apology, but …. `I really was going to destroy Shibuya, even after you failed to shoot me.`

`But you didn't.` Neku doesn't want to ask _why_ , doesn't even want to be talking to Joshua right now, but maybe he needs to know if he's going to determine if there's any point in hanging out with Joshua at all.

`Killing you the second time was the first thing I regretted, Neku, the very first. I had won thoroughly, even Sanae was just waiting for me to go through with it, but it didn't feel like there would be any point. I won, Neku, but I didn't expect you to do what you did, and I felt … guilty, a little.`

`… is this an apology?` It's years after he'd stopped expecting one, but --

Joshua replies immediately: `No.` Neku should really put his phone away, but something keeps him watching. Morbid curiosity, probably. `I don't regret what I did. I don't think anything else would have worked to make me a different person. But I can promise that I won't do it again.`

`Ill hold you to that.` And Joshua can take that how he'd like; Neku's going to take a nap, and then he'll get dinner with Beat, and he's not going to have anything to do with Joshua until … next week, probably.

* * *

One of the upsides of taking a nap is then he's got a perfectly good excuse to redo his hair, and he rinses out what's left of the gel so he can restyle it. His family's not home, which wouldn't have stopped him anyway but means he avoids the conversation, and after a fight like that, Neku wants to feel hot as hell and like he doesn't care who knows it.

… though Beat might end up feeling a bit underdressed. Hmmm. Eh, Neku can just drop him a note.

`I'm dressing up today. You dont have to if you dont want to but i thought you should know.` There we go, considerate friend duties accounted for.

Neku ruffles through his closet, towards the back where he put all the things he'd gotten during the Game. One of the highlights of the Game -- one of the things he really, truly would not have gotten anywhere else -- is that invisibility meant he could wear whatever the hell he wanted without worrying about what people would think. It's funny that now that he actually tries to connect to people, he can finally shut down that voice going on about propriety, but there you go. People are strange.

Most of the Lapin Angelique and Natural Puppy just reminds him of Joshua, which no, not today, but … hm. D+B doesn't quite do the thing he's looking for … ah, there's the Dragon Lady he'd picked up. Bright reds and yellows, perfect to go with his hair. Everyone is going to know exactly where he is and he is going to own it.

He looks at his hair in the mirror. Leaving it unstyled just isn't his thing, and his usual spikes'd clash with this outfit, but … ah, there we go. He can style it so it goes down and out, kind of like a mane, and with some bangs … there, perfect. He takes out his phone and snaps a few pictures, sending them to Shiki: she'd definitely appreciate it.

Neku might not know all that much about fashion, but he can tell when he looks good, and damn.

It does mean that Neku won't be able to go to Beat's place, but they'd already arranged a while ago that they'd meet in Miyashita Park, just in case of things like that. Beat's parents have been getting on Rhyme's case about her being old enough that she needs to wear dresses, though Beat's been staunchly on her side and all it's _really_ meant is that the moment they're not paying attention, Rhyme changes back into the clothes she actually likes.

Life's too short to do what other people want you to do. Enjoy the moment.

Beat's breathless for a second when he sees Neku sitting on a park bench like he owns it, legs together and an arm over the back.

"Wow," Beat says, and then repeats, "wow. You said dressed up, but -- damn."

Neku grins, then stands up and gives him a peck on the cheek. Beat flushes red, but he's happy. "Thanks," Neku says, and Beat nods hesitantly.

Beat himself's wearing long pants and a red jacket, the sort of thing that looks cheap and casual if you don't know how to recognise Wild Boar quality, and he's skipped the hat and put his hair in a ponytail today. He looks … honestly, he looks amazing, and Neku tells him as much. (Neku leaves out that he looks totally different without his hat on; Beat _loves_ his hat and it's not Neku's place to judge.)

Dinner's pretty straightforward, Ken Doi's latest ramen experiment for Neku and some off-the-menu curry for Beat, and while Neku kind of wonders when Beat'd made friends with him, it'd invite the topic of why Mr Doi knows _Neku_ and he's not up for that today. The food's delicious as ever and thankfully no one Neku recognises in a bad way's eating there today, so Neku can listen to Beat talk about his latest comedy sketches and skateboard tricks in peace.

(Pinky walks past outside, and Neku knows without looking that Lollipop recognised them and pulled her off to get dinner somewhere else. It's strange, but he doesn't think too much of it; he can sense Joshua's presence, so why not some of the reapers? And at least they're leaving him alone.)

It's nice, and neither of them want to broach any potentially-messy subjects on what might be the last chance they have in a while to do this. Neku might only be across town, but that still means they'd have to _plan_ things, and he's going to have to keep building up his portfolio …. It's easy to start putting people out of mind once you're not seeing them every day, and while they're all going to try their best, Neku's already seeing this with Shiki.

Something of what he's thinking must have shown on his face, though, since Beat grins at him and holds out a fist. Neku smirks back and bumps it.

It'll work out.


	8. In Which Neku Breaks a Leg

Joshua doesn't show up when Neku half-heartedly looks for him. Neku could probably call him, but he's planning to visit Shibuya again on the weekend, once he's started to get settled: he might have his bags packed and ready, but no one ever travels without forgetting something, and maybe he'll feel up to bringing the rest of his stuff over. He just hopes he doesn't forget anything he won't be able to get back.

Neku even tries checking at WildKat despite his better judgement, but it's closed. Guess Mr Hanekoma doesn't want his business while he and Joshua are -- not fighting, exactly, but something like it. Too bad.

Beat and Shiki give him a hug at Hachiko. "Best of luck, dude," Beat says, and Neku grins. 

"Call us when you get settled and we'll throw you a housewarming party, okay?" says Shiki, and she looks a little sad, but it's the good kind of sad. He'll be back. He isn't even going too far to visit easily.

"Sounds good," Neku says. "I'll let you know how it goes."

He's never been good at farewells, but this isn't one, really. Beat ruffles his hair and Shiki makes sure he doesn't forget anything, and it's nice.

A pity Joshua didn't come to see him off, but that's that guy's problem and Neku isn't surprised. Just disappointed. 

Neku manages to get a seat, which is rare, and it's while the train's crowded as ever, which is basically unheard of. But now that he's thinking of it, people've been giving him a wide berth lately in general. It's kind of weird. Not in the same way as they gave him space during the Game, but not far from it, either. Huh.

The weird shit just gets weirder when Neku realises that he's aware of _exactly_ when they cross over from Shibuya to Shinjuku: the faint melody he's heard for long enough to not even notice it anymore switches tempo and key, though if you asked him what it was before, he wouldn't be able to tell you. The crowd closes in around him immediately after; maybe it's a Shibuya thing. He'll have to ask Hane -- he'll have to ask Joshua about it, whenever he's talking to him again.

( _If_ they end up talking again; Neku suspects Joshua might be the kind to hold grudges. This … could get messy.)

Finding the dorms in Nerima is easier than he thought it might be: he hasn't been here much, but his intuition for these things is pretty good. Not as good as in Shibuya, of course, where he can often guess where the traffic's backed up without checking (and he kind of doubts he could do that _before_ the Game), but he keeps his destination in mind and lets his autopilot handle the rest.

At least he hasn't seen any signs of Players yet. Does the Game even work the same outside of Shibuya? He hopes he won't have to find out, but with his luck …. Joshua was probably just paranoid; there was never any chance he'd accept Neku leaving his territory with grace, and, well, he didn't. So much for that.

Getting his room and moving in's a bit of a hassle, but he manages. Too bad he couldn't bring his keyboard with him the first trip: he's a bit in the mood to compose something. Oh well. At least he's got his sketchbook.

… He forgot dental floss. That should at least be easy enough to fix.

`I got here okay. Just letting you know`, Neku texts Beat, Shiki, and Joshua, and it's not really a surprise that Joshua doesn't reply.

* * *

Classes start on Monday, and Neku hopes he's ready. He's as ready as he's going to be, anyway, and most of the people on his floor have moved in. No one he knew already, which is no surprise, but Neku isn't sure how to feel about it. It makes sense, though: the commute from Shibuya to Geidai's pretty easy; Neku just had the money and inclination to move out.

It'll be fine. There's probably plenty of people with interests like his here. He won't be isolated, and if he gets too lonely, he can just head back to Shibuya and hang out with his friends there. Or they can come to him: it's not like he's in the middle of nowhere, and he needs to get familiar with the area anyway. _Actually_ familiar, that is, not just relying on his (un)natural direction sense.

So it's with that in mind that he heads over to Ueno Park to look around campus and find somewhere to paint. The cherry blossoms aren't blooming yet, which might've been disappointing, but hey: fewer people. He'll take it.

He's just about through his gesture warm-ups when a girl runs up to him with obvious relief on her face. "Hey, finally caught you," she says in an obvious Kansai accent. "D'you know where the game's gonna be?"

He looks at her with honest confusion. "What?" he says, and something about her's really familiar. Oh, he's seen her on his floor.

She watches him meaningfully, but when he still doesn't get it, she sighs. "I could've sworn -- sorry to bug you, dude, got you mixed up with somebody else."

… wait, is she a _reaper_? "Wait, actually --"

" _The hell are you doing here, Shibuya!_ " another woman booms, and okay, that was _definitely_ from the UG. Kansai Girl jumps, and -- yeah, that answers that.

Neku'd really like to pretend he didn't notice, but he gets the feeling that'd just get him in more trouble. "I go to university here," he says, and he's not going to be happy if he gets a reputation for talking to thin air _before classes even start_.

The UG woman glares at him, hands on her hips and wings out intimidatingly, and from the size of them, Neku'd guess he's been here two days and has already pissed off an officer. The next Game Master, his intuition -- or maybe the Music -- fills in, only promoted three Games ago, but with the determined patience of a potter, she's probably one who'll last. "Nobody said jack shit about some dumbass newbie officer dropping by, Shibuya. Go home."

Fucking -- did Joshua not streamline this at _all_?! "I'm not even dead," Neku snaps. "Did the --" -- wait, this isn't Shibuya; it's not a given -- "-- _my_ composer say anything at all?" God, and the reaper girl's looking between them like she's not sure which way to jump, but either way she's probably going to get eaten. What a way to start the year.

"All I got here's something about a former winner they've got plans for," she states, brandishing her phone like Neku can change what's on it. "And how they'll trade a few favours so long as we keep our hands off." She adds in a mutter, though clearly intending for him to hear it, "not that anyone even _cares_ about stealing people's winners; they're hardly ever worth the hassle."

"I think that'd be me," Neku says. He can't imagine who else it'd be. "I could call him, if it'd help." … And if he thought Joshua might actually pick up.

And the pissy GM's staring at him like he grew a second head. Great. "You know your composer's phone number?"

"Yeah? He's freaking glued to his phone."

She keeps staring at him, then shakes her head. "Right, whatever. Look, kid, I know Game winners. Half the professors worth their salt are Game winners. _You_ are something else, and I don't appreciate some asshole trying to lie to me when I've got a Game to plan tomorrow. I get plenty of that shit in my day job, and I'm actually _paid_ for that."

Neku has no idea what to say to that, but the girl's got her hand up like she's in class. "Excuse me, sir?" she says, waving her arm, and the GM looks at her. "Where do I go for the Game tomorrow?"

"You the wall reaper from the boonies?" she says, all business now.

She winces a little. "Yeah, I, uh, I always wanted to see Tokyo --"

"Check your phone tomorrow morning for your assignment. Shouldn't conflict with your classes or nothing. -- You do have a phone, right?"

The wall reaper rolls her eyes. "I'm _rural_ , not _backwards._ "

"Right, whatever." She glares at Neku again, a bit deflated. "You still gonna be around tomorrow?"

"Should be, yeah. I got class." And he doesn't care _how_ many reapers are mad about it: he's going. 

"Right, well, I'm gonna ask the conductor about you, and if you're lying, you'll regret it. This ain't Shibuya, you hear? So let me get your name down …."

"Neku Sakuraba," he says clearly, though he's not sure if he really wants them to be able to look him up. Eh, they can probably just listen for him again. Thanks, Joshua. "That's Sakuraba as in cherry garden; Neku as in sound manipulation."

"That is the fakest name I ever heard," she states, but Neku just shrugs. Appropriate as it is, it's still his name. She stares at him, then shrugs in defeat. "Right, well, I'll see you tomorrow, brat, and hopefully _you_ never, Shibuya," she says, and she vanishes before the wall reaper can even get in a bow.

"She seemed friendly!" the wall reaper chirps. Neku gives her a dark look. "I hadn't actually met a Game Master before: we don't have them where I'm from."

"Oh?" says Neku, interested despite himself. It's never going to matter. He's not going to need to know about other Games, because he's going to stay in the Realground doing RG things. And if he believes that, he's got a bridge to sell. 

She rubs her neck. "Yeah, well, my hometown's small enough we just got a composer, conductor, and a few harriers. We don't even bother with wall reapers, haha. Don't get enough points, you know?"

Neku shakes his head. "Nope." And he shouldn't even care: those 'points' were _Players_.

"Well, you kind of need a certain number of Players going through the Game to keep the reapers going, or else we'll all end up erased and then it's bad news bears," she says pragmatically. "I got demoted when I came down here so I'd have more time for homework, but the only reason that works is they get enough people going through that they can support some more bottom feeders. Back home, it gets tricky when we just have one more harrier than usual. … Though I guess the boss might give away my spot now, considering."

Huh. This is all very interesting, but Neku has some grass to watch grow. … And she's watching him, a bit disappointed. "Why are you even telling me this?" he says eventually.

"You might not be a reaper, but you're still clearly part of the Game, you know?" She sighs. "And I'm new here, and --"

"I don't kill people," Neku interrupts. "And no matter what J -- what my composer's thinking, I don't want to, either."

"They'd die anyway," she says, brushing it off with one hand. "Least this way some of us get a second chance."

Reapers. Neku gives her a disparaging glance, then turns back to his painting, hoping she'll get the hint.

God, he hopes this doesn't turn out to be representative of his time at university.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, the posted wordcount's passed that of [Breakdown Noise](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2546708)! (Which this is set after, but doesn't rely on at all, so.) :Db


	9. In Which Neku's Optimism is Unwarranted, But Things Are Rarely As Bad As They Seem

It does. Of course it does. _Thank you,_ Joshua.

Neku's halfway through his first class before he finally figures out what's wrong: he's been hearing the background noise of other people's thoughts. He got used to it during the Game, and then he had to get used to being alone in his own head afterward, and then … it slowly came back, he supposes, as he hung around with Joshua. Never clear enough that he noticed, just enough to judge the mood of a crowd, the mood of the city, but he's listening to his art history professor and he realises he hears her musings about what she's going to have for lunch today and which students she can already tell will be trouble just as clearly as he hears her explain the material.

God. How long has _that_ been going on? It can't have been long, can it, that he'd be scanning people completely by accident, without even _noticing_ , and it's not like he's going to _do_ anything with it --

\-- but he's turning into _Joshua,_ or something like it, and --

\-- he feels sick.

He'd known that sometimes when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back, that the last possible way to get some distance was to reach his hand out and let the abyss take it, and this metaphor's getting away from him, but Joshua was _lonely_ and _his friend_ and leaving him to wallow by himself would -- would have been wrong.

Despite everything Joshua'd done, it would have been wrong.

Not without giving him a chance, to squander or make good with as he wills, and Neku _likes_ Joshua. Likes him enough to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this wasn't on purpose, but Neku knows Joshua well enough that even if he didn't _mean_ to do this, Joshua sure as hell wouldn't be _disappointed_. Joshua might not even help him try to _fix_ this, and that's --

Neku feels sick.

He sticks it out through class, even manages to get some decent notes, then finds a quiet-ish spot on campus to turn on his phone and try calling Joshua.

It goes straight to voice mail, because of course it does. The _one time_ Neku wants to talk to Joshua, and he can't reach him. Brilliant.

Neku hangs up without leaving a message. If Joshua's avoiding him, then fuck him. Just … fuck him.

He momentarily considers calling Hanekoma about it, but no. Talking to Hanekoma isn't much better than talking to Joshua; at least Joshua doesn't try to be nice about it. Sigh.

He gives himself around ten minutes to sit around feeling sorry for himself, then pulls himself together, shuts his phone back off, and heads off to his next class. Gotta keep moving.

He'll see his friends this weekend, anyway.

* * *

That evening, Neku receives a text from an unknown number.

`Your composer vouched for you. Enjoy your classes. -- Ueno District's GM Sawada`

Gee. Thanks.

* * *

Most of the rest of the week is uneventful, though the reaper girl introduces him to what seems like half the musicians in his building, out of what might be small town nosiness and what might be familiar old attempts to curry favour with people who might end up your boss. Turns out she's studying conducting, and he can't help it: he bursts out laughing, though neither of them explain the joke.

No matter her motives, they seem friendly, and one of them agrees to let him borrow her keyboard until he can bring his own over.

He's never been the most sociable, but it's nice, to meet people and not have to worry about when anything bad'll happen. He can handle it, whatever it is, and if he can't, then his friends will help him; all he needs to do is get through this. It would be easier if he could focus on someone without starting to scan them, but so long as he's always in groups --

\-- no, it's still surprisingly difficult, like balancing books on your head as you go about your day, but he'll figure this out. Right?

* * *

Thursday evening, as he works on his color theory homework, his phone rings. It's Beat's ringtone, and he's tempted to leave it and call back once he's done, but he sets his brush down (in the water cup, _not_ in the coffee cup; he is trying to be careful about it) and picks it up.

"Hey," Beat says hurriedly, like he's under real strain, "I got some priss kid here who asked me to call you. You wanna talk to him? I can tell him to piss off, if you want."

… priss kid? "No, but put him on anyway."

Some muffled chatter, and … "Neku?" says Joshua, and the asshole actually sounds _concerned_.

"Why the fuck have you been avoiding me?" Neku snaps. ("Neku --") "The moment I leave Shibuya," ("-- Neku --") "the moment I'm doing something for myself that's exactly not what you want," ("-- Neku --") "you stop talking to me, and I keep _scanning people_ , Joshua, _this is not supposed to happen_ ," and Joshua thankfully now waits for Neku to finish. "So what the hell is your problem?"

"Neku," he says again, and if Neku had a 5 yen coin for every time Joshua said his name, he'd be one lucky fucker. "I wasn't avoiding you."

" _Then why didn't you return my calls_? I texted you! Multiple times!"

A pause. Neku is really fucking tempted to just hang up; he would deserve it. "I didn't charge my phone," Joshua admits, a bit sheepish.

That … actually makes sense. Sort of. "What do you mean, you didn't charge it?" Neku says. "You're on it _all the time_."

"But it isn't charged," Joshua says, and Neku suspects he's probably extremely interested in the ceiling right now. "I've never charged it."

The fuck? "You're on it _all the time_ ," Neku says again.

"Neku, I have _never_ charged my phone. I didn't even know I needed to," he says, earnest, and this is the kind of bullshit Neku can almost believe. Anything else, he'd be sure Josh is lying, but this is absurd enough to be true. "I thought _you_ were avoiding _me_ ," and from the way he says it … Neku almost thinks he might be scared.

Well. Neku'd yelled at him, was very clearly still irritated with him when he'd made the worst attempt at an apology Neku has ever seen, and then if none of Neku's messages got through …. Neku can see it, Joshua not showing up to watch him go out of some misguided attempt to not make him even _more_ angry, because anyone could tell Joshua's deeply bothered by Neku leaving Shibuya. Even the Ueno GM thought he was acting weird, and she's never even met the guy.

Yeah, Neku can see it; the only thing he _doesn't_ see is why he'd go to Beat for help. "So then, all those times I called or texted you …."

"Yes," he says simply.

"You use your composer powers to run your phone."

"Yes," like it's Neku's fault he hadn't realised. Like it's Neku's fault that _anyone_ would ever _not_ run their phones through their weird dead god powers, honestly, Neku, do you think he has all day?

Neku bursts out laughing, a bit from stress, but mostly because _what the hell_. "You're the weirdest guy I know, you know."

"Am I?" Joshua scoffs. "Did you know most people have to _memorise numbers_ to call people? It's completely ridiculous."

Neku rubs at his head with his other hand. "No, Josh, they put them in the address book," he corrects, then sighs. "So are you saying you don't even _have my number_?"

"Why would I? I decide that I want to grace you with my wit, and then I do. But with you out in the Realground outside Shibuya …."

"… you would have to actually call me," Neku finishes.

A shifting sound that Neku assumes is a nod, and then a quiet, "yes." And louder: "It's never mattered before."

"I've never been living outside Shibuya before," Neku replies, and from Joshua's answering silence, he can tell Joshua's aware of that, thank you very much for reminding him, he _hadn't noticed_. "… Joshua," Neku says, serious, and Joshua hums a _go on_. "Some weird shit's been happening since we -- since the thing."

"The thing?" he echoes. "Oh. Yes. That." He hums, or maybe sighs. "I don't really know much about that. You'd have to ask Mr H, unfortunately. He should be back tomorrow, assuming he's not executed for treason."

"… 'Executed?'" No one ever tells Neku anything, and he said this so lightly, like it doesn't even matter.

"Oh, well, you know," Joshua says vaguely, and Neku _really doesn't_ , thanks. "It won't happen; anyone can tell we used strictly human means to persuade you, and anyway, if they let him live after that mess in …." He trails off.

"… That mess in …?"

"You'll have to ask him about it," Joshua says briskly, and Neku doubts he's letting this slip unintentionally. Hanekoma is keeping something from Neku, something important, and Joshua isn't exactly happy about it. " _Anyway,_ Sanae's done much worse than this with nothing more than a slap on the wrist and a few death threats, and he'll be back tomorrow safe and sound. You'll have to ask him then, because I quite frankly don't know what to tell you."

… reassuring. "Great, thanks," Neku says. "… Can you put Beat back on?"

"In a moment," Joshua says, and he actually sounds a bit awkward. "If you decide that you wish to hear my dulcet tones again …."

"Yeah?"

"… try dialing me from the UG; your local reapers should put it through, and once the connection's established, it'll last into the Realground, at least for a little while."

"Huh," says Neku, because what else do you say to that? "… I don't know how to get into the UG."

"I'll teach you when you get back," he offers. "Until then, you could have a reaper do it; it'll work just as well, though I'll have to adjust my voice. … Be safe, Neku."

"You too," Neku replies, "and it was nice talking to you."

Joshua huffs, and there's a few clunking sounds as he hands the phone back.

"Hey, Phones," Beat says, and Neku lights up just at his voice. "Your friend's a real asshole."

"He is," Neku agrees fondly. "But he's _my_ asshole."

A moment. "Uh."

"… That … didn't come out the way I wanted it to."

Beat snickers. "Yeah, uh, I sure hope not. How've you been?"

Neku tells him about his week, about his classes and the reaper girl and even a little about the scanning shit, though that means Neku has to tell him more about Joshua, and that's -- awkward. Not that Neku ever intentionally keeps this stuff from him, but the thing with Joshua doesn't even entirely make sense to _Neku_ ; explaining it to someone else would be completely hopeless.

"That sounds like a lot of shit," Beat says, once Neku's done. "I can punch him again for you, if you want."

"Nah, I'm good," but then it registers: "wait, _again_?" Beat's silent, which is a bit worrying. "Beat," Neku sighs.

"Look," he says, awkward, and Neku can picture him scratching his neck, "you'd told me he's the guy who killed you the first time, and then he was telling me about being the comp -- the head honcho, and I kinda …."

Oh hell. "Please tell me he wasn't pissed," Neku checks. Joshua is obnoxious at the best of times, but a Joshua in a foul mood could do a _lot_ of damage ….

"Nah, he was kinda …." Beat trails off. "I don't know how to say this, but I … think he liked it," and Beat sounds so embarrassed that Neku kind of wishes he could pat him on the back.

 _Hell_. "I'm gonna kill him," Neku states. "I'm gonna revive him somehow, and then I'm gonna kill him, and he's gonna deserve it." Beat laughs awkwardly. "I am _so sorry_ you had to deal with that."

"Nah, it wasn't that bad," Beat says. "I got the impression he was trying real hard not to be a jerk, but …"

"… he's a big enough jerk that it doesn't help," Neku finishes. "Yeah, that's Josh all right."

"Better you than me," Beat says frankly. "I don't know how you stand it."

"I don't always," Neku admits. "So how've you been holding up?"

"Not bad, not bad. Work's same as always, but you know. Rhyme's been staying with me most nights this week. The 'rents've been in a mood with you gone and me moving out, so …."

They chat for a while, Neku sticking on a headset so he can go back to his homework, and as good as it is to talk to his classmates, this is what he needed, to know that somebody _gets it_ , and even if he's been gone hardly any time at all, this weekend can't come fast enough. When they finally hang up, Neku feels warm and loved and like everything will work out somehow.

He'll get through it. Even the weird supernatural stuff, it'll all work out and he'll be fine some way or another. His friends will make sure of it.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope nobody was too disappointed by the lack of update on Friday, but I either needed to skip last Friday and this Friday or do a double-update if I wanted to avoid a completely _nasty_ cliffhanger, and I've been too busy writing the sequel to this fic (20k words in already!!) to do any of the last few illustrations I wanted to fill in. :D;;


	10. In Which Neku Has Insufficient Data

On Saturday, Neku takes the train back to Shibuya: maybe they're all planning on a housewarming party, but it still feels like it'd be more polite to pick his stuff up. And anyway, Joshua'll be thrilled. Probably.

It can't hurt to occasionally do what Joshua wants, but Neku's sure not going to revolve his life around him. It's no good for Neku, and it's probably no good for Joshua, either: that guy needs to get used to being told no. And he _definitely_ isn't going to head back to Shibuya each weekend. That's just flat out not going to happen.

Neku zones out most of the way on the train, only perking up as he crosses each district border, but the moment he hits Shibuya, his phone starts vibrating and doesn't stop for a solid minute. Wow, that is a _lot_ of texts.

Mostly from Joshua, to no surprise, but he's not the only reaper who'd nudged him. K. Kariya and U. Yashiro apparently tried to spam him with photos of food, but the names don't ring a bell until he finds a selfie where Lollipop'd just dumped a bowl of ramen over Pinky's head, and then an S. Hashimoto asked him like a bolt from the blue for the names of the inventors of tin pin. Seriously now? He'd thought he'd had enough of that nonsense during the Game.

Neku flips through them all, looking for blackmail material more than anything else, and shakes his head.

`Try not to die of boredom away from a proper shopping district.`

`Make sure to visit the museums while you're there. They're probably a waste, but you might learn something.`

`Jupiter of the Monkey's sales are down. Good riddance.`

`Kariya won't play me in Tin Pin anymore. He's too old to be such a sore loser.`

… and so on and so forth, Joshua having apparently tried to send him whatever occurred to him at the time until eventually descending to random photos of clouds and food and crimes against fashion. Neku's not sure if he's touched or weirded out; does Joshua have other friends? There has to be other people he can send these things to.

He considers actually responding to any of it, but instead just pulls out a candy bar and snaps a photo, sending it to Joshua and Kariya. It might be petty spam, but --

\-- Kariya replies with a picture of some bean paste. This means _war_.

By the time Neku gets off the train, he's out of ideas of what to text Kariya. And Joshua: he's CCing him each time even if he's no idea if Joshua's reading them. It's only fair.

Neku'll kill Joshua (or … not … kill him, whatever) if this eats up his data plan. Just on principle.

His friends aren't there to meet him, which disappoints him more than it should, but a large dog sitting next to Hachiko barks hopefully the moment he's in sight. Neku doesn't even know any dog owners, and yet he can't shake the feeling he's seen it before. (Shiki has cats, but that's different.)

… Oh. He looks at the dog, and Shibuya _sings_. Why even --

Neku briskly walks over and glares down at it -- him -- which is harder than he'd like: that dog is _huge_. Way too big to keep in a Tokyo apartment, but for _this_ dog, that's no issue.

The dog looks him in the eye, calculating, then headbutts him. Neku doesn't fall over, but it's an effort.

"I'm not buying you yakitori," Neku states, feeling a little silly about talking to a dog in broad daylight.

`But don't you like my Hachiko impression?` Joshua whines, tilting his head, before standing up to lean on Neku in a clear demand to pet him. God, he's huge. Even down to a more realistic scale, he's huge.

Neku doesn't even need to bend over to scratch the dog between his ears, he's that big, and Joshua groans appreciatively. `That's what he said,` he adds, and it takes Neku a second.

Neku swats his nose. Bad dog! No mind reading!

Joshua lowers his tail, chagrined, before butting his head back into Neku's hand. God, he's so _demanding_. Neku hears Joshua's satisfaction at that: _that wasn't a compliment._

` … It can be if I want it to,` Joshua sends back, and it's strangely comforting, this low exchange of telepathy, even if Neku'd rather it were gone. It's _different_ when it's mutual, even if Neku's sure Joshua could block him, and if Neku only had to interact with reapers … then it would be okay, but he doesn't and it isn't.

Joshua huffs, and Neku moves to dig his fingers into the fur on the scruff of his neck. He's not blaming Joshua, really. Maybe he should be, but he isn't. 

"Why are you a dog, anyway?" Neku has to ask. He just didn't want to give Joshua the satisfaction of him focusing on the elephant in the room. Or the mountain dog, as the case may be: he's large enough it's hard to tell the difference. 

`Why is anyone anything?` Joshua says, faux philosophical. `I suppose I'm a dog for my charming wit and love for all of humanity, while you're a monkey because -- why? A tendency to throw poo at people?`

Low blow, Josh, low blow. "I'm not that kind of monkey," he says instead. … This has to look strange, but he checks and nobody's listening. And not even in that polite _pretending not to pay attention while listening to every word_ way, either: actually nobody is listening. Did they slip into the Underground …?

Joshua doesn't explain that, not that he really expected him to, and sits down, stomping a forefoot. `Neku,` he says, serious, `you wanted me to help you stop scanning people, correct?`

"Well, it _is_ your fault," Neku states. Or maybe Hanekoma's, and -- wait. "Is Mr H okay?" he blurts out. He'd forgotten he even should be concerned …!

Joshua tilts his head and blinks. `Of course he is,` he says derisively. It's a reasonable question, okay; it's not like anyone would have told Neku if he wasn't. `Now shush.`

There has to be a better time and place for this than here and now, but Neku shushes anyway. If Joshua is going to be helpful, might as well encourage that. 

Joshua smirks. `You wondered why I'm in my Noise form? Make me human again.`

… What. It doesn't really get less silly after Neku stares at him, either. "… and how am I supposed to do that?" 

`How about a kiss?` he quips again, and it isn't any funnier the second time. `Ask Shibuya,` he says, more seriously. He tilts his head, calculating.

Neku isn't sure how to do _that_ , either, but Joshua wuffs -- does he have to do _everything_ \-- and Neku's attention jumps back to the low buzz of the district. Maybe he _does_ know how, the little bit of _this is how the city moves_ intuition showing him the cacophonous symphony that is Joshua, his composer counter-melody too strong and pervasive for Neku to spot the few strings playing Joshua himself, and Shibuya points out to him a percussion line.

Neku can almost hear how that might be Joshua's current shape, but changing it's beyond him. He's not one of the reapers. 

Joshua whistles sometimes if he doesn't have his phone out, he realises, and while Neku can't whistle well … he thinks for a moment and taps out a beat with his foot. Just a riff or two, just something that jumped into his head, but he hears Joshua's familiar chuckle once he's done before he's flicked in the nose.

"Was that _really_ necessary?" he says, looking Joshua over. He looks about right, human shaped once more, and if he's insufferably smug … well, it is Joshua. 

"Absolutely," he proclaims, before tapping his chin. "That took you longer than I expected, but well done all the same."

"Gee, thanks." Joshua sure knows how to make a guy feel appreciated. 

Joshua beams at him: that he does, Neku, that he does. "Most reapers wouldn't be able to do it at all, mind."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Neku has to ask. Weird tests from Joshua were _not_ what he had in mind for his first weekend from university. It's still strange how the crowd moves around them without ever quite realising they're there, but that's nearly normal for being near Joshua.

Joshua hums. "Not particularly," he admits. "I was curious as to if you could listen to Shibuya intentionally, as well as by accident." And then he smirks, smug as anything, but there's real pride there, too. "It seems so."

Well, that's helpful. That just might solve _all of Neku's problems_. "What exactly does that have to do with me wanting to _not_ read minds, you jerk?"

A full body shrug, like it not only has nothing to do with him but shame on Neku for even thinking it might, and then Joshua hops up onto Hachiko himself. Neku scowls at him: that's really rude, to sit on a statue like that, but Joshua merely shoots him a helpless glance and waves his hand _through_ Hachiko's snout. Fine, okay, maybe it's fine since he's insubstantial, but that's _still_ insulting on a deep level. Joshua just smiles at him and starts polishing him and cleaning off the bird poop, just as Neku and Shiki had done that one day, and returns to the subject at hand.

"I _suppose_ if I muted your awareness of the city, you'd stop scanning anyone else, too," Joshua offers, rolling his eyes in distaste at the notion. His glance flickers down to Hachiko, and he scratches the statue behind the ears. Neku could almost swear he saw Hachiko's ears flick, and, well, why not? "But that's merely postponing the inevitable," he adds, "and you likely won't like it."

Neku snorts. "I don't like the way it is now, either." Joshua sighs in reply, and Neku continues: "but what's _inevitable_ about it?"

"You're nearly a reaper, Neku," Joshua explains. "You sound like one; you hear the city like one; all you're missing is your wings, and you don't need them while you're alive. Tuning out the Underground is a complete waste. Shibuya loves you; _Tokyo_ loves you, even if the other districts know where you belong, and you can't easily block yourself from scanning without blocking the rest. It's … unpleasant."

Neku almost argues with that, but something about the way Joshua says that makes it sound like he's speaking from experience, and that it's a bit of an understatement. But of course it'd be unpleasant _for him_ ; he's been the composer for longer than Neku's been alive, and more involved with the Underground than the Realground even before then.

So he mulls that over, rather than fighting him reflexively, and … there's something major he's been missing. Something Joshua doesn't want him to ask, he realises, that he's been carefully avoiding even in the few thoughts Neku can make out over the dull roar of Shibuya itself.

" _Why_ am I nearly a reaper?" Neku asks.

"Ah," Joshua says. Bingo. Joshua studies the cloud cover with a newfound fascination; Neku thinks it might rain later, and Joshua (or Shibuya, or maybe there isn't always a difference) fills in how much and when. "Well."

Yeah, giving him the weather forecast is not really going to work as a distraction. Neku looks at him sternly, more tired than angry. It's so exhausting being angry at Joshua, and … and Neku keeps wanting to think he doesn't have anything up his sleeves, or at least nothing Neku's going to be pissed about. More fool he.

"You must admit," Joshua settles on, "it's preferable to erasure."

 _What._ Neku tenses, ready to run or fight or whatever he has to do, even if Joshua has every advantage and there's _not a thing Neku can do about it_. "Are you threatening me?" Neku chokes out, in disbelief or fury or maybe just pure disappointed exhaustion. He thought maybe they were past this bullshit. Why would he ever think that? It's _Joshua_ and there's always some new fractal depth of bullshit, always some detail Neku'd missed.

Joshua puts his hands up like he's harmless, like he could ever be harmless, and gives him a look. "Certainly not," he says, offended, like he's the one who's been wronged. "I simply …."

There are times Neku can let Joshua pick his favored phrasing, _and this is not one_. "What," he growls.

"I have a very high vibe," he admits with chagrin.

… And that means exactly nothing to Neku. He doesn't dignify that with a response.

"Neku," he tries, then sighs. "Neku, there are reasons the composer usually only has contact with the conductor. It's _dangerous._ "

"Yeah," Neku drawls, "someone might shoot you, and then where would you be? Oh, wait, _you're immune to bullets._ " Otherwise they'd all be in a very different Shibuya. One with a lot more bad art.

Joshua shakes his head. "Even besides the inevitable assassination attempts -- and Neku, most of the reapers know where I live; they're free to try, and sometimes do -- only the strongest of reapers can be near me without risking destabilisation," he explains, fiddling with his hair. "I'm entirely capable of erasing people without having meant to, if I'm not careful. Surely you've noticed you rarely tolerate my presence for long?"

"That's because you're an asshole." Who does he think he's fooling?

Joshua shakes his head, not declining the label. "Honestly, Neku, even if I were the most agreeable sheep in Shibuya, you would _still_ take offense."

"Josh, you could never be agreeable," Neku states, but he could believe it. "What does this have to do with you making me almost a reaper?"

"I didn't say I did that," Joshua says. 

Neku just stares at him.

Yeah, he didn't say it, but who the hell else would have done it? Def Märch? It was Joshua; Neku can tell it was Joshua; in the _highly unlikely_ event it wasn't Joshua, it was probably Mr Hanekoma doing it _for_ Joshua, in which case it's still Joshua's fault. What an amazing coincidence! Something happened that mostly benefits Joshua! _Who could have possibly done this?_

"I raised your vibe," Joshua states, and while Neku still doesn't really know what that _means_ , Neku still knows enough to keep staring until he adds, "at least once per Game week since -- since I realised I needed a new conductor. It seemed the simplest solution."

Once per Game, with two Games a month, means … probably means getting on towards fifty times. And he said _at least_ , and knowing Joshua, that's a massive understatement, and even if Neku doesn't know what exactly that would do … that would explain why he didn't notice. "The fuck."

Joshua shrugs at him, like he didn't have other options. What a load of shit.

"So that did … what, exactly."

Joshua hums, thinking about it. "Likely it didn't do much you would notice," he admits, "seeing as you're not active in the UG. I've never heard of anyone else promoting a human, however, so I honestly have no idea." He sighs, then perks up. "The _important_ thing is that I no longer have to be careful not to erase you, as you're now the third strongest being in Shibuya. Bravo!"

Gee, thanks. Neku's so proud. -- wait, shit. "You mean _you could have erased me before?!_ "

He waves his hand. Details, details. "I didn't, did I?"

Holy fucking shit. "So that week, that whole week, you were my partner and you could have killed me -- **again** \-- _by accident_." Joshua smiles beatifically at him, and it just makes everything worse. "You fucking -- you fucking self-centered scumbag!"

Joshua shrugs. "That was a while ago, Neku, and as you're well aware, you survived the ordeal, so is it really still relevant?" He waves it off again. "You're here; I'm here; I did my best to make sure neither of us would have to worry about it, and maybe there were a few unforeseen side effects, but no harm, no foul, eh?"

Fucking hell. Neku slumps. "You should have told me," is all Neku says.

"I did."

" _Before_ you started messing with my life again."

Joshua snorts. "You wanted me to be friends with you, Neku," he says, injured. "I simply did my best to make it as safe as possible."

" _By making me a reaper!_ "

Joshua rolls his eyes again, throwing one hand up in surrender before leaning forward to embrace Hachiko and scritch him under the chin, and yeah that might be a statue but Neku can hear _something_ changing. "Neku," he says, and then again when he notices Neku's not listening. "You're still alive. You have no duties in the UG, and may act in the Realground as you please. You are very definitively not a reaper."

"Then what the hell am I?!" Normal people do not have to worry about getting assassinated into the UG; normal people do not get accosted by pissy Game Masters; Neku fell past normal a hell of a long time ago and it was Joshua's fault through and through. Fucking hell.

Joshua's quiet, maybe speechless or maybe just thinking up an appropriate lie. Hachiko feels like he's in a good mood, which makes one of them, but the crowd's giving them an even wider berth than usual. Sensing their own moods? It'd figure.

"Well?"

Joshua shakes himself out of it, and ah, so it was him who was broadcasting. "You're Neku," he says, like that explains anything. He thinks a bit longer, scratching his chin before resting his head on Hachiko's, then adds, "past that, I have no idea. This doesn't happen very often."

Neku deflates despite himself. There has to be something else he can say, but Joshua's not giving him enough fuel to work off of, and all Neku can manage is a tired, "You should have asked me first."

Joshua nods slightly, small enough that Neku'd've missed it if he wasn't paying attention. And quietly, regretfully: "Would you have agreed, if I had?"

"I --" He'd wanted to see Joshua again, to not leave him to stay alone and retreat back into himself, but … enough to let Joshua do something where not even Joshua himself knows what all the consequences might be?

"It's not just about my vibe," Joshua adds. "You're banned from _all_ Games. Your vibe as it is now is high enough to ensure that no conductor worth the name would erase you without at _least_ offering you a position as a reaper."

"…." There isn't anything he can say to that, either. He … he just wants to be left alone.

"I am sorry you are upset," Joshua says carefully, watching him, "but it did seem to be the best solution to a messy situation." He smiles sadly at Neku for a moment longer, and vanishes.

Neku buries his head in his hands and sits down on the bench, not even thinking to check if anyone else is there first. (Someone was, but they go _through_ him as he collapses in frustration and then leave. Neku only notices peripherally, the crusty icing on the shit cake of his hour, and the world feels a bit less real as he slides back down to the RG, solidity be damned.)

Fucking Joshua. Neku always knew there'd be a catch, but that didn't mean he wanted to _find_ it. It's better to know than not know, but he kept hoping there _wouldn't be anything to know at all_. Fucking hell.

And he'd been doing it for years, too. The hell does this bastard think he is? Neku'd trusted him, and look what he'd did: he'd gone right back to the same old shit. And maybe that's all of it, maybe he'd just figured that if he was in for a penny, he was in for a pound, and there's nothing else waiting to bite Neku in the ass, but you know what?

He could have told Neku _before_ it became an issue.

(And the old Joshua wouldn't have told him at all, would've just casted it all as Hanekoma's fault and Hanekoma'd've let him, but that's the weakest of weak defenses. Great, Joshua's been more honest than he needs to be. That makes _everything_ better.)

And Neku's phone buzzes, because of course it does. Of course Joshua ran away to text him while he licks his wounds. Neku checks it, because he _never learns_. ` Regardless of what you think of me, please talk to Mr Hanekoma about your vibe. Forewarned is forearmed.`

`NOW you say that.` No reply. Neku gives in and adds: `so mr h knew too huh`

`He taught me everything I know,` which might as well be a confession. Of course he did. Probably, Neku was the only one who _didn't_ know, and that includes that wall reaper who always asked him for food.

` Maybe thats the problem,` Neku sends, and he'll regret this later, but right now he doesn't care. `Of course a thief'd leave morals out of it.` How much of CAT's art is even CAT's? How can anyone trust him after that?

`I didn't want to hurt you,` Joshua says, but Neku's not sure how much what _Neku_ wants enters into his plans. ` Please see Mr H.`

Neku flips the phone shut and storms off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No chapter this Friday, either, but we'll be back on Monday as usual. :Db And hey, now _26k_ into the next fic.


	11. In Which Neku Beholds the Power of Friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck tendonitis, seriously.

He'd wanted to hang out with his friends properly, but he's in no mood after a conversation like that. Just lets them know he's doing okay and that he'll drop by the Bitous to get his stuff before heading back, and then he finds somewhere to chill for a while. Joshua's probably right about it being a good idea to talk to Mr Hanekoma, but he lies as much as Joshua and he isn't even up-front about it.

So instead he lazes around Towa Records, picking up a few albums that aren't being sold digitally for some reason and chatting with the clerk about their respective music tastes. As he's leaving, the graffiti by the door catches his eyes like it hasn't in years; why is a music store involved in the Game, anyway? Strange choice. He examines the reaper sigil out of idle curiosity, looking for a signature, then taps it experimentally.

The spraypaint shudders and flashes white -- red -- gold -- and then back to normal, leaving him with only the afterimage of a stylised snake skull. Megumi Kitaniji, Shibuya clarifies, though Neku couldn't forget that snake Noise if he'd tried. (And he did try, but some things you just don't get over.)

So … what, did Kitaniji add all the sigils, or only the ones for stores he was involving in the Game? Not like it matters; Kitaniji's dead -- erased, even -- and Joshua's been trying to leave Neku with an offer he can't refuse to take Kitaniji's old job. Oh, yeah, Neku could say no, and he could even probably make it stick, but Joshua's been stacking the deck as best he can the whole time.

The spot under Miyashita Park Underpass that Neku'll probably always think of as _Beat and Rhyme's_ , just as the Udagawa mural is Neku's, hasn't been marked in a long time (not since the Game, not since it'd no longer happened), but Neku still notes it each time. He probably shouldn't -- they're fine now -- but it still … resonates, he guesses. And there's Progfox again, considering if it wants to feed off any of the passersby.

`Don't even think about it,` Neku tries to say as he sits down on the bench, but it comes out … odd. Progfox just snorts and gives him a few meters of distance, nonchalant enough it could almost be its own idea. Much better than trying to fight it, if Neku even can; Neku just hopes no naive players try to handle it.

What is he even doing? This is pointless, and he honestly should probably just head back to the dorms. Talk to some of his classmates, find something interesting to do around there, do anything other than sit around Shibuya letting his brain pickle.

He's considering just leaving and screw seeing Hanekoma, when he hears a familiar, "Eh?" and reflexively ducks.

"Sine!" A piece of metal flies past Neku's head. "Cosine!" And another. Neku ducks again, expecting -- "TAAAAAANGENT!" -- as two connected street signs hit where he'd been a moment before.

Oh, for fuck's sake. "Don't you have anything better to do?!" Neku yelps, looking around for -- yep, there he is. Pi Face's got a different outfit than Neku's familiar with, and he doesn't seem to be 'all Tabooty'd up' anymore, but Neku _did_ steal his hat last time he saw him, so it only figures he'd've had to get a new one.

Pi Face sticks his tongue out at him. _Seriously?_ "Nothing more integral than taking care of this derivative, brat!"

Neku rubs at his temples. If there's one thing he knows about reapers …. "You … do know I'm not dead, right?"

Pi Face stares at him in confusion, which … yeah, Neku figured as much. Thanks, Joshua, for this as well as everything else. "What the factor are you talking about?" he says slowly, squinting at him, and Neku can actually see his (single, now) pair of wings flutter uncomfortably as Pi Face drops back down into the UG. "Your function's got _way_ too high of a coefficient to be out of bounds, yo."

"I'm alive," Neku states, turning his body just enough for: "See? No wings."

Pi Face's frown deepens; Neku's starting to feel a bit bad for him. "Weren't you the composer's partner?"

And why Joshua wouldn't have wiped that from Pi Face's memory with the rest of it's beyond him, but Neku nods. "Yeah, but I'm alive again." For however long that lasts, he adds darkly, but the reaper doesn't catch that.

At least Pi Face looks almost contrite now, though. "So why the fractal hell ain't you conductor?" he says, then scratches his head as his grin comes back. "Wait a secant, why ain't _I_ conductor, if the composer's boytoy's still breathing?"

This is _so_ not the conversation he wanted to have. "Must be your winning personality," he drawls as he gets up to walk to CAT Street.

Pi Face flips him off, but of course he doesn't let Neku leave in peace. "Kid!" he says as Neku strides past, though they look nearly the same age by now. "Sorry about trying to bump you to zero; you sounded like a bigwig who jumped the step function, and I, uh …."

"Wanted a promotion," Neku finishes, not giving even half a shit. It's just his life by now.

Pi Face beams. "When I'm composer," he states like it's a surety, "be my Megs, aight? I could use a chill guy like you."

And he's gone before that can sink in. Neku just stares at him in his own bafflement, and then keeps walking.

… Megs? _Really_?

Some things are better left unexplained, Neku decides, and moves on.

* * *

WildKat's closed again, which figures, but Neku tries the door anyway on a hunch and goes right through. No idea whether it's Neku or the door that's insubstantial, though, and Neku can't bring himself to care.

"Hey, Neku," Mr Hanekoma says tiredly as Neku ignores him and plops himself straight down on the couch. "Shop's closed today, you know. Put a sign up and everything."

"Josh told me to talk to you," he grumbles, and Hanekoma sighs.

"Kinda hoped we could put this off 'til tomorrow," he says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head, but he flashes Neku the _everything's going to be all right_ smile and Neku reflexively blocks an imprint. Wait, what? "I just got back from vacation, and you know, Hawaii has some _nice_ beans."

It was subtle, light enough that Neku wouldn't have noticed if Shibuya hadn't alerted him to it, but now that Neku knows to look for it, it's all over the shop: _all is well and all shall be well_ , and Hanekoma keeps projecting it himself. Only _Shibuya_ (or maybe Joshua) hadn't wanted Neku to allow himself to be calmed.

"Vacation?" Neku echoes, trying to keep his feelings from showing. "Josh said …."

"Josh says a lot of things," he replies airily. "Some of 'em are even true."

And that has Neku wincing. Joshua is a liar, it's true, but … _trust your partner_ , right? But what does that ever get Neku. "So … you aren't in trouble?" he says slowly, and Hanekoma shrugs.

"Nah, it's all good." He smiles, and Neku wants so much to trust it. "You're a good kid, Neku. You don't need to worry about an old man like me."

"Okay," he says, though it isn't. At least one of them is lying, and _both_ of them are manipulating him. Again. "So, um …."

Hanekoma hums encouragingly.

"I keep -- scanning people, since you two linked me to Shibuya, and I was wondering if …." Maybe asking this isn't the best idea.

He brightens: _oh, is that all?_ "Want me to block that for you?" he finishes. "I can probably lock Josh from reading you, too, if you want."

Wait, _what!?_ "You can?!" he blurts out. "I've been asking Josh about that for years -- _shit._ "

"Well," Hanekoma says neutrally. "Josh is a good kid, but …."

"He's been lying to me," Neku states, and Hanekoma just shrugs. " _Shit._ "

"Don't be too hard on him," Hanekoma chides. "It's true what I said before: he's been alone most of his life."

 _Alone_ is one thing. Socially incompetent and really bad at not being a jerkass is one thing. This? This is something else. "He'll be alone for the rest of it, too, at this rate," he growls, and Hanekoma sighs.

"I'll talk to him," he says. "And I'll have a pin for you by tomorrow; come back then. Anything else?"

… fuck, might as well. "Josh also wanted me to ask you to show me how to get in and out of the UG," he adds reluctantly, and even if it's not quite true, it's not like Mr H is going to know. And Neku sure as hell isn't going to talk to Joshua about it, not after this shit.

Hanekoma beams, and turns out to be a pretty good tutor. The trick's to focus more on the people he knows at the right frequency, and tune out everyone else, which is harder than it sounds, and Hanekoma warns him not to stay above the Realground for too long. Why the _Underground_ is _above_ the Realground is beyond Neku, but Mr H is consistent on that point, even if he neglects to explain any of it.

Neku's at least confident he won't walk through anyone by accident, and even if he's not sure he's going to want to talk to Joshua again after this shit (he can't believe -- no, he can believe it, and that's what makes it _worse_ ), at least he maybe can approach sometimes knowing what he's doing. Fuck.

When Hanekoma judges him competent and Neku feels about ready to go, Mr H sticks a bowl of pumpkin soup in front of him and explains, "I'm sticking this on Josh's tab," and damn if he doesn't gain a few points in Neku's estimation.

"He has a tab?" Neku says, then shakes his head: of course he does. "I'll take nine."

Mr H smirks and packs them up for him. It's nice to feel like he has an ally against Joshua's bullshit, and even if Hanekoma does his own bullshit and gives Joshua way too much leeway sometimes, it's really hard to stay mad at him.

But then he steps outside, and it's like a bucket of cold water as the faint hum of Joshua's attention snaps back and Neku's phone buzzes. `Everything all right?` Joshua texts, like he doesn't know already.

`Go fuck yourself with a cactus,` Neku replies, and sets his phone to silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given week 1 Neku and that Hanekoma canonically uses mind control to get people to like his art as a regular thing, please explain W1D2 Neku's immediate love and trust for Hanekoma. I'll wait.


	12. In Which Neku Has Social Skills

Beat had a long day at work, so Neku simply grabbed his stuff and left a few things of soup before heading back to campus, thankfully uneventfully. No reapers harassing him, no new messages from Joshua, everything normal or what could pass for it if Neku squints. Neku even manages to sleep okay, a minor miracle given everything else, and when he checks his phone in the morning ….

A text from Hanekoma letting him know the pin's done, and a message from Kariya. Fucking reapers, Neku thinks, but he clicks it open anyway. `Composer asked about you. Forwarded them your candy wrapper. Thought you should know.` … Oooor maybe he has some good points. Good to see _some_ reapers being decent, at least.

WildKat's closed again, which he expected, and _locked_ , which he didn't. He tries the knob again anyway, just in case, but it's shut tight. Even when he tries to hum it open, and he'd've _thought_ Shibuya'd be able to get it, but either he's not good enough at it or Shibuya knows the composer's pissed at him.

Probably both.

Neku punches the door and storms off, and is only a little surprised when his phone buzzes. `I believe he's out on a walk,` Joshua informs him, not like Neku _asked_ but at least he doesn't have to see Joshua's lying face as he butts his head in.

` Stop checking on me,` Neku types back, scowling.

`I was keeping track of Mr H, actually,` Joshua replies, and that isn't any better. Like it's Joshua's business what Hanekoma spends his time doing? 

Joshua doesn't reply to that, though, and Neku can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. `Do you know where he is?` he types instead.

`I'll tell him you're looking for him,` and that isn't an answer but Neku can tell he _is_ trying to help. Sort of. It isn't any of Joshua's _business_ , but he probably meant well.

But he sure as hell doesn't need any additional encouragement. `Okay. Do that,` he types, and goes to get a snack.

* * *

Nothing ever turns out as simply as planned, but this is at least a welcome complication: "Neku!" Shiki calls, and he brightens.

"Hi, Shiki!" he replies, waving, and he's automatically moving to help her with her bags ( _sooooo_ much fabric) when he notices Eri's already got it. "Hey, Eri," he adds a bit awkwardly.

"I thought you were going away for school?" Eri says, looking him over, and she isn't exactly disappointed. (She's not _not_ disappointed, though, and it'd be a hell of a lot easier to pretend he didn't notice if he didn't hear the echoes of it. At least Mr H can help with that.)

"Just across town," he explains. "I don't want to worry about taking my art supplies on the train all the time, you know?" It's an easy lie and Shiki doesn't call him on it; Eri nods knowingly.

"Yeah, that stuff can be pretty bulky. So what're you doing in this part of town?"

… Neku hadn't thought that far. He looks to Shiki for help, rolling his eyes dramatically enough she'll hopefully get it, and she shakes her head slightly. "Hey, Neku," she cuts in, "do you have time to help us pick out fabric?"

Eri glances at Shiki for a moment, then looks back to Neku. "Yeah, you've got pretty good taste; want to come help us out?"

Okay, now she _has_ to be bullshitting him; she probably just wants to mock his clothes. No way does she _actually_ think his taste is good. "Nah," he says, apologetic, "I need to be somewhere in a bit."

Shiki sighs; Eri raises her eyebrows at him. What? It's _true_. "If you say so," Shiki says, and shit, he didn't mean to offend her. Eri, maybe, but not Shiki.

"Maybe next week?" he suggests, hating himself for it. If he can just --

"That sounds great!" Eri says, beaming. Shit.

Shiki smiles at them both. "Well, we've all got places to be," she says, "so I guess we'll see you then?"

"Sounds good," Neku says, and he tries to force the cheer out. Shiki deserves to know people get excited to see her; it's never going to lose the appeal. She brightens, and he watches the two of them go before continuing on his way.

His phone buzzes, and for once it _isn't_ Joshua or a reaper pulling something. ` you know, u could be nicer to her,` Shiki sends.

`Sorry,` he types back, but he can't really regret it. Eri's hurt Shiki even more than he has; somebody needs to keep an eye on her to make sure it doesn't happen again, and it might as well be him.

`im not the one who needs the apology,` Shiki says, and maybe she's right. She probably _is_ right.

` Ill apologise next time i see her, ok?`

`ok but youd better actually do it this time`

Great. Now he feels like a total jerk. Ugh.

It is too early in the morning for this shit.

* * *

Sunshine ice cream hardly counts as breakfast, but it's sure helping him feel better, and by the time Neku's back out of the stationside store, Mr H is rudely sprawled over the bench near Hachiko, legs far enough apart to keep anyone else from using it and two boxes taking up the rest of the space. Neku glares at him with a city child's consternation -- you just don't _do_ that -- but Mr H just beams at him innocently and holds up a bag of pins.

"Heyyyy, Neku," he chirps as Neku walks to him.

Neku, in lieu of responding, just shoves the boxes over to get Hanekoma to move, and sits down once he's given in and set the boxes near his feet. "Hi, Mr H."

"Took me a bit to decide how to do it," he admits, "'cause half of the easier ways'd probably hurt you, but I _think_ I got it." He pulls out a pin and offers it to Neku. "What do you think?"

Neku takes it and with a glance, the ground drops out under him. It's the Red Skull pins all over again; he'd thought they were CAT's and maybe they actually were; but no, this one's a skeletal paw over a red field. Maybe it's not the same. It's probably fine; it's got to be fine. "… What's it do?" he manages.

"Sets up a layer of interference between you and them," he says promptly. "Same basic idea as the Player Pins, only it scrambles 'em at a higher level than the composer can manage. Pretty great, huh?"

"… Huh," is all Neku can say. It's … exactly what Neku asked Joshua for, actually, and the discovery that it was possible after all _burns_. He sighs, and against the little bit of him panicking, puts it on his collar. Those were _Kitaniji's_ pins; Mr H is … safe.

"Well?" Mr H says, expectantly.

Neku thinks about it, picks a passerby and vaguely wonders about what she's doing with her day. No response. "It's definitely a lot quieter," he decides, and Hanekoma brightens.

"Good sign, good sign." He puts an arm around Neku's shoulders conspiratorially. "And how about we go test the other thing too, eh?"

Getting the jump on Joshua in his own place sounds _great_. "Fuck yes."

Hanekoma's grin widens like the Cheshire cat.

* * *

Mr H leaves Neku to go it alone once they reach the first one of Pi Face's sculptures, which Neku is fine with. "I gotta take some pictures of these," Mr H claimed, though, which … why? Posterity? To mock him? _Please_ may it not be because he actually _likes_ them, but this is one of those questions Neku doesn't actually want to ask.

He might get an answer, after all, and his pride probably can't handle learning that CAT enjoys the Grim Heaper's compulsive piling up of junk. It just can't.

The wall/Noise barrier -- and it's a dog skull now, probably has been for a while, only it just didn't occur to Neku to _pay attention_ \-- lets him through without him even needing to nudge it, and the Dead God's Pad is bright and loud and filled with reapers pointing guns at him.

Shit.


	13. In Which Neku is Sick to Death of Caterwauling

Neku can't make out who they are like this, their voices overlaying each other and the fog from the pin keeping him from recognising each of them, but he _can_ tell that this is most of the reapers in Shibuya and they are not very happy.

"Who the fuck are you?" a few of them blurt out, loud enough to be heard over the rest, but the rat Noise sitting at the bar waves an arm and everyone else sits down and shuts up.

Neku's half-expecting to have to fight his way out, and the rat may be lazy but no one's ever heard of a rat that'd let someone take the nest without a fight, but the rat stares at him for a moment, twitches its ears, and fizzes back out into …

… Lollipop. "Kid," he says, like he has to dig out each word, "you picked a bad time."

"Guess so," Neku agrees, and it's strange how most of the reapers don't seem to have any idea who he is. He _knows_ these people, at least a little, and 777's staring at him like Neku makes his head hurt. So that must be BJ and Tenho sharing the couch with him, and they don't have their guns drawn anymore, but they still look tense. Scared, even.

The only one who _doesn't_ seem scared is Pi Face, and even _he_ looks baffled as all hells. He's staring at Neku like he has no idea who he is, but either way this is the best thing that's happened all day.

… Pinky isn't here. That seems odd.

Lollipop stares at him, more expressionless than Neku'd ever seen, then nods faintly. "Hey, boss," he calls to the jukebox. "We got a live one. Should I send him through?"

"Certainly," the jukebox replies, and the voice might not be familiar (it sounds like a bit like a vocaloid, actually) but the _tone_ sure is. "Apologies for the lack of warning," they -- Joshua, probably -- add insincerely. "I was a bit preoccupied."

Lollipop scowls over the top of his glasses at the jukebox, meeting Neku's gaze: _can you believe this guy?_ Neku snorts -- at least he's not the only one who knows the composer's full of shit -- and snorts louder when Lollipop's glasses slide off his nose. Lollipop glares at him as he pushes his glasses back up, but Neku just smirks. Haha, loser.

The portal opens as the door to a side room; Lollipop points to it without looking, but Neku's already going for it. The hallway with the CAT mural seems shorter than before, somehow, and soon enough he's back in Joshua's throne room.

"Will you _ever_ knock first, Sanae?" the composer drawls, voice reverberating through Neku's bones. "I _am_ rather busy today, you know."

"Umm," Neku says intelligently. _Sanae?_

"Cat got your tongue?" the composer adds, chuckling. Neku hadn't actually seen the composer before, both taller and more androgynous than Joshua himself, and seeing him he could almost see why Kitaniji looked up to him so. All the power of Shibuya itself concentrated in one person, and what does it matter if the person in question is a bratty jerk? They're impressive all the same.

Neku clears his throat. "Um, Josh? This is Neku."

The composer stares, long and hard, then tilts his head and statics out and back into Joshua. Joshua keeps looking at Neku, not quite comprehending, then shakes it off. "Neku?" he repeats, as baffled as the other reapers. "Sanae, if this is some kind of joke --"

A familiar self-deprecating laugh as Hanekoma fades in, and Joshua stiffens. "Figured I'd try something new, boss," Mr H says, glancing between them as he sips his coffee, and Neku suspects he might have made a mistake.

"What did you do to Neku?" Joshua growls, and Neku gets between them half on instinct. If it came to a fight, he knows who he'd side with, but Shibuya feels like it's trying to knock him flat on his ass.

"I'm right here, you know," Neku tells an uncaring audience. His head's killing him.

"Helped him out a bit," Hanekoma says, flashing Neku a brief smile. _Everything will be all right,_ and Neku relaxes just from that. "He wanted you out of his head, boss."

"So you inserted yourself in his?!" Joshua snarls, shifting to his canine form and leaping at Hanekoma's throat in one smooth motion, and they're at it. Neku doesn't know which one shoved him out of the way first, but Hanekoma -- or the sibling cats that took his place -- get first blood and second, and Neku's head's clearer than it's been all day. Joshua has speed on his side, but Hanekoma has numbers, and Neku doesn't know which way to jump, if anywhere.

They stop as abruptly as they started, Hanekoma wiping blood off his chin as he fades back to human and the fog returns in Neku's head, but Joshua yips an energy blast and Neku's new pin melts.

They're _loud_ , louder than they'd been before Neku tried the pin, but Joshua looks so relieved that Neku has to smile at him, lying bastard be damned.

Wait, shit, no, he's still mad. "What the hell was that?" Neku screeches, and both Joshua and Hanekoma jump in maybe-shame as they mutually agree it didn't happen. Good for them, maybe, but _Neku_ sure isn't ignoring it.

They both open their mouths to reply, then stop. Start again. Nearly talk over each other. Neku gestures to Mr H as tie-breaker.

"I was filtering your Music," Hanekoma says easily, "but it looks like the boss-man took offense." Joshua crosses his arms, unimpressed and unashamed, and Neku could almost not notice the faint splotch bleeding through his shirt.

"And you?" Neku growls, sure Joshua's excuse is going to be just as bullshit as ever.

He curls his lip up at Hanekoma, then looks at Neku straight-on. "Were you aware that to _filter_ you, Sanae here would need to insert himself in your mind?" Joshua drawls, patting at his side. Neku watches the bloodstain fade as if it'd never been, not quite comprehending. Joshua sighs. "Neku. Think of Shiki."

… What _about_ Shiki? She's doing fine, last Neku heard, and she's marketing a whole line of -- "You cheating plagiarising bastard," Neku says with feeling, whirling around to glare at Hanekoma. "You _messed with my mind?!_ "

Hanekoma shrugs. "Never bothered you before," he says lightly. "And you _did_ want the kid out of your head."

Neku splutters. That is so far beside the point that -- and _both_ of them send him an _it'll be fine_ imprint. Like hell it will! _Joshua's_ is at least clearly Joshua doing it, though; he wouldn't have noticed it from Hanekoma if he hadn't been thinking about it, and _hell_.

Joshua averts his eyes and tosses him an apologetic _just trying to help_ , while Hanekoma doesn't even have the decency to acknowledge it. Just watching him as kindly as ever, and isn't it strange how he's always seemed so profoundly trustworthy ….

Joshua's phone buzzes, and Neku's going to have to think about that later. "We've got two minutes," Joshua states, and Hanekoma nods slightly and vanishes. _For what?_ Neku starts to ask, but Joshua cuts him off: "It's Day Seven, and Yashiro just passed the last pair. I can return you to the surface, or --"

\-- or Neku can see how Games _usually_ end, and Joshua looks tired. Neku takes a deep breath, uncomfortably aware that no one else here needs to, and nods. "Can I watch?" he says, not sure what he's looking for, and Joshua slowly brightens.

Literally, too, as he slips into his composer form, and Joshua really is supernaturally beautiful like that. Neku loses a moment staring, and Joshua's phone beeps again. One minute.

"On My right," Joshua murmurs, and the capitals insert themselves. Joshua sprawls across the throne, regally amused, and Neku obediently stands to his side, cold and alert. A practice run in case he loses his mind and agrees to be Joshua's conductor, he figures, and the prospect's less terrifying than it should be.

He should try not to fidget. "They won't see you anyway," Joshua mutters. "They'll be too terrified of me," and he's neither enjoying it nor derisive. Just aware of the facts.

Aaaand time, Neku knows a moment early, as the entrance _cracks_ and two wispy Players limp in, battered but not broken. Joshua flashes him an accompanying image of Yashiro -- Pinky, apparently -- collapsing at the bar in the lounge; apparently tasking the Players to erase the Game Master's up to the GM's discretion, and she's learned at least a _little_ restraint.

Good for her, Neku thinks, and Joshua agrees with pride.

"We beat your stupid Game," says the taller in the pair, almost dragging her partner, and they look so fragile and pathetic from this end. Are they always like this?

"I want to go _home_ ," the other one says, and oh god he is _way_ too young to be here.

"That depends on you," Joshua intones, and Neku kind of wants to strangle him even though he knows it's an act. (It _is_ an act, right?) "What makes you think My Shibuya is a better place with you in it?"

And they wince, but they don't run. Not like they might have a week ago. Neku listens more to Joshua than to them, as Joshua pushes them to put what they know into words. That they can rely on other people, but they can look after themselves, too.

It's not unlike what he'd done the second week, Neku realises, Joshua casting himself as the villain so Neku would have to develop his position, and it's not kind but it isn't quite cruel, either. Just harsh the way the Underground always is.

`Do you think I should make them write essays instead?` Joshua quips, and Neku coughs to cover a snort. The Players jump, but true to Joshua's word, they don't seem to quite realise Neku's there.

Eventually Joshua nods slightly. "Very good," he says, smiling slightly. "You pass." Neku lets out the breath he didn't realise he was holding. "Now, to return your entry fees …." Joshua snaps his fingers and Neku _knows_ that facial expression: getting memories returned or whatever Joshua's doing _hurts_.

"And our lives?" the short one says bravely.

Joshua chuckles; Neku punches him, but _ow fucking shit is he made out of rock?!_ Joshua flicks him in the arm as revenge: ` Do try not to make me look bad in front of the children, dear.`

Fine, whatever, asshole.

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather become a reaper?" Joshua says, curious, and Neku really wants to hit him again. _He would deserve it._ The Players think it's even less funny than Neku does, and Joshua sighs. "Very well, then, two resurrections coming right up …."

Joshua snaps his fingers, and they're gone.

"… is that it?" Neku says after a moment, but Joshua's not listening. Too busy adjusting people's memories to account for the missing -- week and a half, Shibuya fills in; the Game didn't start until they were in limbo for a few days. Neku shuts up and and starts to move, meaning to leave him to it, but Joshua's hand jerks out and catches the hem of Neku's shirt.

`Stay,` Joshua sends absently, too preoccupied to work out how talking works, and Neku instead just sits down where he is. Joshua radiates gratified amusement in response, and it's sort of nice. Horribly awkward, but nice.

Eventually Joshua sighs and relaxes, and Neku glances up at him. Joshua looks exhausted, eyes half-lidded and wings slumped, and Neku's surprised enough to even _see_ the latter that he reaches his hand out and --

\-- Joshua jumps, suddenly alert, and Neku yelps. Not injured, just startled, but there's teeth marks on his hand and a bit of soot.

"Don't," Joshua manages, gulping, " _ever_ surprise a reaper like that, Neku."

"Sorry," Neku says, quiet. Joshua stares down at him, a bit predatory, then sighs, point made.

"You can touch them if you'd like," he concedes, and Neku brightens. Neku's seen plenty of reapers, but Joshua's are _different_ , smaller and with white feathers, and he's only seen them the once. Neku lightly but firmly touches one (he doesn't want it to tickle) and --

\-- rewriting things for the victors is always so tedious; _must_ they always rush the funerals? At least this pair was presumed missing, but honestly now, it's not like the Game is _new_ and Sanae could not possibly have picked worse timing if he'd tried. What is he thinking; of _course_ Sanae did it on purpose, but that's just plain _rude_ \--

\-- Neku lifts his hand up. What the hell ….

"It's not everything," Joshua explains quickly, not looking at Neku. "There's usually a bit of a delay, to keep either person from falling into a feedback loop, but -- yes."

He's blushing. Neku can't even see his face and Neku _still_ knows he's blushing. All this mess and Joshua's still blushing like a teenager worried that they're going to ruin it with their first crush.

Which … he might as well be, Neku realises, technical age aside. Joshua hasn't exactly had a _normal_ life, and maybe if he asks …. "How old were you when you became the composer?"

"Fifteen," Joshua replies without a trace of shame. "I cheated."

And _Neku_ remembers being fifteen: he was an _idiot_. Neku lowers his hand again: this won't be kind, but it's no worse than Joshua's done. Brushing against the feathers, he feels/remembers settling in at WildKat, standard-issue matchbox revolver in hand, waiting for the then-composer to come in for a chat. It's _so_ hard to notice anything Sanae's trying to hide; he and his are either _safe_ or _threat_ with nothing in between.

He _did_ say he cheated, Neku, there's no need to be like that. Neku clears the block in his throat and asks: "Did you mess with my head?"

Joshua flinches, but he flinches _up_ and into Neku's hand, holding himself there as Neku tries to back away.

Yes, Joshua answers, and he's terrified but knew it was coming, even kind of wanted it out in the open, and he tosses the examples to Neku before Neku can recoil. Neku considers them, expecting the worst, but … it's mostly just clearing his head when he wanted to keep calm, pushing down doubts when Joshua knew the anxiety'd be useless. And scanning him. Lots of scanning him when Neku wouldn't have wanted him to, but nothing _Joshua'd_ consider invasive, and even by Neku's standards …

… he still hasn't been that bad. Not as good as he'd hoped, and they're probably going to have another fight over it, but better than even his most optimistic expectations. `I didn't know what you wanted from me,` Joshua says quietly, and Neku lets go.

Deep breath, Neku. He's completely aware of Joshua leaving his reaction to himself, and it doesn't help. Not after a week of never quite being alone in his head, and then whatever -- Hanekoma had done. (Neku pushes down the familiar address; he's not Neku's friend. Not really.)

Neku smiles at him, a bit weakly, but Joshua isn't even paying attention. Too sure he knows everything and that Neku's still pissed, maybe past where he can fix. (For a clairvoyant, Joshua can be really obtuse.)

So Neku just sighs and pats his wing, trying to tune out whatever he hears of Joshua, and says, "It's okay."

Joshua looks at him like he's stupid, which is pretty unfair. "You … are aware I've been plotting around you for years, are you not, " he says flatly.

"Yeah, I got that," Neku says, but as far as he can tell, Joshua was pretty much just trying to scheme their friendship. Which … is patently ridiculous, and an excellent example of _what the hell, Josh_ , but something that Neku can live with. Even the conductor thing … Neku suspects he might just be lonely. This guy. "I'm not going to forgive you if you kill me again, though."

Joshua leans into the touch, mollified. "Well, then," he says, deceptively light, "so long as we're clear."

"And I'm still mad about that," Neku adds, but Joshua just barks a laugh. Of course he is; Joshua hardly expected otherwise. 

Something occurs to Joshua and he pulls away, not willing to trust this to Neku's shields. "Is it only _my_ murder attempts you're upset over, or all of them?"

… the fuck. "All of them," Neku states, glowering. Did that really need to be asked? "But especially the _successful_ ones."

"Oh, you're not dead _now_ ," Joshua snaps without heat. "No, I meant -- are you, for example, still mad at Mr Hanekoma?"

Oh, just say 'Sanae' already; Neku knows he wants to. But Joshua's looking at him intently. "… Mr H hasn't tried to kill me," Neku says experimentally. 

Joshua bursts out laughing. "Neku," he manages, "Sanae's tried to kill you _today_ , much less all those times in the Game!"

**_The fuck?!_ **

"That pin? That pin made you sound like him when he _isn't_ being unsuspicious, so the reapers would see you as a threat to our UG," he explains, still laughing uproariously. Gee, at least the concept of Neku dying is funny to _someone_.

Joshua sobers. "And then I would have to decide whether I wished to resurrect you, on a day I'm already exhausted."

Neku frowns. "You would, wouldn't you?"

Joshua looks away.

" _Joshua_ …." This is something important, and he needs to know. 

"I don't know," Joshua admits, wings carefully drooping within Neku's reach, though Neku doesn't take the bait. "I would like to think so, but I can't say. If I thought I could win your trust back again …." He trails off. 

… well, Neku appreciates the honesty, even if the answer sucks. "You couldn't," he states, though even he isn't sure. Isolation can do a lot to a person.

Joshua chuckles mirthlessly. "Better for us both that I not have the temptation, hmm?"

Neku sure can agree with that. "… and during the Game?" he asks warily. He _so_ doesn't want to hear this, but the not-knowing is worse.

Joshua looks thoughtful. "I think it's better if you hear about that from him, don't you agree?"

Actually, Neku thinks it's better if he hears about it _at all_ , but Joshua smirks and adds, "Give me a week to prepare, and I'll drag it out of him if I have to. Just, Neku …."

He trails off. "Yeah?" Neku prods.

"Don't think _too_ ill of him; he always does what he thinks is for the best," Joshua says, and he might even believe it. "Only … sometimes he thinks what's best for himself and what's best for Shibuya are the same thing, hm?"

Neku can't decide if Joshua's one to talk or if it takes one to know one, but either way, that's kind of a bad sign. "I'll … take that under advisement," he settles on, and at least Joshua accepts that.

"Very well," he says. "Now hurry off before half my reapers spam my phone protesting your erasure," and Joshua snaps his fingers and deposits Neku above one of the couches in the lounge.

Literally _above_ the couch, that fucking asshole, and Neku lands directly on top of a foul-smelling lump. Groooooooss.

" _Who the fuck is line on me?!_ " Pi Face roars, and oh god, this is closer to Pi Face than Neku has ever wanted to be. Ew, ew, ew, ewwwwww.

Neku scrambles off him, and oh god he's _not even wearing a shirt_ , and he was wrong: the Grim Heaper isn't tattooed. That's just grease. Does he even _bathe?!_

"Cat puns, Minamimoto?" one of the reapers drawls. "What depths are you falling to meow?"

Neku stifles a laugh, and he's not the only one. "I said _line_ , not _lion_!" Pi Face squawks. "Can't you people differentiate these things?!"

"It ain't our faults you suck, kitty!" Pinky crows, to general agreement. Oh, reapers.

Neku almost thinks he could get out without them paying an iota of attention to him, but then Pi Face and 777 clap their arms around his shoulders and he's trapped. He's trapped and he's going to die from Pi Face's stench.

"It's Phones!" they proclaim in unison, though 777 winces at the indignity of _agreeing_ with _Pi Face_. "Hey, everybody, say hi to Phones!"

The reapers variously manage the least sincere claps and cheers Neku's ever heard, which is less disturbing than the alternative. This is worse than going _shopping_. Lollipop flashes him a victory sign. "… Hi," Neku says, since they seem to be waiting for something. "I'm still not dead?"

Another round of cheers and clapping, slightly more sincere this time. "Congratulations," Pinky says drily. "Now get the fuck out."

Neku concurs wholeheartedly, and does.


	14. In Which Joshua Remembers the Practical Concerns

Joshua suspects that wasn't entirely necessary, but at this moment, he can't quite bring himself to care. At least Neku seems to be handling himself well with the reapers; they like him, even if most of them'd shoot him the moment it became beneficial. Hopefully he understands that.

What a day. Ending games wasn't his favorite thing even when he only needed to do the clean-up; Sanae pulling that today really is tacky beyond all measure. It doesn't surprise him, exactly, but he is disappointed.

He shoots off a quick text to Kariya while keeping an eye on things, ready to intervene. `Get me a viper drink and a cappuccino, please.`

`Sure thing, boss,` he replies, and Joshua's not sure if he's pleased or disappointed that Kariya won't argue with him about it. Certainly it's more convenient this way, and at least Kariya rolls his eyes when repeating his order to the reaper tending the bar, a shared _why is our boss so lazy_.

Megumi was a very strange man, but not a bad one. By any standard, Joshua should have been _thrilled_ to have a right-hand man who seemed incapable of resentment, insubordination, or even boredom. Much more useful than Kariya spitefully pausing to dump more sugar than can dissolve in his cappuccino before setting the tray in the dumbwaiter where Joshua can grab it.

He wasn't.

Joshua doesn't even like his coffee sweetened, and _still_ Kariya is a more interesting assistant. Kariya for the menial and administrative work; Yashiro for the hands-on; and Joshua himself for anything hard to delegate. More hands-on than any other city composer Joshua knows of would tolerate, but surprisingly effective.

Sanae, Joshua has always known, is not much for surprises.

Neku makes his way out of reaper headquarters without incident and furiously dials into his phone. Joshua picks up right before it'd go to voice mail (not that he _has_ voice mail) and --

" _What the fucking fuck was that for!?_ " Neku yells, and Neku'd probably throw the phone at the wall if that wasn't too horrifying for either of them to contemplate.

Joshua tries and fails to stifle his giggles by drinking coffee. Totally worth it. Neku flips him off, and honestly, you'd think Neku'd appreciate that Joshua can get all these important details over the phone.

"Oh, you know," Joshua says vaguely. "I thought maybe you and the reapers could use a bonding moment."

"Joshuaaa--!" he wails, but seriously now, that was hilarious.

"You know," Joshua continues, "you should probably be grateful that you even _get_ cell service down here." Courtesy of yours truly, of course.

Neku screeches, and it's probably a good thing the sewers and the lounge aren't physically near each other, because wouldn't that be embarrassing? (Joshua locks the door just in case; better not risk it.) Eventually he works off most of his frustrations, and says in a much more reasonable volume, "Joshua, now my clothes are gross from whatever Pi Face --"

"-- Minamimoto --" he can't keep himself from correcting; the man thinks highly enough of Neku that Neku should learn his name.

"Fuck you, you know who I meant! -- from what he rolled in and I can't go home to shower and all of my _clothes_ are on campus and --" Neku pauses to breathe, and Joshua cuts in. Shit.

"Shh, shh," he soothes, "I can fix it."

"Of course you can," Neku replies tiredly, "but that's the thing, Joshua, you never think of what everyone _else_ has to go through."

Joshua's quiet for a moment. "… sorry," he says, meaning it. He hasn't had to worry about these things for years, and even the reapers who still can get dirty don't need to worry about _doing laundry_ ; living people have it so _complicated_ and he doesn't see how Neku can stand to deal with it. Not when he has the option not to. "I can teach you how to clean your clothes," he starts, but Neku cuts him off.

"That's great, but that's not the point," Neku says flatly, taking a deep breath. "I know you like pranks and being a total jerk, but you seriously need to remember that I? _I am not a reaper!_ "

 _I could fix that,_ Joshua really really wants to quip, but wisely keeps his mouth shut. So not the time for it.

"I'm not as sturdy as you!" Neku continues. "I actually have to live in this world, and a lot of this shit? This shit is not nearly as funny to me. I can actually _get injured_ falling a few feet, Joshua; you need to keep this shit in mind."

"Sorry," Joshua says again, cowed. Neku is _Neku_ and he can't imagine anything mundane like that happening to him, but … he might be right, and either way he _thinks_ that he's right.

"You'd better be," Neku mutters darkly, hunching up and leaning against the wall for a moment before realising that now he has sewer sludge on him in addition to whatever else and gagging exaggeratedly.

Joshua has to mute the phone for a few seconds to keep from laughing at him. Ah, yes, the _what the hell did I just touch_ dance. 9/10; Neku's a natural.

He unmutes it and clears his throat. "Neku," he says quietly, "you're my only friend other than Sanae, and Sanae …."

"… is an even bigger asshole than you are," Neku finishes, even if that's not quite how he'd put it. It's true enough. "Right. So you're bad at this."

"You could say that."

Neku rolls his eyes and snorts. Joshua can't blame him. "Right. Okay. You're sorry; you're not going to do it again; you're going to try harder to remember what I can't do. Are we clear?" Joshua hums an affirmative. "Great. Now get me to your shower _without_ me having to pass all your reapers smelling like a garbage heap." 

"Aye aye, captain!" Joshua says, saluting even though Neku can't see it. It'd probably be best to rehook the doorway to the bathroom and shower instead of just teleporting him, wouldn't it …. "One moment," he says, sticking on some restful music for Neku's benefit.

Neku flips him off and mutes the phone. Joshua rebroadcasts it to the sewer itself. Neku sticks on his headphones. Joshua has his media player play it, too, then redirects his attention to the bathroom. Ah. Of course.

`You may want to find somewhere more private for this,` he informs 777, whose hands are currently gently caressing BJ's ass, and is gratified when they hit their heads on a towel rack as they go. What a wanton disregard of public property, and honestly now, they could have at _least_ informed their other band member first. Kids these days.

He throws on a few finishing touches and stops the music. It's only on its second repeat; not bad for herding reapers. "Done," he chirps. "The door'll take you straight there."

"You're lucky I like that band," Neku snarls, and Joshua laughs.

* * *

Joshua doesn't _quite_ twiddle his thumbs while waiting for Neku to clean up, but it's a near thing. Too tired to work on any of his smaller projects; not enough time to properly follow up on his larger ones. Another way Sanae's probably right that he should settle on someone else: it's not done, for a composer to have to mould their schedule around their conductor, and Joshua's painfully aware he can't push Neku without breaking what makes him _useful_.

He attaches his bedroom to the bathroom, just in case, and relocates himself so he can bury his head under his pillows. Not the wisest decision he's ever made -- a clever reaper _might_ be able to sneak in looking for a promotion, though it's rather unlikely -- but he's hardly ever restored a victor without needing to rest, and without a conductor to lean on ….

Back in the lounge, Yashiro kicks the bathroom door. "Hey, assholes!" she yells. "Some of us actually _use_ that thing!"

Ah, soundproofing. One of his better ideas, if he does say so himself. `I sent those miscreants home, actually,` he texts her, and she pales before she's even checked it. Perhaps he's becoming predictable.

"Sir?" she stage-whispers, apparently unaware of how much attention he pays _within his own home_. "I didn't mean --" she starts, then makes a face. "Wait, does this mean You --"

He glances at the rest of the thought. `If you intend to question the extent of My bodily functions, I suggest you desist.`

She flails her arms and backs up, though she isn't sure where to back up _to_. Clairvoyance sure is convenient that way. "Sorry, Sir --" she manages, but then the inevitable happens:

" _Reaper sport number seventeen!_ " Minamimoto yells, and it isn't truly charades until you try to hit someone with a couch.

He's _so_ glad he planned for the bathroom door breaking down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double-update today, because I feel like it!


	15. In Which Neku Cleans Up Nicely

Neku's a little surprised how _quiet_ the shower manages to be, even with a roomful of reapers right outside, but it's not like Joshua needs to make everything make sense, especially not in his own place. Much quieter than the ones in his dorm building, certainly. It's peaceful, but a bit eerie, too.

The fish don't help. The fish definitely _do not_ help, and though there's no monster from hell staring at him today, he still knows there _could_ be.

And Neku wouldn't do this to anyone with an actual _water bill_ , but he basks in the hot water long past when he feels clean again, until he hears a knock on a door he hadn't noticed. Neku jumps -- oh god he does _not_ want to be caught naked by a reaper -- but it's only Joshua, and he waits for Neku to acknowledge him before poking his head in.

"Neku?" he calls. "Do you want to get your clothes, or shall I?"

… what the _hell_? "I, uh …." Joshua waits patiently. "Can you lend me something, and then you show me what you do?"

"Of course," he says, ducking back out, and he actually bothers to set some clothing down by hand. Weird.

Neku finishes up and dries off, then looks at whatever Josh brought him with trepidation. But it's just a set of Jupiter of the Monkey sportswear, not quite what Neku usually wears but close enough that anyone who knows him'd just assume he expanded his wardrobe. The right size, of course: it's creepy, but clairvoyance must be good for _something_.

` They're for you. Keep it. -C` reads a note in the jersey, and it's very nearly considerate.

Neku dresses and goes to open the door, but the one he took in leads to a concrete wall. Well then.

The other one, subtle enough Neku suspects it might have just plain not been there before, leads … to Joshua's bedroom, it looks like, and Neku glowers without going in.

"You know, Josh," he drawls, glancing at the blanket lump that's probably the composer in all his glory, "whatever you're doing right now just makes you more suspicious."

Joshua pulls himself up and watches him blearily. "It's been a long day," is all he says.

"So, what, _now_ you're trying to be polite?"

Joshua looks away. "You wanted me to keep your limitations in mind," he sulks, and _there's_ the passive-aggressive shit Neku knows and … is grudgingly fond of.

"Yeah," Neku says, "but you don't need to do things the slow way if you don't want to. Just don't be an ass about it." Honestly, now. "Now what did you want to show me?"

Joshua drags himself off the bed reluctantly, though he does cheer up. "It's nothing complex," he assures him, walking over for a clear view, though Neku supposes he doesn't really need it. "May I?" he says, tapping Neku's forehead.

Neku nods jerkily, half-expecting he'll regret it. Joshua in his mind feels nothing like Hanekoma did, or like touching Joshua's wings did. (Joshua shivers at that, not entirely pleasantly, but he sends reassurance the moment Neku has third thoughts. No harm was done, more or less, and he _did_ expect it.) Those both felt natural, not even notable, while Joshua sidles in like a retriever wanting to fetch, large and loud and yet you're never sure when or how it got there. 

Joshua does the mental equivalent of ruffling Neku's hair, which is at least more tolerable than the real version. ( _This is real,_ Josh corrects, and maybe he's right.) ` Inform me if it's too much,` he murmurs, and Neku nods shakily. At least he _can_ nod shakily; it's hard to care about the difference between intent and motion with Joshua right there. 

Joshua leads Neku into what he can only describe a stretch, though it's with intuition and _Music, Neku: you might as well call it what it is_ rather than muscles.

` You stretch while drawing, don't you?` Joshua says, bored but not exactly patronizing. `Think like that; it's creativity either way.`

"Mr H is a nicer teacher," Neku bites, and Joshua laughs. 

`He should be; he's had more students than I.` _How many,_ Neku starts to wonder, but Joshua gives him the answer: two, Megumi and now Neku.

Joshua walks Neku through the first set, then leaves it for Neku to try. It's not _cleaning_ , exactly; it's more … resetting them to how they were when they were made.

`Or altered,` he corrects. `Anything you tailor yourself will be easier to fix. The less the people involved in the process cared what they were doing, or the more intentional the damage, the harder it is to repair.`

"So, what, a crappy first attempt at sewing?"

"Will have been made with love, and care, and the maker will have learned from the process," he agrees, and it's strange how quiet he is while actually _speaking._ "We work off creativity and inspiration, Neku," he says, waving an arm. "All of us -- everyone in the UG, or who could be -- are artists, scientists, craftsmen. People who look at the world and see beauty, or what could be. We've no power if no one cares, Neku: remember that."

His eyes and smile are so bright. Joshua spends so much energy acting like he doesn't give a damn, the apathetic douchelord cloistered in his studio, but when he can bring himself to show _investment_ … it's incredible, and Neku kind of wants to see more of it. Even if he doesn't cheat his laundry, at least there's that.

Joshua chuckles and mentally pulls away, patting Neku's head again as he goes. Neku reaches back almost instinctively -- he's annoying but it's _strange_ to be alone in his head again -- but Joshua gently pushes him away. "It's not good for you this early, Neku," he chides. "You don't have a reaper's protections, and I suspect Ueno and Nerima won't appreciate it if you can pass for a foreign composer, hm?"

Neku furrows his brow. "Eh?"

Joshua hums, and that's _not worrying at all_. "Or perhaps not a composer," he muses, "you sound like Shibuya, but not like you _are_ Shibuya …. Composer-in-training? That's highly unusual, but I doubt unprecedented; so few things are, you understand --"

"I'm not going to kill you," Neku says flatly. Joshua quirks a brow; Neku flushes. "Erase you, I mean."

"I know, Neku," he says, pleased, "which is why I've made other plans. Be happy!"

Be _extremely concerned_ , more like. "How about you stop changing the subject and finish your thought."

"Oh, I don't know," he starts, and Neku growls. "If I _must_ \-- Players and reapers keep their scanning one-way; composers on up tend to communicate soul-to-soul. That's all."

So … what, does Joshua like talking to him as he would another composer? But … Neku can't picture Joshua actually _knowing_ other composers; as far as he can tell, Joshua only talks to him and Mr Hanekoma …. Wait.

"I need to sit down and for you to not try to distract me," Neku states. Joshua grins wolfishly and casually directs him to the edge of his bed. Not really what Neku was _thinking_ , but then again there's probably still reapers on the couch ….

"You said 'composers _on up_ ,'" Neku realises. "Does Mr H outrank you?"

"Now, _Neku,_ " Joshua replies, "in the event that he did, do you think I would be able to tell you?"

So no, then, unless … shit. That's a yes, and he'll probably stop talking if Neku asks for confirmation. Okay. Careful; Joshua is reticent enough even _without_ him having to skirt the edge of regulations.

"Are you trying to get me to replace Mr H?" he says suddenly.

Joshua laughs and laughs and laughs, long enough that Neku stops feeling like Joshua's implying he's stupid and more like he's run straight into death politics. "No," he states. "Absolutely not. That is, in fact, one of the last things I could possibly want. Sanae and I want you as my conductor, and as it happens the powers that be are in agreement, more or less. The only issues are that: one, you continue to not actually be dead; and two, you have not consented at time of judgement to be a Shibuya reaper. That's all."

… huh. Okay. He can work with that. "Not until I have my degree," he states, "and I still might end up changing my mind." Joshua nods. "So, what, he was trying to speed up the timeline?"

"Or force some other issues," he agrees, and from the sound of it, they're probably personal. "Or any of a dozen other reasons; suffice to say, my main concern is that he not do it again." He rubs the side of his head, tired. "Please do not confront him about this."

"… right," Neku says, though he doesn't like it. Joshua's known him a _lot_ longer than Neku has, though, and Neku should probably give him the chance to handle his friend/colleague/mentor his own way. "I'll leave that to you."

Joshua relaxes, smiling at him, then a gleam gets into his eye and he leaps past Neku onto the bed, face landing precisely into his pillow. "Very good," he says, though Neku suspects he's only understandable through an imprint. "Next weekend, then?"

"What, you're kicking me out?" Neku laughs. Joshua tilts his head enough to glower at him.

"Sometimes a shower is just a shower, Neku," he grumbles, "and if you weren't a _barbarian_ you would know that." Neku flips him off; Joshua sniffs, mock-insulted. " _I_ assumed that this day had been far too long already, and that _you_ had other things you wished to do, hm? Plenty of time for _that_ sort of tomfoolery later."

Wow, pissy. Neku isn't offended or anything, but he does roll his eyes. "You sound like a grumpy old man," he says, as Joshua buries his head back in the pillow and groans a complaint. "Fine, okay, I'll leave you alone. Let me just get my stuff, and --"

Joshua snaps his fingers and Neku's clothes fall on his head. "Thanks," he says flatly, pulling his shirt off his face, "that was necessary. You mind dropping me off near --"

Joshua snaps again, and Neku blinks a few times to find himself in … Scramble Crossing. Not what he was going to _say_ , but he'll take it. Just, you know, he would have picked _literally anywhere else_.

Well, not _literally_ , but still. It's Joshua. What can you do?

Neku just sighs and gets moving.


	16. In Which Joshua Admires a Fish Tank

Joshua pays attention long enough to note that Neku's not actually pissed, then flips his vibe up in preparation for his nap. It's so _nice_ to actually stretch out; it's interesting hopping down enough for Neku's convenience, but exhausting, and so much easier to get things done up here.

None of which he wants to do right now. `Take care of yourself,` Sanae tells him from his café. `I've got everything under control.`

That's what he's afraid of, and Sanae knows it, too. But for all his faults, Joshua's never known Sanae to put anything before Shibuya, and that's the point, isn't it? `I know you do,` Joshua replies, adding a hint of trust and assurance and maybe even a bit of an apology. For siding with Neku, if nothing else; for not letting Sanae have free rein with Joshua's city.

And it _is_ his city; there's no doubt about that, and he redirects a bit of traffic out of Neku's way as he goes to hang out with Beat to prove it. It's good, that there are people who'll help Neku relax and recharge; Joshua never knew what Megumi did when he needed a break.

Sometimes it seems like Joshua hardly knew Megumi at all, despite everything. Too late now, he supposes, and likely little good it would have done earlier, too.

He always gets a bit maudlin at the end of Games, these days. Sanae may have a point over getting any conductor, even if it's not the one he wants: Joshua's not much good to anyone like this.

Perhaps he should see if he can have Neku keep him company when he needs it, frame it as taking up duties ahead of time. Have him properly introduced to the reapers, so that there's fewer surprises when he finally takes the job. It may be worth a shot.

He queues up a few texts for Shibuya to send whenever Neku gets to the train station, then settles in to doze off. Nothing vital: photos of Neku with his friends, Neku with the reapers, Neku and Joshua. Reasons to come back someday, and he lets Shibuya take over.

* * *

By the time Joshua's himself again, Neku's long gone. It's no surprise, of course, but it is a disappointment. He picks up some of the projects he'd left unfinished -- easing teachers' and students' beginning of year worries, mostly, since it's often best to start with the young -- and then glances at his mail.

There's more of it than he feels like there should be, Atarashi and Kariya keeping him apprised of the sorts of reaper chatter that Megumi never bothered to follow, and he's not sure how to feel about that. Forewarned may be forearmed, but does he really need to know the specifics of the reapers speculating on Neku's appearance yesterday? 

What is he thinking, of course he does; he's just bitter.

The consensus is that they're fucking, of course, that being the easiest explanation for someone jumping the ranks so quickly, and they're not exactly wrong. Not right, either: Neku would be suitable even if he had no interest in Joshua at all. But they aren't wrong, and that's the sort of thing that breeds ill-will.

Except Kariya and Atarashi keep pushing alternate theories, speculating on what kind of person would Play three times, reminding the reapers of Neku's decency during the Taboo Noise debacle. Not for the first time, Joshua's grateful for the few reapers predating him: he might have to see about giving them a raise. They've done well by Shibuya.

Meanwhile, Minamimoto's been ranting to the others about Neku's aesthetic appreciation for _true art_. He's likely just aiming for a conductor who'll let him skip meetings as much as Megumi did, but Joshua respects self-serving laziness when it's convenient.

Disaster averted, and Joshua's city and plans are in good shape. Good enough for him to indulge a whim, even.

`I'm going out for a little while,` he texts Kariya and Atarashi. `Make sure My district remains recognizable when I return.`

Kariya chokes on his instant ramen, typing out a quick `K boss` one-handed as he tries to get a noodle out of his useless windpipe, while Atarashi jumps in astonishment and replies: `omg well have a good time n try not to explode ok??? the prvs boss was usually fine but u never know amirite`

… well. Exploding _would_ be unfortunate. ` I appreciate the sentiment,` he tells her, shaking his head. She throws the phone a V-sign, then snaps a selfie and sends him it, just in case; he knew anyway, but he chuckles at the effort. He should've tried to contact the reapers years ago; maybe then he'd be less charmed each time one of them remembers he exists.

He might want to also message Sanae before leaving, but … nah. Shibuya can handle itself just fine while he's out, with or without Sanae's cooperation, and Joshua laughs as he hops up to switch planes.

Serves him right, anyway. 

* * *

The composer in the Tin Pin universe isn't in their throne room, but from Joshua's understanding, that's normal: they have a peaceful Game here. Even so, he sends them a quick `Just visiting,` and teleports to the other Joshua's studio. It would hardly do to give the impression Joshua plans on a coup, after all.

Joshua raps on the door, projecting a heads-up, and waits. The other Joshua -- Pink, he supposes -- hardly bats an eye at his double in his apartment, and lets him in.

"Miss me already?" Pink quips, and even if he's only a reaper here, Joshua is Joshua and a few years are nothing. 

"There's hardly anywhere worthwhile to play Tin Pin back home," he replies, glancing at what Pink had been working on. An article comparing Lapin Angelique's pin selection, it looks like. "You've a typo there," he says, pointing.

"Do I?" He checks it and huffs. "So much for clairvoyance; it can't even make kanji prediction software accurate." Pink looks up at Joshua, and it'll never stop being fascinating hearing the differences in their Music, even if they are the same person. "I can finish up in a few minutes," he says, testing.

"Take your time," Joshua says, walking over to examine Pink's shelves. It's mostly the kinds of things Joshua'd kept when he was alive -- books, knick-knacks, painting supplies -- plus an actual fishtank. Freshwater, with a school of tetras, a betta, and a plecostomus. Not the most impressive setup, but he can see why Pink would like it. Calming, colourful, low-effort.

Pink's eyeing him, a little wary. Joshua has no intention of putting his other self down for living within his means; surely he should know there's no point. `Hello,` Joshua sends to the fish, and the betta comes to look at him. Joshua waves to it, as Pink returns to his article, and Joshua breaks apart a bloodworm cube to play catch with the fish.

"Would you be able to print out your old articles?" Joshua says after a while, smiling as non-threateningly as he can manage, and Pink perks up. "Without your legal name, if that's acceptable: I'd like to show them to my own Neku so that he reads it."

"I can do that," he replies, a bit cautious. Honestly, it's like he expects Joshua to have no reason to respect him. "Then, your Blue would be …?"

"Alive, attending university, still in contact with me," Joshua says swiftly, smirking. "And yours?"

"Much the same, though I gather that's a less impressive accomplishment. I understood you keep a purely UG lifestyle …?" he says, clearly fishing, and Joshua takes the bait. No better audience than himself, after all, especially not with his disagreement with Sanae standing in the way, and Pink reserves comment as he summarises the events since his week in this world, give or take a few irrelevant details.

Joshua is certain, completely and undeniably certain, that if Pink had known exactly _why_ Joshua had left his Game at the time, one or both of them would no longer be standing here. It's that simple. Pink alone would have lost that fight, even with Joshua weakened outside his district, but there's only so much he could do against reinforcements. Shibuya takes care of its own.

But Pink knows as well as Joshua does that the mere fact of Joshua _telling_ him this means it's no longer a threat, and he does at least refrain from asking why.

When he's done, Pink still doesn't offer commentary, and Joshua wouldn't have wanted it, anyway. It's freeing just to be able to talk to someone about it, and he suspects Pink'd understand. Pink simply finishes up his latest article and sends it off to his editor, then prints out his back issues, sticks them in a Slammurai clearfile, and hands them to Joshua. "I can't say how much will be relevant to your own world's Tin Pin," he starts, but Joshua cuts him off.

"We seem to share the same pins, as best I can tell. Thank you, really; if I ever get the chance, I'll be sure to introduce my Neku to you."

"It's not a problem," Pink replies, and it's _odd_ hearing his own voice dismiss a favor. Pink scratches his chin, judging, then smirks, more assured than Joshua's seen him all day. "I was planning on eating at Ramen Don tonight," he says, deceptively light. "Would you like to come along?"

Not like Joshua had any other plans worthy of note. "Certainly," he says, and this … this might have been a good idea after all.


	17. In Which Joshua Goes Out To Lunch

Joshua doesn't bother to disguise his curiosity as they go, and that in itself would be enough to keep them from being mirror images, even if they hadn't chosen different outfits today. Dragon Couture for Pink, ever the epitome of the young professional, his only concession to whimsy being the painfully-familiar feather in his pocket, while Joshua's dressed down like an NP advert, complete with a sun hat and set of pins.

He might not be able to hear every slight change in this Shibuya, but he still knows his district intimately, even as he follows Pink around on foot. It's been a while since he's walked around without Neku, and longer still since he's seen it with his own eyes, and somehow the evening light seems brighter than Joshua's ever kept his headquarters. Perhaps it's simply that it's out of his control, or that he's too used to his aquatic blues and not the reds and golds of natural light, but either way, he's glad he can't burn. (Neku, on the other hand … Neku burns like an orchesprog, and the day Joshua stops finding this hilarious is the day he'll request a transfer to Hokkaido.)

Shibuya's music clears and softens as they near Dogenzaka, the local composer not permitting a trace of Noise, and Joshua tenses despite himself. This isn't his district, but it _feels_ like it should be, and he's half-tempted to drop to Noise form and try to take down the intruder. But _Joshua_ is the intruder here, and Pink's presence grounds him enough to keep him from doing anything more than fluffing up, some vain attempt to keep from seeming an easy target.

The composer huffs, not unkindly -- _kids will be kids_ , and Joshua suspects they'd _both_ thought it -- then bows slightly. "Ken Doi," he introduces himself.

"Yoshiya Kiryuu," he says, doing likewise, though given his current company, he might need a different name …. He mulls it over, then inclines his head. "'Gold' would suffice."

"Evening, Dr Pin," Pink says with false cheer, tense in the hopes it won't come to a fight. This really _was_ rather rude of him, wasn't it. "So, brother dear: the color of wisdom? Think highly of yourself, do you?"

The composer laughs, inviting them in, and Joshua follows behind Pink, chuckling softly. "My insight _is_ rather valuable," Joshua says, smirking, and is that --

Pink seamlessly leads him to a table taken by some people who sound _very familiar_ , and gives Joshua the seat next to him. Uncomfortably close, if it were anyone other than himself, but Joshua sits down anyway, a ready observer.

Blue doesn't acknowledge them immediately, still talking to the others, but when he sees them, he falls silent. "Holy shit," he says after a moment. "I thought I imagined you."

This world's Misaki -- _Green_ , he plucks out of Pink's brain -- and Bitou siblings -- Yellow and Black -- drop their chopsticks in shock. "Oh my god," Green says, "Pink! You have a twin!? And he's _real_?!"

"This is --" Pink starts, then stops.

"Yui Kiryuu," Joshua lies smoothly, picking the name from a pink Slammurai character, "or Gold, if you will. I'm visiting my brother for a little while; I've heard Tin Pin's well-regarded here …?"

A crash, and they all turn to the entrance. Shuto Dan, if Joshua recalls correctly; Joshua remembers him as much from the medicine shop as his role in the Tin Pin tournament circuits, and he's nothing if not -- " _Tin Pin Slammer is in our **souls!**_ "

\-- energetic. "That's quite a feat," Joshua says drily, holding back a smile.

"More of a shoe-in, really," Yellow quips, nudging a clueless Blue, and Black beams at them both.

"See, Beat," she says, "I knew you could kick it up."

"All I needed was a foot in the door!" Yellow boasts, and Blue groans: "I'm surrounded by _nerds_."

"If it bothers you that much," Pink drawls, patting Blue on the shoulder sympathetically, "we could always boot you."

Blue pushes his hand off and shoots him a death glare; it seems some things never change. Shuto -- Shooter, Joshua supposes, or no, Pink's thinking of him as Red -- looks between them in growing bafflement.

"What does any of that have to do with Tin Pin?" he asks, taking the remaining seat near Joshua, and Joshua tenses. Too close, _too close,_ and he scoots nearer to Pink.

Pink doesn't shove him back, though, and that distracts him enough that he doesn't listen to Yellow explaining the joke to an oblivious Red and dismayed Blue. A Joshua _not_ defending his space is strange and worrying, and all Joshua can think to do is shuffle back over and toss him an apology.

Pink blinks twice, his reaper wings in the UG flapping in time, and Joshua suspects he'd made a mistake. It'll clear up, or it won't; little enough Joshua can do surrounded by so many people.

Dinner is awkward but enjoyable, Blue and Yellow content to direct the conversation as Joshua listens in, and if Green's judging him, it's at least less to contemplate making a new suit out of him than his own world's Misaki would. They're good people, and it's … nice, eating ramen with them like he's no more significant than Pink's quasi-estranged sibling. And the composer's as amazing a cook in this world as in Joshua's own. (More so, really: a composer never has to worry about food _spoiling_ , but that's no fault of Joshua's own Mr Doi.)

It's interesting, seeing how Neku could get along with his friends if things were just a tiny bit different, how they are nonetheless.

Pink is one of them, even with him off-balance he's one of them, and he follows along with Blue and Yellow's camaraderie like he's invited. Maybe he is. Green sets up a lunch date with Blue, and even mentions her friend who 'doesn't play Tin Pin, but she's pretty amazing anyway' without Blue flaring up into a fit of resentment. Pink tries to wheedle discounts at Herbal Remedies out of Red to no avail, but it has the practiced air of occasional success. 

He's happy, honestly happy, and that's more a shock than anything else could be.

The humans leave first, of course, Pink giving him and the composer a look of _be right back_ as he goes to walk them out like a polite friend who absolutely does not have a double life, and Joshua doesn't understand why he wouldn't just _say_ it. Pink is like him, isn't he, and Pink's already on his way back when it finally occurs to Joshua that he _can't_.

Ken Doi's washing dishes the slow way when he nods and sets down another bowl of shio ramen for Joshua. "Yen for your thoughts?" he says casually, not really expecting an answer.

Joshua's as far above Pink as he is above Neku. No wonder he's so wary. "… Your district is very peaceful," he says instead, stirring his noodles. Maybe he can make it into shapes.

The composer raises an eyebrow; `Don't play with your food,` he sends, not entirely deliberately. "I do my best," he says, rubbing his head. "It wasn't always like this, though."

"Your conductor," Joshua agrees. "I remember."

"Yodai's a good man. I'm glad to have him back." And an excellent chef, they both think, though Joshua personally prefers Ken Doi's ramen. "How's yours doing?"

"Oh, Megumi?" Joshua says, casually slurping his ramen. "I erased him."

And the conversation, for that matter. Pink chooses that moment to poke his head in, glancing between them to make sure they're not fighting, then walks in with Minamimoto. Joshua carefully does not jump; _this isn't his world_. There'd be no point in trying to shoot him; he's as safe as he could be.

"Howdy, pops!" Minamimoto says brightly, clapping the composer on the back, then turning to stare down Joshua. Joshua calmly eats his ramen, unruffled. "Who's the reflection?"

"Refraction, more like," Joshua mutters: he's _distorted_ , not _mirrored_. Precision is important.

"Well, Junior," the composer says, "say hello to a visitor from another world."

Minamimoto watches Joshua for a moment, then turns up his nose. "Meh, I think one of the pinprick was enough. Hey, you got any --" and Joshua tunes him out, uninterested in the affairs of this Underground. Even if the Minamimoto here doesn't have his wings yet, and Joshua's Neku may be less special than he thought.

He makes a note to potentially ask Sanae about that; it can hardly hurt. Joshua catches the composer's attention just long enough to set some pins down as payment and send a quick, `Thank you for your hospitality. The food was delicious.`

`What goes around comes around, eh?` Ken Doi replies, not pausing in his conversation with his student, or maybe adoptive son. Joshua only wishes it worked like that; he's no idea if he could be as welcoming a host. Something to aspire to one day, perhaps: run an Underground stable enough to accommodate visitors. It would mean less excitement on a daily basis, but more room for surprises. Worth considering, at least.

Joshua hangs around outside, as much on a whim as a hunch, and after a bit, Pink strides out like he owns the place. (And he _doesn't_ , Joshua has to remind himself; so strange, to see a Yoshiya who merely _acts_ like he's on top of the world.) "Leaving already?" Pink says, feigning unconcern.

"I've intruded on you more than enough, I suspect," and he doesn't just mean Pink's time.

Pink raises an eyebrow. "I'm surprised you care," and that -- that stings a bit.

It's true enough. "Neku's fault, I suppose," he says quietly, looking up at the sky. It's late enough that the buildings have lit up their storefronts, and how odd, that he'd gone so long without really _looking_ at his own city. Well, Ken Doi's city, technically, but the streets and people might as well be the same. It's still Shibuya, still the district he's fallen in and out of love with, and maybe he can stop taking it for granted. "My world … I don't _talk_ to people the way your composer does, haven't in years."

Pink makes a noncommittal sound. Not willing to tell Joshua that he thinks he's full of shit, and that's not _right._ "I apologise," Joshua adds, and Pink stares at him like he's grown a second head.

Oh, come on, it isn't _that_ odd that -- no, perhaps it is, and he's truly made a mess of things, hasn't he. "I kept scanning you, and that was -- rude, I suppose. I honestly forgot that …" He trails off. There must be a more diplomatic way to phrase 'that you aren't also a composer.'

"That I'm not omnipotent?" Pink finishes dryly. Joshua shrugs: that works. "Is that a compliment, or merely self-congratulatory?"

"Narcissism, most likely," and Pink quirks a smile. "Neku told me just yesterday that I should be more conscientious."

Pink studies him, and Joshua holds himself as regally unconcerned as ever. "My," Pink settles on, "I'd never thought any version of me would sink so low as to follow our beloved Black and Blue's advice."

"It's tragic," Joshua agrees, nodding along. "With any luck, I at least won't take after his sartorial decisions." They share a moment of mutual repulsion, and then Joshua has to ask: "Does the Neku of your world believe that going outside wearing only a fan's socially acceptable?"

Pink blinks. "What sort of fan are we talking about?"

"May I?" he says, and Pink nods. Joshua calls up the memory in question and imprints it: Neku wearing a samurai helmet and carrying a katana, with a folding fan in lieu of a shirt. And pants, for that matter. One of the better/worse Game decisions he'd made, and there's no shortage of competition.

"Congratulations," Pink says, sincerely impressed. "I think that might actually top his attempts at Slammurai cosplay." Joshua quirks his head in a silent question, then checks Pink for the image.

"My, that _is_ dreadful," he says, shaking his head, "though you must give him some credit: at least he doesn't pick clashing brands."

They continue like that for a while, gossiping aimlessly as they walk back, but all things must end eventually. Joshua looks up at Pink's apartment building and murmurs, "I'm afraid I must be going," and Pink might honestly be disappointed. "No one much appreciates it when the boss is out of the office and Minamimoto's declared himself in charge again."

Pink shudders: yes, Minamimoto with power _is_ too horrifying to contemplate. "I'd always wanted a job where I could be lazy," Pink says wistfully. "And yet here I am, nothing but deadlines as far as the eye can see."

"Isn't that always the way it goes," Joshua sighs. "Deadlines, paperwork, and bureaucracy: you can never truly avoid them." He shakes his head and adds, "Take care of yourself."

"Worry more about yourself," Pink replies, and he's probably right. Joshua laughs darkly, then fades out.

He really ought to do this more often: it's a complete shame to deprive himself of his own company.


	18. In Which Joshua Does Not Know if the Box is Half Full or Half Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Either way, though, Joshua probably shouldn't open it: there's a CAT in there. And in here!

Of course, just because he vanished doesn't mean Joshua's actually _home free_. He tries raising his vibe enough to return home, but no go. Not outside of his Shibuya, at any rate. It's completely possible the composer could send him home, but he's tread enough on his patience: best not to push it. Not when he has other options.

So instead he meanders over to Cat Street. The Jupiter of the Monkey store is as tacky as ever, and Joshua rolls his eyes more dramatically than perhaps necessary. He'd hope the store's inconvenient location would keep the brand obscure, but unfortunately not: maybe Neku's influencing the trends. Joshua will certainly blame him for it regardless; it's not like anyone could stop him.

It's a pity the store's already closed for the day, really: Joshua could use a laugh, and that clerk aspiring to be a poet's always good for it. Even more inconveniently, the café a block away's closed again. As always.

Like that's ever stopped him.

He strolls up to WildKat's door with no regard for the sign, and quickly scans for any hint of this world's Sanae. There's nothing, absolutely nothing, but then if Joshua's missing most of his power here, there wouldn't be, would there. He takes a deep breath, purely for show, and then rat-tat-tat rat-tat-tat rat-TAT-tat tat-tats on the door. And waits.

No response, and then _still_ no response, even as Joshua knocks out other tunes in boredom, but eventually Sanae _finally_ deigns to open the door, covered in paint and reeking of oils.

"There _is_ a sign, you know, Yoshiya," he says tiredly, moving out of the way to let Joshua in, but Joshua just shrugs.

"Signs are for other people," he says, only partially meaning it: it's rare his Sanae's doing anything _really_ important at this time of night, and Joshua can hardly imagine this Sanae being different in that regard. Though, on that note … "And 'Yoshiya', really?"

Sanae scrutinises him, careful not to drip paint anywhere. Joshua wonders how much Pink knows about Sanae, really, though he's glad they're at least acquainted enough for this. After a moment, Sanae nods at him slightly. "Didn't think a composer'd much appreciate childhood nicknames," he comments. "The you I know sure doesn't."

It hadn't even occurred to him that was possible. "And pass up the religious implications?" he says instead, though truthfully Joshua'd hardly thought about it at all, only snickered when he'd deigned to tell his Proxy his name.

"There is that," Sanae allows, as he brusquely washes off his hands and wipes off the door handle. "So, Josh, there a reason you're in my shop? 'cause if you're looking for table scraps, I don't have any."

"Woof," Joshua says insincerely, before shifting to Noise form and hopping onto the couch. He rubs his back against the cushions just long enough to properly shed on them, then shifts back before Sanae can try to hit him with a newspaper. Not that _this_ Sanae might, but -- ah, fashion magazine. Close enough. "Can't I be curious about an old friend?"

Sanae glowers at him over his glasses. "And ignore food safety regs? No."

Joshua huffs: like Sanae's never done much the same. Hell, Joshua suspects Sanae's own Yoshiya has done it, though Pink's much harder to track.

"Interesting choice, by the way," Sanae adds. "Did you get it before or after your position?" Joshua blinks at him. "The dog form, I meant. Yoshiya's a wolf."

Honestly, Joshua has no idea: he'd spent so little time as a regular reaper that there'd've been no point. "I swear to dog that I am god," he says instead, taking a pin out and tossing it up into the air to watch it fall.

Up, spin, catch. Up, spin, catch.

Sanae watches the pin intently, though he pretends not to. So predictable. "Do you know where these came from?" Joshua says, holding it up so he can see the Red Skull motif.

"Never seen it before in my life," he says frankly, and it's even true. From a certain point of view. "Where'd you get them?"

"Oh, they were all the rage in my Shibuya for a few weeks," Joshua says, completely casual. If this Sanae strikes him down, no one will ever know.

So be it.

And Sanae's thinking about it, even mostly uninvolved he's thinking about it, and Joshua might not _mind_ but if he's going to go down, he'll go down fighting. Joshua can't tell how long it takes, and that's so _odd_ , not knowing the uncountable little ways Shibuya moves forward, but eventually Sanae nods, sad and defeated and they can both relax.

"So you're _that_ Josh," he says, not expecting a reply. "I should have guessed."

"I am indeed," he agrees, neutral. Sanae stares at him a moment longer, then goes to start up some coffee, paint and dust vanishing off him as he goes. No point pretending to be what he's not, not with a history like theirs.

Sanae's always been the type to find something to do with his hands when he needs time to think, but Joshua doesn't mind. Not like he's in a hurry; not like he wants to push him into a corner. He did that once before without meaning to, without really thinking about how Sanae would feel, and look where they are now. Best to wait, to let him decide on his own what to do.

"Always knew I'd screw up eventually," Sanae settles on, without the faintest trace of regret. "You think it was worth it?"

"Shibuya was safe, last I saw it," Joshua says, and that's its own answer. They might be damned, the both of them, Sanae for his own actions and Joshua for changing his mind, but the district's all right, and that's what matters in the end. He laughs quietly: out of the two of them, it's Sanae who really might encounter consequences, and that's an irony he doesn't know how to deal with. "I … may need some help getting back home, however."

Sanae chuckles. "There a reason you didn't get your own me to pick you up?"

Many, but it's incredible how they _never learn_. This long and still -- "If I'd held a grudge," he says instead, voice clipped, "you would already have been erased."

"True enough," he says, rocking back. "True enough."

Sanae sets a disposable cup down in front of him; Joshua picks it up and chugs some of it down, not even caring if it's poisoned. Sanae glowers at him a little; it might be disrespectful to the beans not to savor his coffee, but he finds that he doesn't much care.

"The you from my world hurt Neku. _Again,_ " and he's almost growling. Composure, composer.

"That _fuck_ ," Sanae snarls with feeling, and _that's_ interesting. He fixes his own espresso to blow off some steam, then plops down across from Joshua and sighs. "You know," he says, sprawling over his couch, "it took weeks for Phones to talk to me again after his last visit."

Joshua hadn't heard about this; he considers asking when this Sanae wallops him with a memory, angel precise.

Neku and Sanae -- this world's Neku and Joshua's Sanae -- standing atop Pork City, Neku exhausted from too much fighting and remembered pain and Sanae always _always_ as unruffled as a tiger in wait. Neku's fear for his mentor, but Sanae has other concerns as the end of the Game draws nigh, and he's curious. Curious and fond as ever of playing with his food, and _shit_.

` That day may come sooner than either of us expect,` indeed, and even with Sanae not using his full strength, he didn't expect that Neku to walk out of that. Alive, dead, doesn't matter: all that should have survived that was a bit of Noise.

Curiosity killed the CAT, and even if it didn't stick, Joshua is so, so proud. 

"I had plans for that kid," Sanae states, "which he ruined without a second thought. I don't want him in my district ever again."

Convenient, then, that Joshua didn't bring him. Joshua smirks, and in the interest of full disclosure, starts, "You _are_ aware that I myself --"

"You asked first, kid." So he did. "Far as I figure it, that means whatever happened between you two's fair game. No harm, no foul."

"Touché."

They sit quietly for a while, sipping their coffees and only really moving when Sanae gets them 'both' some doughnuts. As passive-aggressive as the rest of them; Joshua leaves the doughnuts untouched, just as he's always done, and Sanae smiles at his minor victory.

It's comfortable, even with neither of them being the ones they know, but it's a little odd. Something he'd never noticed, though he couldn't say what. It doesn't matter. _Enjoy the moment_ , Sanae always says, and right now, Joshua's trying.

Eventually, though, he'll have to leave, and Sanae stands up and stretches, all lithe grace. "Let's get you home before your producer starts looking all over the place for you, eh?"

He sighs, then nods. "Quite right," Joshua says, sipping his coffee, though he personally wouldn't mind if he gives his Sanae a few headaches. It's more than deserved.

Sanae tops up Joshua's cup, then clears his throat. "And Josh …" he starts, a bit reluctantly, but Joshua just watches him as nonchalantly as he can muster. "You seemed all right when I gave you those files a while back, so I figure I'll give you a warning, fair's fair."

"Oh?"

"Your wings," he says, and Joshua stretches them out obediently, letting them air out. "You look like you're gonna moult soon, so when you get home, _stay_ home. Might be a few days, might be a few decades, but you do _not_ want to be caught out of your district when it hits."

Joshua hums. He hasn't done a full moult since … ever, actually, and it seems odd he'd have to worry about it now. "May I ask why?"

"It's itchy and unpleasant," he says frankly, speaking from experience, "and if you're not careful, you'll find yourself promoted. Better to just stay home with your conductor, eh?"

That would be easier if he _had_ a conductor, and he suspects Sanae knows that. "I'll take that under consideration," he settles on, and Sanae smirks. 

"I just bet," he says, pulling him up, and they're gone. 

* * *

Sanae heads back as soon as Joshua hears his district again, which is just as well. One (or two) Sanae can be hard enough to plan around. Two (or four) in one place is more than he could handle.

"Home, sweet home," Joshua sighs, and goes back to work. Work might be as it's always been, with too much to do and too many little problems for him to care about, but it's more manageable, somehow, having been able to set it down briefly.

Something to look forward to: get his Underground in good enough shape that he too can welcome visitors. It's only fair, after all.

`I'm back,` he texts Atarashi and Kariya, unsurprised when Kariya deletes his text without replying. Atarashi simply sends him a few photos of outfits she was looking at. Joshua probably shouldn't have let her befriend Kariya; she's picking up bad habits.

( _She's older than you are,_ he could picture Sanae saying, but he doesn't have to take that kind of flack from the real thing, much less his mental impression of him. Honestly, now, can't a composer get a little respect inside their own head? Kids these days.)

Sanae doesn't come crashing into Joshua's studio immediately, thankfully. Joshua knows it's only a matter of time, but even so, it means he can stretch out and check that the patch job in Udagawa's holding without interruption. The other Sanae's probably right: the world sounds indescribably _off_ for some reason, and even with the break to keep his mind off certain people staying outside his district and in _unfamiliar territory_ , Joshua's tense, his strings a bit too slack to stay in tune. In the mood for a change, and that's dangerous: Shibuya may always be in flux, but the composer should be one of the few pockets of stability, ready to pull the district back to the right direction if it tries to go on its own.

His phone rings. "You got a lot of nerve," Sanae says when he picks up. 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Joshua replies, hanging up, and waits.

One, two, and … Sanae pushes Joshua's easel over as he teleports in, though Joshua hadn't had anything on it. "Don't leave without warning me, Josh," he says flatly. "I ain't joking, either: the city's in enough of a mood without me having to wonder if I need to pull you out of the fire. That shit's not funny."

"Interesting," Joshua murmurs, righting it. "Here I'd thought it was hilarious." 

" _Boss_ ," Sanae starts, but Joshua stares him down.

"The senior reapers knew I'd left and had things under control, my friend," he says, and Sanae hisses in betrayal. "You've done plenty on your own of late, Sanae. I thought I may as well have a bit of harmless fun."

Sanae rubs at his head, then shakes it off. "Just … be careful, boss. I worry about you."

Joshua takes a deep breath and lets it out, then again. He might not need it, but it's calming all the same. "You'd wanted me to take care of myself," he says quietly. "I'm trying."

Sanae looks at him, thoughts flickering through his head faster than Joshua can identify, and nods slowly. "Yeah," he concedes, and he's gone. 

Whatever Joshua could say about this day, it's certainly been interesting, and he still has so much to do.


	19. In Which Neku Calls It In

It's amazing how school is already routine a week into university. Neku doesn't know what he'd expected, but it's still sort of impressive. Go to class, do his homework, work on his portfolio, repeat. Whoever thought it'd be the _spring break of life_ , filled with partying and relaxing, never tried being an art student, that's for sure. ( _It's all downhill from here,_ he tells himself, and brightens.)

It's almost enough to keep him from thinking about whatever the hell Joshua and Hanekoma were up to, but that would take either a miracle or the sort of thing he can't forgive. What a _mess_. If only he could completely put them out of mind, but it's difficult: he got into art _because_ of CAT, and CAT's used him, too. Not as much as Joshua has, as far as he knows, but at least Neku's fairly sure where he stands with him. Hanekoma's a big blank at the center of everything, and that's … that's kind of terrifying, actually.

Nothing to be done about it until the weekend, though.

Homework for the day done, Neku fiddles with his phone, belatedly realising he should've gotten the reaper girl's phone number. He should make sure he can contact his new -- 'friends' sounds a bit strong, but that might be what they are anyway. They might not be who he'd've picked, but they _are_ a decent sort.

Heh. Maybe he should text Joshua, just to make sure he can. And for that … it takes him a few tries to raise his vibe to hit the UG, Nerima nowhere near as indulging as Shibuya, but on the fourth try, the world fades out familiarly, nothing important except the people.

He scrolls down to try sending him a message, and … huh. His contact list's longer than it had been, all helpfully labelled by district and rank. It's a lot of people he's never met, but … that looks like less than twenty per district, and he's only got the Shibuya, Ueno, and Nerima reapers. And no names on the second two: guess they figured it's none of his business. Well, they're right about _that_ , but …

The real question's why anyone'd expect him to care about the reapers at all. No, wait, the _real_ question's: ` Did you mess with my phone?` he texts 'Shibuya's Composer,' figuring that's a better bet than the Joshua in his chat history.

`Hello to you too,` he replies almost immediately, and at least Neku knows it works. `Not exactly, no.`

`Not EXACTLY?` Neku echoes, raising his eyebrows. Fucking hell, Joshua. 

`You might have some of the Shibuya officer features. What changed?`

Neku isn't even a _reaper_ , much less a high-ranking one, but complaining as much to Joshua doesn't seem worth it. Not right now, anyway, not when he's being mildly helpful. `Dunno. Havent checked yet. I got more contacts tho.`

It's longer than usual for Joshua to reply again, long enough Neku wonders if he plans to at all, though it's only a few minutes. `You should also have a few more ringtones and a notetaking app. The ringtones are meant to be silent in the RG, though I suspect many of your classmates would notice them regardless. Do not use the notetaking app for private matters: the local conductor and GMs have full access to it, though you would hardly be the first to use it for your personal life.`

Neku takes a moment to appreciate Joshua's complete disregard of character limits as he lets that sink in. What the hell is he supposed to do with that? Or the reapers' phone numbers, for that matter, even if that answers the question of how to get in contact with the Kansai girl. Total overkill, though. But typing out his complaints is more trouble than it's worth, so he just sends, `Surprisingly helpful of you.`

`There's no reason not to be,` Joshua replies immediately, like that's ever stopped him. After a bit, which might just be Joshua taking a normal amount of time to type, though Neku sort of doubts it, Joshua adds: `I may have missed something; I am not the one who performed the phone update, and it's possible there was something added other than the Tokyo standard, but that's all I know of.`

Huh. And if Joshua didn't do it, Neku can't yell at him for not asking him first. Or he _can_ , but there might not be a point. `Then who did?`

And right back to the phone taking longer to load the reply than Joshua took to send it. `The Nerima Conductor, after I filed some paperwork clarifying your position. Unless you've spent the past two weeks alienating as many people as possible, I wouldn't worry.`

Sometimes, it seems like it. He really needs to call his friends who aren't dead; he's been taking them too much for granted. `Okay. I trust you.` And then, since Joshua probably also has feelings: `Thanks. Im glad I can talk to you.`

A pause, long enough for Neku to start up some tea, and then: `Me too, Neku. Be well.`

He'll try, at any rate. No way of knowing what the future holds, but he'll definitely try.

Neku takes a deep breath, reveling a bit in the fact he still needs to, even if his room has the faint musty smell of dorm rooms everywhere, and pours himself some tea. He probably could have let it steep a bit longer, but it _is_ tea, and even if it's a bit weak, it's enough to steel himself.

He checks his phone and scrolls down to find Shiki, but … she's not there. What? Did … they nuke his contacts? But no, his _texts_ with her are there, just not her phone number.

**_OH._ **

He slaps himself in the forehead, because he honestly deserves it, then tries to lower his vibe. And if he thought Nerima was unobliging going _up_ , going down is infinitely worse, everything sounding somehow slimy and viscous as he aims back for the Realground. Shibuya wasn't _nearly_ this pissy, he thinks, and Nerima lets him go with a snap. Did … he just make the district jealous?

He's anthropomorphising it, he has to be.

Neku checks his phone again and lets out a sigh. _There_ she is; he just can't call anyone living from the Underground, though not, he notices, vis versa. Most of the Shibuya reapers are still listed, as are the rank-and-file reapers for Ueno and Nerima. The conductors, conspicuously, are not.

Not his problem, he decides, since it's not like he'd've wanted to talk to them anyway.

He hits the talk button, as much to keep himself from chickening out as much as anything else.

"Hello?" he hears, and he grins. 

"Hey, Shiki," he says warmly. "How've you been holding up?"

"Oh, god," she replies with feeling. "Don't even _ask_ , it's been that busy. I'm up to here with prototypes they want me to do; it's kind of ridiculous how much work they're piling on me, really, just from a few recommendations …."

"It's not like that," Neku says, more certain than he feels. "They like you."

"I hope so," she mutters. "But enough about that: was there some reason you called?"

"Is wanting to hear how you're doing not enough?" he jokes. She splutters. "No, really, I do like hearing from you, but more than that, I was thinking about it and you were right."

"I was?" she echoes. "I mean, of course I was. What was I right about?"

Neku takes a deep breath, because admitting wrongdoing is _always_ hard, especially when you don't like the person in question. "You're right: I have been a _total ass_ to Eri," and even admitting it doesn't make Shiki's audible agreement less painful. "And I'm going to apologize, but do you have any suggestions for things to get her?"

Shiki hums, and Neku adds: "That _aren't_ things I'd also get you. I don't want her thinking I only care because she's dating you." _Even if it's true,_ he silently amends, then admonishes himself. Not helping!

"Yeah," she says absently, thinking about it. "Well, Eri really wants to get along with you," she says, and Neku winces. He's really glad this is over the phone. "She's not going to be that picky: she wants to know you're trying, and a real good-faith effort would make her feel a _lot_ better."

Neku nods, even if she can't see it. "Yeah, but I still should probably get her something."

"I don't disagree." Shiki tuts as she mulls it over. "Eri likes bags way more than I do," she decides. "I always make my dresses with pockets, you know, but she doesn't like messing up the contours …. If you get her a new shoulder bag, something brightly colored, she'll know you're paying attention."

"All right," he says. He can do that. He can totally do that; he remembers the stuff he's seen her wear. "Thanks."

"It's not a problem," she says, relieved. "I'm glad you talked to me about this, Neku. You've been really …."

"I was being a tool, I know," he says, chagrined. "I'm sorry."

"It's not me who --" she starts, but he cuts her off: "I'm going to tell that to her, yeah." He hears the rustle of fabric and assumes she nodded. "Good," she says with finality.

They're quiet for a moment, both not sure what to say. Phone conversations are _hard_ that way, and Neku gives in first: "So, see you Saturday?"

"Saturday," she agrees. "Usual time, at Hachiko."

"Okay," he says, feeling somehow inadequate. "Great. See you then."

"See you, Neku," she says, and hangs up. 

That … could have gone better than it did, Neku suspects, even if that was productive. He feels better about it, anyway.

Shoulder bag, brightly colored, something Eri would use that goes with her favorite jacket. He can do that. He can definitely do that, and it's not like he doesn't owe her already, even if he usually thinks of her favors for him as _Shiki's_.

Just because he kind of thinks of her as Shiki's irritating barnacle doesn't mean he has to act like it. Eri's a person, too, and Shiki wouldn't like her if she didn't have some good qualities. Even if -- no, Neku, _shut up_.

This 'being nice to Eri' thing is hard, and he's not even near her. But even if he's painfully awkward about it, it'll _still_ be better than how he's been acting, and he can at least manage that. For Shiki's sake, if nothing else, and Eri probably deserves better than he's been giving.

He can do that, at least. He has a few days to prepare, even. 

Just got to get through the week. 

* * *

And it even manages to be a pretty good one, all things considered. Neku still has no clue how to actually _make friends_ , even with people he sees a lot, but at the moment, that's okay. It's not ideal, but it is okay.

(He doesn't really want to admit to himself that the main reason it's okay is that the reaper girl _still_ keeps introducing him to people, but it's true. His entire social life's there because he got shot before. That's messed up. Some of the people he met while dead are absolutely amazing, but it's still messed up. He should've changed that by now, but he has no idea how to fix it.)

Shibuya seems different, somehow, when he heads back, and he can't think of _why_ until he's already exiting the station. It's that even though he's only been at university for a few weeks, Shibuya's no longer the first place that he thinks of as home.

 _Home_ is his dorm room. It's his, the way he doesn't think any place has been before, and even if he has dorm rules and curfew to worry about … it's still his place, his responsibility. There's nobody he has to avoid; there's no one who might barge in looking for a fight. Shibuya's his hometown, but that's no longer the same place as where he hangs his hat.

It's strange, but not bad.

(He doesn't plan on telling Joshua about that if he can avoid it. For the first time, it starts to sink in that Joshua has never lived outside of Shibuya and never will. Just one little district in Tokyo, bigger than Neku can really comprehend and yet one of millions, each and every one of them distinct. Neku loves Shibuya like he does air, but he might've done the same for wherever he was born. It's weird to think about.)

Neku even manages to have a good time shopping with Eri there, and that's something. Eri's delighted at her gift -- an aqua bag with a small painting of a chicken inside, and Neku'd spent longer on that than he'd like to think about -- and accepts his apology with more grace than he can manage at the best of times, and Shiki's happier than he's seen in a while. Neku hopes he hadn't been making her life more difficult; she deserves better than that. Oops. They both do, really.

He has a good enough time he forgets about the _other_ reason he's in Shibuya, even, at least until he's looking at the 104 building with consternation. 

` Whats the plan?` he texts Joshua without preamble. He still half wishes Joshua had just _told_ him what Mr H had done, but a week's wait means he can sort of see the logic to it. If Mr Hanekoma'd hurt him while he absolutely _idolised_ him, damn right Joshua should rub his nose in it, and this way, he might slip something Josh didn't know. 

It still sucks, though. `Lunch at my place?` he replies, and Neku blinks. That's not really what he was thinking, but …. `I would rather you enjoy your day and we get to business when you're relaxed, Neku.`

`I … guess that makes sense,` Neku sends back. Not that Joshua ever tends to leave him _more_ relaxed.

Neku hears the echoes of Joshua's laughter, wherever he is, and starts making his way back down to the sewers. `Sanae is a dear friend, but never someone to talk to without one's full faculties. I'll call him over later.`

Neku's pretty sure there's no friendly way to get someone to admit to attempted murder, and if there is, Joshua wouldn't know it. `So what, u just going to casually spring it on him?` he types, ducking out of the way of some inane tourists trying to take pics of Hachiko. All right, fine, it's an iconic statue. Chill.

`But of course.`

Joshua really is a complete bastard, but it brightens Neku's cold shriveled heart to know he's going to aim it at someone else for once. And not even somebody he'd feel bad for, either: if they've been friends since Joshua was alive, Mr H has to know what he's like by now. Sucks to be him. 

The Dead God's Pad seems empty once Neku gets there, though Joshua straightens up from behind the bar counter. "Just cleaning," he says, and Neku nods along absently. 

Speaking of cleaning, he should probably -- no, nothing from the sewer got on him this time. "You know, this is the second time I haven't felt like I needed a shower," Neku comments, gratefully flopping down on a couch. The couch is clean, too, even with Minamimoto having touched it. 

"Shibuya likes you," Joshua replies, like it's obvious. That sort of makes sense, Neku supposes, so long as he doesn't think about it much. It makes as much sense as anything else would, anyway. "Anything to drink?" he adds, and Neku notices he's already got something with an umbrella in it.

"Surprise me." Neku wouldn't have thought Joshua actually used the bar himself, and he's intrigued.

"Dangerous," Joshua notes, approving. "Reapers can eat nearly anything so long as it wasn't prepared with killing intent, Neku." 

Neku winces, but soldiers on: "I trust you." Joshua purses his lips and looks away, burying himself in whatever he's doing. Neku hears him run a blender and hopes he's not chopping up dead puppies or anything. After a minute, he stands up and sets a second glass on a tray, then comes out to sit with him.

Thick, yellow, cold, and with its own tiny umbrella (JotM blue to Joshua's pink), and Neku has no idea what it is. 

Well, he did ask for a surprise, he decides, and takes a sip. The hell …?

"Durian milkshake," Joshua explains, watching his face. "Verdict?"

That explains it. "Not bad," Neku concedes.

"High praise, from you," Joshua notes, and is he actually proud? He _is_.

He might have a reason to be, Neku silently admits: the durian was definitely a surprise, but it's actually pretty good. "You reapers can't leave well enough alone, can you," he sighs, and Joshua quirks a brow. "Poisons behind the bar?"

Joshua looks to the side, watching a skate go by in the tank. The fish _do_ make it really easy to avoid eye contact, Neku has to admit. Props for that. "We tend towards the self-destructive," he says eventually. "Everyone would think about it, so the fact that it's there makes it -- too obvious, uncreative. Sometimes someone tries it anyway, but the ambitious ones _hate_ to be predictable, and everyone would know."

"And so since everyone knows they can, hardly anyone does?" Neku finishes, and Joshua nods. It makes a weird kind of sense. As much as Neku's surety that any time Joshua reminds him he _could_ kill him, that he's probably not going to.

The worst threat is the one you don't see coming. Just like Hanekoma. 

Neku isn't really hungry anymore. 

Joshua watches him, face intent. "How was your week?" he says, and Neku knows it's a distraction and doesn't mind.

"It was pretty good," he says, and since he seems like he's listening … Neku figures he might as well tell him about all of his classes, though he doesn't bring up the Nerima and Ueno reapers except in passing. Joshua probably knows some of it anyway. 

He nods at the right points, and Neku can't sense any resentment, which is interesting. It's gotta be there _somewhere_ , but either Joshua knows Neku doesn't give a shit or he's starting to be resigned to it.

"I can't say I understand," Joshua says eventually, "but it sounds like you're happy …?"

Probably the former, Neku thinks. "Yeah, I am."

Joshua hums noncommittally. "That's good," he settles on.

 _Definitely_ the former, and Neku stifles a sigh. "So did you do anything without me to entertain you?" he says, and it might be cruel to push, but Joshua brightens right up.

"Of course I did," he says, authoritative. "You didn't think you were _that_ special, did you?"

_Asshole._

Joshua smirks, self-satisfied as ever, and slams a folder down on Neku's side of the table. It's covered in zodiac stickers, because of course it is, and Neku peels open the seal.

A card falls out, and Neku blanches.

> To Composer Kiryu's Neku Sakuraba,
> 
> Your composer was of the opinion that my specialized knowledge would be of use to you, and who am I to disagree? If there are any significant differences in our worlds' Tin Pin, I wash my hands of them. Lay all blame at the feet of your fallible composer. 
> 
> Please do not permit reprints of my work. I have little interest in helping my alternate self develop a reputation as twenty artists with the same face. One person copying off alternate universes is quite enough for Shibuya, wouldn't you say?
> 
> Sincerely, in this and many other worlds, Reaper Pink of Shibuya

That's weird, Neku thinks, and notices Joshua'd gotten up to read the note over his shoulder. Neku's pretty sure he'd've remembered meeting someone with a name like that, but it sure doesn't sound like _Pinky_. And she hates being called that, anyway. 

In fact, it sounds more like ….

"Such little faith," Joshua says woefully, flipping through the articles with a careful disregard. "It's not undeserved, mind, but it is disappointing."

"Who's this from?" Neku asks, half-sure of the answer. These articles are … surprisingly detailed for a children's game. 

Joshua smiles. "It's a memento of my most recent vacation, Neku," he replies. Not really an answer, but ….

Alternate universes. And _composer_ Kiryu. "Are there worlds where you're just a reaper?"

He hums, long and drawn out, and sips his drink. Neku still doesn't understand why Joshua didn't just conjure it, whatever it is, but it's not like it's his business. "With a day job and everything," Joshua says eventually. "There are worlds with all sorts of things. Strange, isn't it?"

It is, yeah. "Was I there?" Neku asks, unsettled. It's weird to think Joshua might've talked to an alternate Neku and Neku'd know nothing of it. 

Joshua shrugs. "There was a Neku," he concedes, "but he's not very much like you." He shakes his head and meets Neku's eyes again, fiercely. "I prefer this model."

Neku flushes. "I wasn't worried," he lies, and Joshua chuckles. Whatever bug had been in Joshua's head, it seemed to be gone, now. Good riddance.

He flips through the articles himself, marveling at how deadly serious the author had treated Tin Pin. Heh. Deadly. "So a different you wrote these?" he checks, and Joshua nods again. "Thank him for me, whenever you see him again."

"I will," he sighs, and he's hiding something. Neku tries to nudge him/Shibuya, still unsure what he's doing, but Joshua brushes him off. Not Neku's concern, not dangerous.

Neku'd be a fool to trust Joshua's judgment, after everything he's done, and he shoves a bit harder just in case.

A flash of wings and Joshua's scowl, and Neku feels like the table just clobbered him. Fucking hell, _ow_ , that stung! Doesn't feel like he actually hurt anything, though, just messed up Neku's concentration, but he still wishes he had something to rub pointedly in reply.

Joshua stares at him evenly, and Neku looks away. "If I wished to tell you, Neku," he says, "I would have."

"Joshua --" Neku starts, but Joshua cuts him off. 

"The single complication is private and affects only myself, Neku," he says, voice flat. "Permit me to keep it that way."

Neku takes a deep breath, and then another. "Okay," he says carefully, and then to Joshua's calm gaze, "sorry."

Joshua stares at him a moment longer, then nods. "Apology accepted," he says, voice softening: "I have no intention of abusing your trust."

"Yeah," Neku says quietly, glancing down at the literal sharks circling lazily below them, and even so: "I know."


	20. In Which Joshua Has Jumped the Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update today! Hanekoma is still physically not in this one, but there's enough fucketry he has his hands in that, uh, yeah. Also suicide discussion.

If Joshua is ever going to take having Neku in his domain for granted, please don't tell him, because Neku on his couch drinking something he'd prepared is one of the best things he's seen in recent memory.

Even if Neku's watching the fish, shame-faced.

Joshua straightens, sure his point's clear. "I didn't shove you out too hard, did I?" he checks. Even with Neku actively trying to pry into Joshua's mind, Joshua needs to be _careful_ , and a moment's slip could be --

"Huh?" Neku says, confused. "No, I'm fine," and he seems it, too. Oh, good.

Joshua lets himself relax slightly, but Neku's chewing on his lip and that seems -- wrong, somehow.

"I was trying to take the answer from you, wasn't I," Neku says, hating himself, and _where_ did Joshua mess up, that some of the intricacies of being tied to the UG are making Neku _less_ happy, not more?

But lying'd just make it worse, at the moment. "You were," he confirms. And even with Neku's limited skillset, he still needs to know; Joshua can't leave him half-trained: "If you'd tried that on a wall reaper, they'd have no secrets and a giant headache, at best."

"I wouldn't," he starts, and stops. Joshua doesn't think Neku would have wanted to, no, but if he'd formed the habit …? He very well could, and they both know it. Joshua isn't the worst composer out there, not by far, and he doesn't have half the charisma Neku does. Better to avoid the temptation.

Neku clears his throat, determined, and asks: "And at worst?"

"Erasure, or leaving them a puppet, only capable of following your commands," Joshua states, and neither is acceptable behavior from his proxy. "You need to be careful; you've a lot more strength than you had as a player."

"And whose fault is that," Neku mutters, and Joshua closes his eyes. They both know. 

They both know, and Joshua would still do things nearly the same, is the thing. Be more conservative about raising Neku's vibe; maybe push for binding Neku to Shibuya ( _to Joshua_ ) sooner rather than later, so Neku knows how to use it _before_ he's strong enough to do damage; but Joshua still feels he did close to the right thing with the information he had. It was this or let Neku go off without him, and that's … Joshua had to try.

But Sanae does the right thing, too, and look where that gets him. Friends betrayed, ideals in shambles, and the only thing between him, Falling, and subsequent erasure with extreme prejudice is Joshua as charge and friend and parole officer in one package. 

Then again, the district is all right.

It's worth it. 

Neku tentatively nudges Joshua's music again, careful not to pull as he had, and Joshua returns the unarticulated question with reassurance. No damage and no grudge, on either end. As it should be.

"I didn't mean it like that," Neku says quietly, and Joshua smiles sadly. Yes, he did, they both know; Neku flushes, and amends: "that was uncalled for. Sorry, Josh."

Joshua bows slightly in acknowledgement. Far be it from him to reject an apology when it's offered; goodness knows he receives few enough of them. And even if he can't fix that in Neku's eyes, maybe there's something he _can_ do ….

He stands up, wordlessly applying pressure for a moment so Neku knows to remain seated, and goes to put on a pot of tea. The slow way, staring baffledly at the electric kettle and all, as much for the weight of ritual as some added time to mull over his thoughts.

He prefers coffee, really, but neither of them need that right now.

He whistles a few cups clean, and teleports his piña colada off the table as he waits for the water to hit the right temperature. The lingering trace of his own soul doesn't really do it any favors, but it still tastes better than if he'd just summoned one. Though just about everything does.

Note to self: -- correction, note to the Shibuya reapers, and this he puts in an official memo: recruit more people who can actually cook. The loss of Higashizawa is a _travesty_ , it really is.

"They say a watched pot never boils," he informs Neku, pouring the water into the cups and then into the tea pot as he walks back, "but every time I watch, the water manages it all the same."

"I don't think you're supposed to have it boiling," Neku replies. "I think that scalds the leaves, or something."

"Touché," Joshua says, setting the tray down. Neku watches as he has the teapot pour itself, entranced, and even if it's a small thing, Joshua smiles.

It's the little things that tend to make the difference, he knows, and he clears his throat. "I don't generally think of my first year as composer," he says quietly, and it's not quite the truth. Neku's head shoots up, curious and without a trace of accusation, but Joshua doesn't want to look at him.

He's made so many mistakes, and he's loathe to make Neku aware of more of them, but he'll have to make the best of it. If Neku thinks less of him for it … he can't say he didn't try.

"I thought I knew what to expect, but I didn't, really. It's not possible to." Neku's watching him, he knows, and he can hear the echoes of an unasked question, but Neku doesn't dare and Joshua doesn't know what he'd say, anyway. "The first rush of power -- it's incredible, indescribable, and Shibuya had been without a competent composer in so long that it was _grateful_ for someone who wanted it and not just the title. Shibuya likes me, and in some ways, I was lucky."

Neku carefully moves to the same couch as Joshua's claimed, and Joshua lets him. Even lets him slide over and lean against him, and Joshua's not sure if he appreciates or hates it. Both, probably, and all the more for knowing he's telling this to someone who _isn't staying in his district._

That won't help, he reminds himself, and _clings_. Neku rubs his back awkwardly, and Joshua's more than a bit tempted to conquer half of Tokyo. No, that wouldn't help, either; Neku'd probably just transfer. This is pointless.

(Shibuya'd throw a fit, anyway. Joshua is _not_ going to compose for any other district, even if he could probably manage it. Unacceptable.)

But even if it is pointless, he should still try. "Shibuya likes me," Joshua says again, and he wishes Japanese had a better word for it without invoking feudalism. Angelic does, he knows, but Angelic has words for most things, especially the intricate symbiosis between a city and its reapers, and both Joshua and Neku can be _useful_ in a way few people are. "It does its best to keep me from causing unintentional damage, and I suspect it does the same for you, Neku."

Neku shivers. "I don't want to hurt anyone," he mumbles, and Joshua savors the contact while it lasts.

"Shibuya likes me _because_ I'll erase people, Neku," he murmurs back, and Neku nods slightly. _I don't think you're cruel,_ Neku thinks. Joshua only wishes he had such confidence.

"What happened?" Neku asks, and he's still touching him. Joshua's tempted to hand him his wing to see what he does with it, but not today. He still needs to talk to Sanae.

Heh. "Most composers had already been senior reapers, Neku. People who, even without the scale of a composer, know exactly how to read a crowd and direct it as they will." _Much like you already could,_ he doesn't say, but he suspects Neku knows it anyway.

"You messed up," Neku guesses.

"Very good," he says, even if he's already told Neku how long he'd spent as a reaper. He pulls out a gold star and affixes it to Neku's nose; Neku just frowns and wrinkles it, not nearly as bothered as he should be.

"My family kept looking for a solution to my 'murder,'" Joshua says, and he'd bet money Neku knows more of his death than the incompetents they called police, too. "It was irritating, not least because they kept trying to harass Sanae over it. So I did something about it."

"What?" Neku says, squeezing Joshua's arm a little.

"They wouldn't drop the subject, so I dropped it for them," he clarifies, and if the district had liked him a bit less, he'd've done more than that, completely by accident. "No one in Shibuya would remember the name 'Yoshiya Kiryu' if you had tattooed it on them. It was kind of funny, actually, until my grandparents tried to schedule a memorial service they could attend …."

Neku whirls around, and -- ah, here we go, he slides back like it's catching. "You brainwashed your family?" he repeats, and if anyone'd understand, Joshua'd thought it'd be him.

"I brainwashed _everyone_ ," he corrects, and admits: "I didn't have the finesse to do much else. Sanae's the only one who had taught me anything, and he's a firm believer in the best solution being the one you find for yourself."

"And you thought he was in trouble," Neku concludes. Nice try, but no.

"Sanae? In _trouble_?" Joshua laughs. "No, the police were sure he was on the side of the angels, even with him not having reported my body until I'd won the game. In case I still wanted my legal identity, you see.

"I just wanted them to shut up."

Neku stares at him a moment longer, then buries his head in his hands, wiping off the sticker as he does.

Is that a good sign or bad, Joshua wonders, and he wants to do little more than gift him with the sense-memories so Neku would understand what it was like. The rage and vindication, that they would pretend to care when Joshua _knew_ they would have just written him off if he'd left it obvious he was a suicide; Shibuya's eagerness to please a composer young enough to shape into what the district itself wanted; Joshua's utter panic, when he realised that complete control over Shibuya means _jack shit_ if it ripples past his district, and Sanae might've been able to clean that one up after putting Joshua through enough phone calls, but _next time he might not_.

He wants to, but he doesn't. He just waits.

This is your composer, Neku, and he wonders if he gave Neku a gun right now, if he'd be able to shoot.

At least Joshua won't be the only one Neku wants erased by the end of the day, he thinks. Oh, Sanae.

After an eternity -- and Joshua knows eternities, and this was definitely one -- Neku straightens up. Wipes his face off. Sips his tea, that Joshua had of course kept absolutely perfect.

"You know," Neku says, voice trembling, "you tried to put me in the same spot."

Joshua says nothing. There's nothing to say, anyway.

"During the Game," he adds. "You wanted a successor who would be as bitter and vengeful and _completely fucking clueless_ as you had been. Didn't you."

Lightly, like it doesn't matter: "I can't deny it."

Neku stares at him. "You absolute fucking asshole," he snarls, and launches himself at Joshua.

Joshua goes down easily, looking up at the ceiling through Neku's hair. Well.

"You fucking asshole," Neku says again, and he might be getting snot on Joshua's shirt. "You just keep _trying_ to make me hate you, don't you, and I kind of do, actually! You are a complete asshole, and you killed me, and don't think for a second I haven't realised you want me to follow you in half your mistakes, _but_ \--"

"I wouldn't dare," Joshua says blankly. "'But?'"

Neku takes a deep breath, wiping his face off on Joshua, and that's disgusting. Joshua blanches. "If I walked out right now," he says instead, "what would you do?"

"Call Sanae," he says immediately. "I still owe you an explanation."

Neku laughs, mostly from stress. "You're an asshole," he repeats, and yes, Joshua's aware of that, " _but_ I'm pretty sure I can trust you."

"Oh," he says.

" _And_ you're still my friend," Neku adds.

"Oh," he says again, eloquently. He has no idea what to say to that, so he just … puts his hand on Neku's back, awkwardly.

Neku relaxes into it, which is -- nice. Nicer when Neku realises what he did to Joshua's shirt and jerks away so Joshua has room to clean it, then settles back down. "Call your friend," Neku mumbles into Joshua's chest.

"I'd rather we keep doing this," Joshua says honestly, even if this isn't the most comfortable position: he's not sure where his legs should go, and any way he moves leaves him feeling short.

Neku looks up, and his face is a bit red but Joshua brightens to see it anyway. "What, cuddling?"

Joshua hums, intending agreement. Just being, for a little while, and Neku only moves to sort out their limbs. That's fine.

That's completely fine.


	21. In Which Neku Looks into the Abyss and the Abyss is an Asshole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update; here comes the Hanekomas!

Neku must've dozed off for a while, because he opens his eyes again and there's the dog. Joshua, of course, and Neku can't even manage to be annoyed because at least it means Joshua's feet aren't digging into Neku's kneecaps. Not that the mouthful of fur is that much of an improvement, but you know.

`If you're awake enough to elbow me,` Joshua comments, and Neku moves the offending appendage, `that means you can pet me.`

"I don't wanna," Neku grumbles, and at least Joshua's not the size of a bus this time. Otherwise, that level stare would be a lot scarier than it is.

Instead, it's just insistent, and Neku gives in. One hand under the chin, the other between the ears, and oof as Joshua rolls enough to trap Neku under two legs. "Okay, fine, but I'm not doing this because you told me to."

`That's all right,` he murmurs, leaning into the touch and groaning.

"I'm also not giving you a belly rub," Neku states, and _that_ is non-negotiable. Even if he looks really soft and fluffy. "You're a person; it would just be weird."

` Only if you wanted it to be,` he replies slyly, and for that, Neku stops scritching him. Joshua barks. `No fair, Neku!`

"It's completely fair," and it's true, too. No scritches for dogs who hit on him, that's the rules. "Are you going to behave now?"

Joshua unceremoniously shakes him off in response, though at least Neku doesn't -- quite -- fall off the couch. He probably would have if Joshua didn't levitate him, though, and for that, he swats at the dog's nose. Joshua grabs Neku's hand with his mouth in reply, and if it were any other dog, Neku'd worry about being bitten.

He's not pressing down, though. Only reminding Neku of his teeth as he licks Neku's fingers, watching him contemplatively. `I always behave,` he says, and Neku closes his eyes for a moment, not willing to dignify that with a response.

But it's the human Joshua sitting there instead when he opens them, and he's still licking Neku's fingers. Neku jerks his hand back like it burns and scrambles up.

"If that's what you call behaving," he stammers, face hot, "I'd hate to see you being a brat."

Joshua sighs, put-upon. "Can I kiss you?" he says instead, and if Neku wasn't already blushing, he sure is now.

"Why?" Neku replies, and that's the wrong answer. Joshua'd teleport off if Neku gave him half a chance, so he doesn't: Shibuya holds him put as Neku leans in, and Joshua's look of bewilderment is worth it.

`Your face is priceless,` Neku sends as he gives Joshua a peck on the lips, and Joshua stares in amazement before kissing him back in indignation, overeager and _furious_.

` Neku, that was mean!` he sends back, tongue hitting Neku's teeth as he pushes him back against the couch and moves to straddle Neku's lap. `You should be glad I even want to after you did something like that!` and yeah, Neku kind of is, actually, even with Joshua trying to shove his tongue in his mouth. He tastes kind of sweet, Neku notices absently, something fruity and coconutty. Probably whatever he had earlier, though Neku'd think the tea'd've washed it out.

And Joshua's hands are indecisively in Neku's waistband, and -- `You can take them off, if you want,` Neku says, his own hands up Joshua's shirt.

Joshua pulls back, crestfallen. "I can't," he says mournfully. _Why not,_ Neku thinks, but Joshua continues: "I don't want a quickie right before talking to _Sanae_. You just _know_ he'd notice that sort of thing, and we'd never live it down."

What.

He plays that over again in his head, and _gah_! Neku's bright red for the _wrong reasons_ , **thank you** , Joshua, and oh god. _Oh god._ "Never," he chokes, "never use that word in the same sentence as Mr H."

And Joshua's gone from embarrassed to sly, and Neku might've just given him a weapon. Oh no. "What, 'quickie'?" he repeats dangerously, and Neku gags. "I've seen him naked, you know."

Neku buries his face in his hands. Too much information! Too much! "No," he says emphatically, "I did _not_ know, and if you please just never mention anything to do with him and sex again, I would be very, very grateful."

"He's atrocious in bed," Joshua adds offhandedly, and _augh_. Augh augh augh augh augh.

Neku screams in frustration, and then screams a bit more. This is more than he _ever needed to know_ and **why does Joshua know that** and **_does that mean Joshua and Mr Hanekoma were involved at some point_** and he's never going to say any of this out loud or even **think** it again if he can manage it and if Joshua says a damn thing right now, Neku is seriously honestly going to kill him.

And Joshua just smiles, innocent as the day he arose from the depths of hell to ensure one (1) Neku Sakuraba would never have a libido again. Which is pretty rich, actually, given that Neku's sure that the moment he thinks he might want a boyfriend, Joshua would be there to look curiously disinterested and determinedly refrain from yelling `Me! Me! Pick me!`

Fucking _hell_.

"Leave me here to die," Neku moans, uncaring of his audience. "I am dead. I am gone. I am no longer of this world."

"I think you're officially Dead just being here," Joshua chirps brightly, and Neku chokes back a sob.

"I hate you," he says fervently. "I hate you _forever_." And Joshua's _laughing at him_ , and Neku hates everything.

And then Neku notices Joshua's already holding his phone, and _oh no_. "Please tell me you haven't already called him," Neku pleads.

"I haven't already called him," Joshua parrots. "Though you must admit that me calling him over right now would look completely natural, hm?"

Neku blinks. … yeah, okay, Joshua amused and Neku frustrated _is_ a pretty standard state of affairs. "Fuck it, let's get this over with."

Joshua nods, and Neku's certain he's not the only one who's been dreading this. "In a moment," he says, daintily resting a hand on Neku's shoulder as he hums something. Neku doesn't recognise it, but he relaxes anyway, a breeze rustling his head though he knows the air here's still as always. And then Joshua's smiling, bright and proud. "Just fixing your hair," he explains, and Neku flashes him a smile of his own.

"Thanks," he replies, and even if he can't see it, it _feels_ right. Definitely better than however mussed up it'd been, anyway.

Neku takes a deep breath, then gives Joshua a thumbs-up. Joshua starts typing on his phone, and Neku settles in to wait.

Or that was the plan, anyway: as soon as he thinks that, he hears someone rapping on the door and strolling right in, no invitation necessary. "Hey, boss," Mr H calls, and Joshua perks right up. "You got any more of those files --" he starts, then trails off. "Hey, there, Neku!"

"Hi, Mr H," Neku replies, and it would be so easy to forget about all the reasons not to trust him. Selling Shiki's artwork, whatever he had done in the Game, manipulating him and who knows who else: all of that seems irrelevant in the face of his cheerful charisma. So, so easy, to forget and listen to the imprint he knows has to be there.

"Something wrong?" he asks, hand on his chin, and yes: everything, starting with how Neku's supposed to believe _CAT_ is a _jackass_ and it was bad enough when he thought he was the composer --

"Neku and I were discussing our Game," Joshua cuts in, and Neku could fucking kiss him for pushing down that damn _imprint_. What the hell, had that been there the whole time? "I was wondering: do you mind explaining _exactly_ what you were up to?" he asks casually, and Neku doesn't need to hear the city to know Joshua's closed all the exits. "It's only I was out for a lot of it, you see," he adds lightly: "maybe I missed something."

Hanekoma looks between the two of them, quirking an eyebrow at Neku. "Not sure I can, boss," he mutters. "You know the rules."

"Yes," Joshua muses, standing up, "I suppose I do." And there's a pit in Neku's stomach, that maybe Joshua isn't going to go through with this; Joshua and Mr Hanekoma have been friends for a _long_ time, and when it comes down to it, Neku's just that pawn Joshua'd used. He's nothing, no one, but Joshua glances at him sidelong and it's a promise.

_Trust your partner._

"Sanae," Joshua drawls, and he sounds like he's savoring each word, "because you're my friend, allow me to lay this out for you. You betrayed me."

"Josh," Hanekoma starts, but Joshua raises a finger and cuts him off.

"That in itself, I can forgive, but you betrayed me, and you betrayed _Neku_ , out of … what? Some misguided sense of overprotection?" and he's mad, each word coming out more clipped. "I can make my own mistakes, thank you!"

Hanekoma shakes his head. "Josh, we didn't come this far for you to lose your head over some _dumbass teenager,_ " he snaps, and that hurts. That actually hurts, and him insulting Neku like he's not even there stings more than the rest.

"Mr H," Neku manages, and he doesn't even have the decency to look cowed.

"Sorry, Neku," he says insincerely, "but this is between me and Josh, you hear?" and yeah, he'd kind of noticed that.

"He stays," Joshua blurts out, then looks at him sheepishly. Neku nods, though he really doesn't feel like he belongs here right now. Joshua smiles in relief, then amends: "He stays or I give him the memory later. But I'm not shutting him out of this, Sanae."

A cold stare over the top of his sunglasses, then a brisk nod. "It's your funeral," he mutters, and Joshua snorts.

"Josh, you're an idiot over Neku," Hanekoma says frankly, glancing at Neku in acknowledgement, and Neku can't really argue with that assessment. "It's one thing when he's here and you keep your mooning to your own time, but now he ain't and you _still_ keep pinning your hopes onto him like he's some kind of miracle! It's not _right_ , Josh. Shibuya needs better than that."

Neku looks down at some rays in the tank, not willing to let them see his face.

Shibuya. Shibuya, Shibuya, Shibuya. It's always about the district with them, and that's maybe the way it has to be, with Joshua the composer and Mr Hanekoma the … whatever he is. Neku's going to be pissed if he gets through this day and still doesn't know.

`Producer,` Joshua contributes. `He's Shibuya's producer, and my friend.`

Right, okay, whatever, but it's always about the district and not about if they get to be _people_.

"Fuck Shibuya," Neku mutters, and Joshua and Hanekoma _stare_ at him, completely scandalised.

 **"As I said,"** Hanekoma growls, and, uh, oops.

"Regardless of how well he understands my priorities," Joshua murmurs neutrally, not looking at either of them, "Neku did save me." Hanekoma coughs; Neku flushes. "I've done a better job managing my resources even with this … distraction … than I had done in years prior, you must realise that, Sanae. You had no right to try to pit us against each other."

"That may be," he concedes, "but what about the last month? You _left the district_ , Josh. You can't be doing that!"

Joshua rolls his eyes. "He's just bitter I didn't warn him first," he tells Neku, making no effort to keep Hanekoma from hearing. "Be that as it may, Sanae, you have two options," he lays out, cold and hard. "I would have _preferred_ to let you share in your own time, but apparently you wish to break the trust of _my partner_ , and that, I will not bear."

"The Game's over," he starts, so reasonable even as --

" _We were partners!_ " Joshua snarls, and Neku is so, so proud, even as Joshua draws his revolver, shifts to Noise and has teeth at Hanekoma's throat; they're the same thing and either way Neku's blood runs cold, the specifics of _form_ lost in the truth of Hanekoma serene at Joshua's threat.

` We were partners, Sanae,` Joshua repeats fiercely, and it may be rare he shows emotion, but the room is saturated with it. The composer and his righteous fury. `You don't get to discard your useless platitudes when it pleases you. Not after everything we've been through.`

"Enjoy the moment," Hanekoma quips, and Neku'd never heard it before as _live like you're about to die_.

They stay like that for too long, Neku afraid to make a sound, but eventually Hanekoma nods and they all can relax.

"You have two options," Joshua says again, like his outburst hadn't happened. "Either you tell Neku what happened, or I give him your reports and answer his questions as best as I'm able."

"My reports!" Hanekoma swears then, long and profuse and only a bit of it in Japanese. "Since when do you have my reports?!"

"Oh?" Joshua says, like it's of no consequence. "Didn't I tell you?"

" _No!_ " he growls, and Neku could almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

Joshua hums, hand over his mouth, then shakes it off. "Strange. I could have sworn," he mutters, and he's so full of shit but it's _interesting_ seeing it aimed at someone else. "The Sanae in the Tin Pin universe gave them to me; his Neku found them, apparently."

Neku can't tell if his alternate self is exceeding lucky or exceedingly _unlucky_ , but Joshua continues and that answers that: "By the way, Sanae, if you ever return there, the other one might erase you and damn the consequences. He's not very happy about you traumatising his Neku."

Hanekoma rolls his eyes, exaggerated and dramatic and _such a big deal out of nothing, really_ , and Neku could honestly hate him, then. "I didn't fucking traumatise him," he says, scratching his neck.

"No," Joshua replies, thoughtful. "That wasn't your intention at all, was it."

"Course not!"

"You wanted him erased," Joshua continues, and _ouch_. "Erased past where _anyone_ could recover, all because you were pissed at me. How pathetic."

Neku … Neku looks to his former idol for any kind of denial, but it's not there. It's not there, and it should be, and --

Neku needs to sit down. Neku needs to sit down, but he's _already_ sitting down, and -- this is too much. It's too much, and he can't get enough air.

He's distantly aware of voices in the background, and someone trying to sit near him. `No,` he thinks, shoving them away, but it's like punching the breeze. They move anyway, perched delicately on the other end of the couch, and it's -- better.

`It's fine, it's fine,` Joshua says soothingly, clearing away some of the noise around his head, and he's not who he wants right now but he's who he has. `You're safe,` he says, and for some reason, Neku can almost believe it.

No, no. Joshua _isn't_ safe; no one is; the world is all wrong, and that's what happens, isn't it. You trust someone and they betray you. And then you get up again, but that can come … later. He kind of just wants to cry right now. Can he just … cry now ….

Something wet on his elbow, and he jerks his arm. Dog nose, and even if it's Joshua, he isn't saying anything. Just watching him and being there, and he's got a glass of orange juice balanced on his head, which Neku takes and drinks and he can put -- he holds it in the air until Joshua sets it down on the table, actually, and he's grateful.

He's even grateful for Joshua's head and chest in his lap, rumbling in contentment. Something warm and soft he doesn't have to do anything about, and Joshua doesn't even complain verbally as Neku wipes his nose on him, in itself a minor miracle.

They sit like that for a while, Neku aimlessly scratching Joshua's ears and it's … better, a bit.

"Thanks," Neku says, and then: "Where's Hanekoma?"

A wuffle, as Joshua licks his hand, and Neku chuckles. `We talked a little and then I sent him home,` Joshua says, cautiously. `He's fine.`

Neku nods slowly, still petting him, then realises. "Oh, I didn't mean -- I didn't think you had done anything to him, or anything," he says quickly, because it's _Joshua_ and expecting the worst would've just been good sense. But Neku honestly didn't …. Joshua is dangerous, but Neku can't see him _ever_ wanting to hurt Mr Hanekoma.

Joshua quirks an ear in surprise and pushes himself even more onto his lap. Better hope he doesn't need to use the bathroom anytime soon.

No, that display there felt like something they've done before, some other layer in their game. Serious, because it's always serious, but they both knew Hanekoma would be the one to back down.

`I'm sorry,` Joshua murmurs, following his thoughts with a feather-light touch, easy to push away if he wants. `I shouldn't have let you see that.`

"I can't say I'm glad you did," Neku says honestly, "but I think I needed to see his reaction for myself. So you don't need to apologise."

Joshua huffs. `I'm sorry you were upset, then,` he snaps, and Neku tenses. Joshua does too, after a moment, then shakes it off. He's not very good at this 'being comforting' thing, but he _is_ trying.

"Let me go wash my face," Neku says, "and then you can call him back over." Joshua nods jerkily and scoots back, letting him up, and Neku realises there was one thing Hanekoma's right about even if he is an asshole: Joshua isn't sensible when it comes to Neku. "Only if you're up for it, though," he adds, feeling it out as he goes: "I don't want to mess things up with you and your friend."

`Neku, I …` Joshua says, trailing off, and yeah, fuck, he's shocked his feelings even come into it. What a mess. `Thank you, Neku,` he says finally. `Sanae and I will be fine,` and he statics back into human form to stare at Neku, wide-eyed.

It's so easy to forget sometimes that for all his power, Joshua's existence has been the Game since he started high school. Neku's already older than Joshua will ever be, and that's -- strange.

Neku gives him a brief hug, though Joshua's as stiff as a corpse, and goes to clean back up.

What a day, and it's not even over yet.


	22. In Which Neku Cascades Change by Observation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanekoma, part two!

Neku takes his time regaining his composure, and he probably needs it, too. The bathroom's different each time he sees it, and today there's a small dark room off to the side with a minifridge and a bed, which would be nice if it weren't for the jellyfish tank. As it is, he kind of has to wonder if Joshua has something he's not telling him.

Neku had gone his whole life without knowing there were bioluminescent jellyfish, and now he could take a nap while watching them, if he wanted to. Wonder if they taste any different.

… It's probably rude to ask Joshua about eating his fish. Just on principle.

On a hunch, he roots through some of the cabinets, since it's not like Joshua has to use this stuff unless he wants to. And … a-ha. `Can I use some of your nail polish?` he types out on his phone, glancing at Joshua's cosmetics. Mostly eyeliner and lipstick, really; Neku supposes he has limited use for anything else. And all sorted fastidiously by color, too, and who even does that?

`Go right ahead,` Joshua replies, and Neku feels a little guilty making them wait like this, but only a little.

He settles on a deep sparkly blue, and puts the rest out of mind for a little while. It all goes perfectly onto his fingernails, too, even when he uses his left hand with wet polish, and that _never_ happens.

Or is it wet? He taps his pinky nail experimentally, but it's already dry. Guess the composer can even make nail polish work perfectly. Neku is so fucking jealous right now.

He looks at himself in the mirror, and yeah, okay. He's ready.

When he steps back out into the lounge, Joshua and Hanekoma are already deep in conversation, and Neku freezes.

"Sanae, if there is any justice at all, he'll find a different career," he hears, and Joshua's as invested in this as he is in local history. Neku smiles a bit at the thought. "He's a good man; it's hardly his fault he's a talentless hack."

"I don't know, Josh," Hanekoma says. "There's got to be some reason people read his blog."

"He has a pretty face and a stunning personality," Joshua drawls, "and what else do you need in this world? -- You can come in, Neku; it's nothing private."

"Just talking shop," Hanekoma adds easily, but when Neku walks in, he's nowhere to be seen. Just Joshua on the floor, reclining against -- is that a fucking _tiger_?! And a lion on the couch, too, and fucking hell.

"Konishi's dead," Neku hears himself say, "so that means … why is _Pi-Face_ here?" Please, no, god, why.

Joshua quirks a brow, rubbing the tiger's neck. "It's just Sanae and I, Neku," he says, like he's explaining to a small child, but even if CAT is -- a literal _cat_ , and how did he not see that one coming ….

"Then why are there _two_?" he says plaintively, looking up at the ceiling for strength.

The cats glance at each other, then: `Threesomes.`

It takes Neku a moment, certain that this could not possibly be happening, and then he buries his head in his hands. "You," he states emphatically, "do _not_ know what sex is."

` On the contrary,` Hanekoma starts, but Joshua yanks the tiger's ear and the tiger snarls, batting at him with a paw. If it were a real tiger, Joshua'd be dead right now, but it's not and, uh, he kinda already is.

"Don't, Sanae," Joshua instructs, and the tiger groans in disappointment. "I know, I know, without the sex jokes, there might not be anything left of you, but _do_ put it on hold."

` See, Neku?` Hanekoma says, and how is it that Neku can be certain he hears him, but he can't tell where from? It's going to give him a headache if he keeps this up. `This is what you do: you make Josh no fun at all, and he was _already_ a stick in the mud.`

"I'm not listening to that kind of thing from you," Neku says authoritatively, and Joshua nods along. "You're like my teacher. Teachers don't _have_ sex."

` Excuse you,` he says, and then if Joshua _statics_ out, Hanekoma's blinding as he shifts back to human, now sprawled across the couch like he owns it. Joshua glowers at the loss of his cushion, then stands up and dusts himself off before snapping his fingers and summoning a chair for himself.

"Guests get the couch, Neku," Joshua drawls, and Neku hustles over to claim the other one before Joshua changes his mind. "Now, where should we begin?"

"Blackmail," Hanekoma mutters, and yeah, accurate.

Joshua ignores him. "Sanae, would you do Neku the courtesy of a proper introduction?" he says instead, and Neku's pretty sure Hanekoma'd walk right out if he thought he could get away with it.

But instead he stands up, bowing mockingly. "Sanae Hanekoma, Shibuya's Producer, at the service of that asshole right there," he says, rolling his eyes. "Born March 3, blood type A, Pisces, yadda yadda, you knew this shit already."

"And it was annoying then, too," Neku comments, as Joshua smirks and snaps his fingers and --

Holy shit. Mr H has _wings_ , and even if that in itself's nothing special in the UG, Joshua's the only other person he's seen with feathers. But where Josh's were -- dinky, he can call them dinky, Hanekoma's are huge, like he's actually grown into them. Bright white, of course, just as Joshua's had been, but with a pearlescent luster, and just seeing them leaves Neku feeling … content. Pissed at Hanekoma, yeah, so long as he keeps in mind _why_ , but all the little things he's annoyed by just don't seem to matter in the face of Mr H's smile.

"Sanae's my liaison to the Higher Plane," Joshua says with possessive pride. "He's an angel," and yeah, Neku could've guessed that.

Well. Neku'd always thought CAT was something special. Looks like he was right.

Hanekoma spreads them to their full span, which Neku's guessing'd be four, five meters? Something around there, anyway. They're fucking incredible, is what they are, and Neku'd ask to touch them if it weren't for what happens when he touches Joshua's.

"Pretty neat, eh?" he says, and Neku nods along eagerly. "Pity Josh didn't mention that it's six kinds of illegal for me to be out to somebody who ain't even a composer," he adds, and Neku pales as he puts them away and sits back down.

"Easier to ask forgiveness than permission," Joshua notes, and that is _so_ not good enough. Not when it comes to Neku's life. "Relax," Joshua adds: "You're ranked high enough there shouldn't be any issue, Neku, so long as I'm the one to clear it."

Neku searches Hanekoma's face, too, just in case, and he nods in confirmation. "Bit hard to wipe your mind of anything important, and composers get pretty much free reign. You should be fine, so long as you don't go gabbing."

"I won't," Neku promises, and he means it, too. Then something occurs to him: "Is 'Hanekoma' a fake name …?"

"I picked it, if that's what you mean." Neku nods. "Then yeah. I got the feather, lion, _and_ cat in the middle: pretty good, eh?"

"It's brilliant," Neku says, at the same time as Joshua's: "It's tacky." Neku glares at Joshua, though at least he'd already known Joshua's taste in art sucks.

CAT's incredible, Neku thinks, but then he remembers Gatito stealing Mr Mew for mass-market and his heart sinks. _CAT's art_ is incredible, but the person behind it …. Well.

Hanekoma lets out a long sigh, looking between the two of them. "You sure you want to hear this, Neku?" he says finally. "This ain't exactly a pretty story, and everything in it's over and done."

Neku glances at Joshua out of curiosity, but his face is blank, neutral, and he might not want to reopen old wounds, but he'll let Neku if he insists. "I can't get over it if I don't know what I'm supposed to get over," Neku replies. "Please just … stop making me dig for it, Mr H."

Hanekoma doesn't so much nod as raise and lower his eyebrows, then huffs, and with Joshua right there, Neku can see the similarities. "If you insist.

"It all started -- well, you could say it started decades ago," Hanekoma begins, and Joshua's gaze is fixed on the wall, "but _this_ mess started when the boss came into my shop for the first time in months to tell me about a bet with his conductor over Shibuya's fate."

"Megumi was a good man," Joshua murmurs, and Neku wonders whether it was right to let him sit alone, whether Neku should be putting _Joshua_ through this. But Joshua's the only one who could keep Hanekoma honest, and if _that's_ how it is ….

Neku's suddenly glad they'd waited for a Saturday.

" _My_ role, of course, was to be a neutral party," he continues, ignoring Joshua, "supplying anything either of them might need and keeping score. And that lasted all of, what? Five seconds?"

Joshua coughs, and it sounds suspiciously like, "Less."

"The easiest way to keep from losing is not to play.

"The boss needed to go down to the Realground to pick his proxy -- that's you, Neku," and yeah, Neku knew that much, "and I don't think he'd gone anyplace other than here and my shop in years." Joshua closes his eyes. "That left him vulnerable.

"It's part of my job to know who all the reapers are, even if they're not supposed to know me. They mostly patronise shops in the Game, so they all know I'm a barista. Part of why I keep the place open at all," he snipes, but Joshua doesn't rise to the bait. "So I told Minamimoto the composer'd be going to the Udagawa mural."

Joshua's still not looking at anything. This was a bad idea. "How did you know I'd be at the mural?" Neku asks, and it's to both of them.

Joshua looks up. "Sanae's art -- all art, really, though Sanae has it down to a science -- is laced with an imprint," he explains. "It's easy to manipulate people if you know what they're thinking." Neku pales.

"I ain't going for anything bad," Hanekoma says quickly. "Just to `Gather` and `Enjoy the moment`, so people with strong imaginations'll want to stay in Shibuya to look at it."

"So …" Neku starts.

"I knew you'd be strong because you were there," Joshua confirms.

And Hanekoma finishes, "And _I_ knew he'd know, so I sent Minamimoto to kill him before he can do anything else."

"Only it didn't work," Joshua says with pride, though his hands are balled into fists. Tense, and Neku bets he'd give a lot to be able to run from this conversation, from Hanekoma's betrayal and his betrayal of Neku. Too bad.

"No surprise there," Neku mutters. If it had, if Joshua'd been erased before he could kill Neku, then none of this would have happened.

Meeting Shiki, meeting Beat and Rhyme, meeting _Joshua_ \-- nah. He'd've just stayed the hateful jerk he knows he'd been, too afraid of being hurt to reach out to anyone. It's not a nice thought.

Neku's never going to be grateful, given how many people were hurt as a direct consequence of Joshua's actions, but if Joshua _hadn't_ done what he did ….

It doesn't matter. Some things are unforgivable; you just acknowledge the hurt and move on as best you can. And this, too, is Joshua's reparations.

Neku cracks a weak smile at Joshua, a reminder he doesn't hate him, and Joshua's hands loosen. Neku lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

And they've only just started.

Hanekoma hums, thinking. "I suppose you already figured out I supplied the Red Skull pins," he muses, and Neku freezes.

"And why the _fuck_ would you have done that?!" he screeches, and he really wants something to throw, something to break. If he still wore his headphones around town, he'd go for that, because _fuck_ if he wants anything to do with Gatito right now.

Hanekoma shrugs. "I was just the supervisor, remember," he says, and that is _so_ not an excuse.

"You could have _done_ something!" he yells. "You didn't have to -- all those days running from reapers who didn't even know what they were doing, and it was _you_ all along."

"Don't you think I tried!?" Hanekoma roars, and Joshua stands up, face hard.

"Calm down, both of you," he orders, and like _hell_ Neku wants to do that. Joshua wasn't there that third week; Joshua's never woken up with nightmares; Joshua thought the damn thing was _funny_.

> ` To right the countless wrongs of our day, we shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise.`  
>  `What a wonderful world such would be ….`

Hanekoma and Neku mouth that _fucking_ mantra together, and Neku doesn't even realise he's doing it until he's through it.

"I _tried,_ Neku," Hanekoma says again, and fuck him. Just … just fuck him, and fuck Joshua, and fuck the _entire goddamn UG._ Fuck! "I could help the conductor's plan, or I could just let Shibuya fall. Those were my options."

"It's not Shibuya if _everyone's brainwashed,_ " Neku growls, and he's pretty sure if he went in for a fist fight, Mr H'd oblige him. Fucking hell. Doesn't stop him from rising to his feet, though, fists clenched --

\-- and then he can't move, and from the looks of it, Mr H can't, either. "My, what wonderful weather we're having!" Joshua says brightly, gesturing grandly to the ceiling. "I'm thinking partly cloudy with a chance of _calm the fuck down;_ how about you?"

Uh. "I … guess?" Neku says, at the same time as Hanekoma's sheepish, "Sorry, boss."

Joshua doesn't let them go immediately, though, preferring to set Neku back down on the couch and dump some pillows on top of them both. "If you cannot behave as functioning members of society," Joshua states, "I will have to take _drastic measures._ "

Kind of rich, coming from him, but he sort of has a point.

"Now apologise to each other," Joshua adds.

Neku and Hanekoma mutter something that might have included an apology while watching the fish in the floor, until Joshua nods sharply and sits back down. "Better," he says flatly. "What else, Sanae?"

"Well," he says, thinking about it, "that tracker app your phones had was to track the conductor's imagination …."

Neku should really ask for a run-down for their world sometime, but that can probably wait. "Not the Shibuya River?" he checks anyway.

"I needed to know Megumi's plan," Joshua explains. "He spent his time here almost exclusively, anyway, so it worked for both purposes with a little recalibration." He hums, hand by his chin. "Though that doesn't explain why it also tracked Minamimoto …."

"Actually, it does," Hanekoma mutters, coughing. Joshua's usual smirk widens.

Neku raises his hand. "Uh, how?"

"They were fucking," Joshua drawls.

… wait, what? "Didn't they try to kill each other?" he starts, growing pink, but Joshua just looks at him. "Right, okay, reapers."

And Hanekoma can tell who's banging who. No wonder Joshua didn't want to fool around. Neku might actually consider remaining celibate for the rest of his life. … okay, no, but still.

"What was the deal with Pi Face and the Taboo Noise, anyway?" Neku asks. That whole thing was _weird_ , and there'd been that photo ….

"I taught him," Hanekoma says simply, and it's not a surprise but it still hurts to hear. "Had him wreck my shop before I went off, too, which was a _total pain_ , let me tell you."

Joshua steeples his fingers, watching the table. "Not as big of a pain as calling in the repair job in Udagawa," he says neutrally. "The Higher Plane's uncooperative at the best of times …"

"… and cleaning up illegal shit when they ain't even got someone to punish properly's not the best of times," Hanekoma finishes. "Joshua bailed me out, 'cause everything I did, I did for Shibuya." And he doesn't seem to regret it at all, either. The fuck even.

"It was the least I could do," he replies, and Neku can't read what passes between them and doesn't know if he'd want to. Hanekoma'd been _so much worse_ than he'd thought, and Neku suspects he's going to have to break down for a while once he's out of this, but everything he'd done to Neku … Neku was just collateral damage.

Neku would've just been collateral damage last week, too.

That doesn't make it better. That just … kind of makes it harder to comprehend, actually. _Joshua_ had been acting out of selfishness and spite; Neku can understand that, even if he doesn't like it. Mr H? Mr H would've had him destroyed a dozen times over just because he was there. If he acts like this to people he likes at all, how the hell does he treat his enemies?

Well.

"Joshua said you tried to kill an alternate me," Neku says slowly, feeling it out. "What was that about?" It can't be as bad as it sounds. Can it?

Hanekoma shrugs. "Just curious about your capabilities, that's all. You were busy in the Game, and we had a bit of time to kill before the conductor's timer'd go, so Josh and I figured we'd duel an alternate you. No biggie."

`Oh, that's perfect. That's truly perfect. That is the least objectionable thing I've ever heard in my entire fucking hellpit of a life, and that includes 'I've collected your entry fee'! Yeah, I'm sure murder is no big deal or anything. I bet the other Neku thought this was absolutely dandy. God, no _wonder_ Joshua's such a shitbag if this is his best friend; do you two just make competing over who can be the biggest fucking asshole into a bonding moment? Quick, let's see if we can fit a goddamn watermelon in there! **I hate you all!**`

Was any of that out loud? Neku has _no fucking idea_ , but Joshua's staring at him in astonishment and Hanekoma looks sort of impressed, so maybe these mindreading fucknuggets got at least part of it. En-fucking-joy, assholes!

Fucking hell.

There's a moment of silence, before Joshua starts clapping. "Bravo, Neku," he says, and god, Neku wants to punch his face in! ( _No god jokes, Joshua! He means it!_ ) "For posterity, I'd like to note that _I_ asked the other Neku first, while Sanae for some reason decided to ambush him."

Neku stares.

"There are reasons the other Sanae never wants to see him again," Joshua adds.

"Yeah, yeah, everyone's a critic," Hanekoma mutters, and Neku might actually kill him. Okay, no, probably not, but fuck, if Hanekoma handed him a gun right now, Neku could -- be damn sure that anyone who _did_ shoot would be doing the world a favor.

Fuck.

Fuck, who the fuck is he kidding; Neku couldn't kill anyone. (Except 777, a voice in his head reminds him, and he unfortunately knows without a doubt it's him. Pinky and Lollipop, too, and even if they'd tried to kill him … they'd've died otherwise. Well, been erased. It's still different than killing people for shits and giggles.)

(Or betraying them to save your own sorry ass, but Shiki's forgiven him for that. Neku doesn't know if Pinky and Lollipop know they'd be erased if it weren't for Beat, and they probably wouldn't care, but fuck. Beat's such a better person than Neku is.)

Neku takes a deep breath and holds it, then another one. A third might not be a bad idea, either. "Is there anything _else_ I should know?" he says finally. "Joshua?"

Joshua shrugs.

"Hey, Josh," Hanekoma says, and it's amazing how Neku ever thought his sly smirk looked trustworthy. "You ever tell him his last entry fee?"

"Entry fee?" Neku echoes.

"For your duel," he explains, and Neku's back is flat against the couch. He thought that was _done_.

"N-no," Neku says, voice wavering, and Joshua's perfectly still. "I just … I just sort of figured he decided to give it back."

Joshua looks at a spot a bit below Neku, shaking his head. "No, returning a loser's entry fee is impossible. I couldn't have done it if I tried."

"So … I didn't get it back," Neku concludes, and he wonders why Hanekoma brought it up. Revenge? Or just making sure Joshua has to come clean, too? Somehow, Neku's having trouble ascribing him altruism.

"No," Joshua confirms. "And as I promise it wasn't your memories and you'd never noticed, I gather its loss isn't too important, hm?"

"Can you do that?" Neku asks. "Just … claim an entry fee they won't care about?" And why would he have done that for Neku, when everything about that was Joshua trying to go out with a bang?

Hanekoma shakes his head. "Gotta be the most important thing to them, or reasonably interpretable as such, anyway. There's some wiggle room."

"Shibuya," Neku trails off, and Joshua looks very nearly sheepish.

"Shibuya was _my_ entry fee, actually," he mutters, and it takes a moment to process that.

If Shibuya was _Joshua's_ entry fee, and the loser doesn't get theirs back …. " ** _You mean Shibuya was doomed even if I killed you?!_** "

He's standing up; he's towering over Joshua and he doesn't remember moving, and Joshua just looks calmly up at him and says: "Yes."

Neku splutters.

"It's brilliant, isn't it," he continues. "All that effort to keep me from destroying Shibuya, and instead, the moment that duel started, I won. It wouldn't have worked for anyone else, of course," and he's getting into it, his grin widening and never quite reaching his eyes, "but I _did_ \-- do, really -- love Shibuya. The Underground was collapsing; I wouldn't _dream_ of letting someone else put it out of its misery. It'd been mine for so long, you realise --"

Neku punches him, and Joshua flies off the chair. "You complete bastard," Neku growls, and Hanekoma barely even fucking cares. No surprise there, though! God!

"You called?" and he's smirking. His lip's bloody and Neku's hand hurts and Joshua's still smug as can be, like all the world's a joke and he's the only one who's seen the punchline. Hell, maybe he can call the other Neku over: Neku's sure there's enough people who want him to get his just deserts to form a queue.

"What did you take from me," he snarls, and Joshua laughs.

"Nothing you would have had anyway, I assure you!" he says, mocking, and Neku could hate him.

Neku does hate him, really, but … sometimes the only way to win is not to play. "I see," he says instead, deflating.

Joshua pulls himself off the floor and perches himself on top of the other couch, his feet brushing Hanekoma's vest. "You do," he says, not quite a question, and Hanekoma smiles. Maybe he does care, in his own way, but that's little enough in his defense.

"I see I still can't trust you to answer a direct question," Neku states, and he turns to walk away.

"Neku?" Joshua says, and "Neku!" but Neku's already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy your weekend 8D


	23. In Which Joshua is a Fine Example of Mental Stability, Thank You Very Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanekoma is in this one; mention of suicide

Joshua watches him go.

He could stop him, he knows. Neku's just a human, after all, no matter what Joshua's done to him, and Joshua can play him like a drum set, but there'd be no point shifting him to Joshua's rhythm.

He wouldn't be Neku then, and Joshua can be better than that. Neku thinks Joshua's better than that.

Neku's not the greatest judge of character; case in point.

"Sanae," Joshua says, glancing down at him. Sanae looks back, dispassionate. "I bet you're proud of yourself," he mutters, and he hops down to join him.

"Eh," he replies. "I've had better days." Joshua's fault, he supposes; he didn't have to … try to make it up to Neku, or whatever fool idea had gotten into his head. Then they wouldn't be in this mess, and he could have ….

He could have left their wounds to fester even more than they already had, that's what he could have done. Hearing Sanae put his betrayal into words _hurt_ , but it was going to come up sometime: at least now he knows; he's let it be real.

It was doomed anyway, whatever 'it' is.

And yet even knowing Sanae's tried very seriously and very thoroughly to make sure 'Joshua Kiryu' is no more, leaving Sanae's side sounds about as appealing as showing up in Minamimoto's flat with a bow around his neck and a sign saying he's the composer. Foolish.

"It's okay, Josh," Sanae says, wrapping a wing around him. "Least now it's all out in the open."

"Not quite," Joshua mutters, leaning into the embrace. There _is_ one thing he can do, he realises, taking out his phone.

` What you wanted most was to live a normal life with your friends,` Joshua types out as he cleans up his face. Joshua might've goaded him into it, but Neku must've meant it, for it to hurt like that; all Joshua is is will and soul and Shibuya, nothing really there to bleed or break.

He's so, so tempted to not actually send it, but … it's really the bare minimum, as Neku might think, so he does, not expecting Neku to reply.

But Neku does anyway: `What?`

`You and your friends are still involved with the UG because you lost, Neku,` Joshua says, and: `Sorry.`

There's no reply to that, and while a while ago Joshua might've been frantic, might've scanned Neku for signs his presence might not be entirely unwelcome, today he's just tired.

"He didn't deserve you, anyway," Sanae says, and either way he means it, it's still true. It's a bad match, the city-god and the living boy; their lives have nothing in common and there's no way it would have worked. Even if this hadn't happened, at best they'd just have drifted apart.

"He's my friend," Joshua says, like it explains everything, and buries his head into Sanae's side. He hasn't cried in a long while and he's not going to start now, but even so, he keeps _shaking_ and his _voice would crack_ and he's not used to thinking about his body, really, just some antiquated nonsense he keeps around for when he can't help but down-tune, but right now he's grateful that Sanae, at least, is always there.

Except when he wasn't, and that, he doesn't know how to handle.

* * *

Def Märch has the decency to _ask_ first before claiming part of Joshua's pad to practice in, and he's grateful. It means he can take his time kicking out Sanae, rather than rushing, and right now Joshua deeply appreciates having someone to read the tabloids with.

Megumi never seemed to think they were funny, only kept notes of _who_ and _what_ and _how long_. Neku would be different, Joshua thinks.

Megumi is erased, and Neku is -- Joshua doesn't know if Neku would ever want to work with him.

This is useless, he decides. He's not getting any work done anyway; he might as well do _something_ to cheer himself up. What Sanae doesn't know won't hurt him. Probably.

The Tin Pin universe is off-limits, unfortunately; he can't leave his Shibuya like this. Instead he leaves a clean-up checklist on the table for the band, and heads up to Dogenzaka.

No reapers around -- not at the moment, anyway -- so he confidently strides into Ramen Don, letting the sigil pull him to the right frequency.

"Welcome!" Mr Doi says, and even if he's not who Joshua wanted, he smiles and waves to him anyway. "Ah, it's you," he adds, brightening. "I've got a new experiment I'd like you to try, or -- no, you look like you need some comfort food," he decides. "I'll have your shio ramen in a minute, don't you worry."

"Thank you very much, sir," he says, heading straight for his customary seat in the corner, and feeling a distinct pang of loss at Neku not sitting across from him. What is he even _doing_ here, he wonders.

"Aww, it's nothing for one of the boys who saved my shop!"

Joshua smiles charmingly. "I just did what anyone would have done, Mr Doi," he says, and it's even sort of true.

Even after undoing most of the damage, Shibuya still remembers his Game with Megumi, for better or worse. Joshua might have only been thinking of his plans, but he and Neku still managed to do a lot of good, and it's humbling, in a way. Joshua suspects he could get more cooperation from Def Märch just by informing them he'd solved their mystery than any number of reaper employment perks, and _that_ , they could have done by talking to each other.

Sometimes the simplest solutions are also the hardest.

He muses on that as he slurps his noodles, and even manages not to jump when Yashiro and Kariya walk in. A pity he can't make a clean escape unless he wants to offend _another_ person who's passingly fond of him, and besides, Mr Doi's experiments are always fascinating. There's nothing like an artist at work, nothing at all; _the secret ingredient is love_ stopped being a catchphrase the moment he became composer. Creativity, imagination, and years of refinement: the flavors any senior reaper notices first and foremost, and the composer is most senior at all. (He could try to explain to Neku, show him _exactly_ what he's missing by clinging onto his fragile mortality -- but no, he doesn't want to hear it and may not want to hear much of anything from him again.)

And the reapers have no way of recognising him, and couldn't harm him in this establishment, anyway, not if they don't want the Higher Plane to fall on them. A composer needs neutral areas to work in; it's hard to see the forest for the trees, sometimes, and not every Underground can afford a full cadre of reapers.

"I'd like to try your latest experiment, if you don't mind," he informs Mr Doi, and it's absolutely _delicious_. The creamy broth, the delicacy of the noodles, the meat that's just on this edge of falling apart … Joshua is completely thrilled, and tells him so.

He makes no effort to stifle his moans of delight as he goes, either, and Kariya is staring at him. Joshua inclines an eyebrow: he can enjoy his meal, can't he? It's hardly as though he's disturbing anyone. They can all slurp their noodles with all the decorum they please; _Joshua_ is in paradise, and would like everyone to know it.

Kariya lifts _both_ his eyebrows and turns away, suddenly engaged in conversation, and Joshua pauses. He isn't giving himself away, is he? -- oh, **HELL** , he's projecting, and in sudden horror he cuts it off, which is exactly the _wrong_ thing to do. No one should be able to tell, not with the reaper sigil forcing everyone into the RG, but the sudden lack of _I'm happy you're happy_ ….

Joshua is a fool and careless besides, and this was a _bad_ idea.

He's sorely tempted to simply scarf down his food and leave, but this magnificent creation deserves better than that and **he doesn't want to**. What is the point of being in charge if he can't do what he pleases, he asks you, and so he settles in to out-wait the reaper pair, nursing his meal as slowly as he can manage.

A pity he can't indulge himself by sending his reapers pictures of food in an experiment to see who's brave enough to suggest their composer is going senile; showing Kariya his ramen would be … unwise, if not downright suicidal. And Joshua is many things, but he's not --

\-- … huh.

He doesn't _think_ he is, anyway. _Is_ he? It wouldn't be the first time, anyway, even if he had _perfectly good reasons_ for it, thank you, and … huh. Trying to destroy one's important relationships _can_ be a warning sign ….

Nah, he decides. What do they know, anyway. Joshua is perfectly fine.

Joshua's phone buzzes, and even though he _knows_ it isn't Neku, he checks it anyway. Oh, hell, Kariya sent him a ramen photo. Would it be suspicious to ignore it? He _must_ know the composer rarely leaves the heart of His dominion; Joshua like as not wouldn't have anything to photograph in the first place. But letting the reaper get the jump on him _again_ leaves a foul taste in his mouth.

Ah. He has an idea. He looks online for a moment, then sends him the [most horrendous cake he can find](http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/baby-shower-cakes-made-of-nightmares#.ls945x1jq), and is immediately rewarded with Kariya's sounds of disgust.

"Uzuki, look at this shit," he growls, and Yashiro shrieks.

"Why would They even _send_ you that?!"

But before Kariya can reply, Mr Doi towers over them in stern disapproval. "Kids, can I help you?" he says pointedly, and they decline apologetically. Well, Kariya does, anyway; Yashiro awkwardly stumbles through something that might be an apology for the disturbance, unsure how to handle any situation she can't fight her way out of. Typical.

Joshua smiles into his ramen. The world is an incredible place, and he's glad to be in it.

`Sir, I was eating,` Kariya texts back, and Joshua's grin widens.

`My dearest apologies,` he types, and he's not sorry at all. From Kariya's determined scowl, he knows that, too, and Joshua watches with satisfaction as they shove down their meals, trying to get _something_ out of it before going off to erase or round up Noise. (It's Saturday, so it could go either way; Joshua generally runs two Games a month and starts them on Mondays, and they've both Player _and_ Noise quotas to meet.)

And then they're gone, and Joshua can finally breathe easily. Figuratively, of course; he hasn't been breathing at all, and _damn_ him for forgetting. He doesn't think Kariya had been paying enough attention, and _Yashiro_ certainly wasn't, but he _knew_ he's a person of interest. Everyone knows Neku has an ash-blond friend, and that his other friends were unquestionably in the Game with him; Joshua suddenly and deeply regrets wiping everyone's memories of Neku's week two partner and leaving Minamimoto's awareness that Neku had been partnered with the composer. It would have been infinitely less suspicious the other way around, but he _thought it would be funny_ , and as funny it might have been, he should have planned for the possibility of Neku dragging him out of obscurity.

It sounds like just another of Minamimoto's conspiracy theories -- he certainly has enough of them -- but Kariya is sharp enough to recognise the grain of truth, if he has reason to think of it. And Kariya and Atarashi are both more than sharp enough to notice a correlation between the disappearance of the strange young man who saw them in the UG and the rise of the first composer in over a decade with any staying power.

 _Damn_ him, and now that he thinks to check … _Yashiro_ is gone. _Kariya_ waits right outside, frequency raised to the UG and position leaving him able to observe anyone who leaves the shop before they exit the door. If Joshua up-tunes the moment he escapes the sigil, Kariya will know, and Joshua may never be able to descend to the RG again. Joshua is well and truly fucked.

` If I never see you again,` he types out to Neku, because Neku deserves to know, `thank you for everything.` He looks over it again, then clicks send.

Time to face the Music.


	24. In Which Neku Has Some Sense Beaten Into Him

Neku makes it all the way to the Bitou place without thinking about what he's doing or why, and if Beat doesn't turn out to be there, he'll … something. Find Shiki, maybe.

But _something_ in this godforsaken shit of a day goes Neku's way _for once_ and Neku knocks on the door and Beat's there. He takes one look at him and pulls him into a hug, dragging him along to the couch.

"You look like hell," Beat says, and scrunches his face up. "Okay, no, you're still cute, but you look like hell."

"I feel like hell," Neku confirms, and _fuck_ , is he getting snot on someone for the _third time today_? Today is fired. Today is so totally fired.

Beat pats him on the back, a bit awkwardly, and eventually says: "You wanna talk about it? The folks are out with Rhyme for a while." And Neku does, actually, only the thought of going through some of that _again_ brings out huge, wracking sobs.

"Joshua and I had a fight," he manages, and: "Mr H is an asshole, you don't even _know_." And now that he's out of there … yeah, he completely did that on purpose. There's no way he didn't know Joshua'd lash out at the nearest target, and Neku's mad, yeah, but. Joshua wasn't the only one at fault there.

That doesn't help anything any. That just means Hanekoma used them both _again_.

"Hey, man," Beat says, pulling him into his lap and running his hand through his hair. "It'll be okay, don't you worry." Neku only wishes he had such optimism.

He just lies there for a while, enjoying Beat massaging his scalp, and -- fucking _hell_ can Joshua leave him alone for once? Hasn't he done enough today?

Neku scowls and pulls out his phone, as Beat reads over his shoulder, concerned.

`What you wanted most was to live a normal life with your friends.` Yeah, no shit, but -- wait. What?

Did … did Joshua just give him the answer? `What?` Neku types back, sure this _has_ to be a trick.

` You and your friends are still involved with the UG because you lost, Neku,` Joshua sends back, and Beat and Neku let out a hiss of breath. That … that actually explains a lot, now that he thinks about it, and _that's_ an entry fee Neku's not sure he'd want back. Maybe for Beat, Shiki, and Rhyme's sakes, but as much as the UG causes Neku pain … there's a beauty to it, too, and he can't picture _not_ always wondering if there are Players fighting for a second chance at life. He knows, now, and as awful as it is, at least somebody sees their efforts.

` Sorry,` Joshua adds, and Neku isn't sure _what_ to think. He's still a bastard, but … he didn't have to tell Neku that, and Neku honestly wasn't expecting an apology. Especially not one that's _actually an apology_.

"Joshua is an asshole," Neku tells Beat, biting his lip, "but …."

"'But?'" Beat repeats.

"I still don't think he's a bad person," he states. "Mr H, though? Mr H is _awful._ "

And Beat looks _stricken_ , and Neku remembers that he'd saved Beat's life, he'd helped Rhyme, he'd done _so many fucking things_ , and Neku has to, then, he has to tell Beat the whole sorry story. He leaves out Mr H's title and -- species, form of being, whatever -- but the rest? Yeah, Beat needs to know that and even if it happened a while ago, Neku can't keep it to himself.

Beat's quiet through the whole thing, but once Neku's done, once Neku's gotten to his and Joshua's latest shitty fight, he punches the couch and swears, long and loud. "I'll fucking kill him," he says, and Neku's face burns at his anger on Neku's behalf. "Just say the word and I'll be there. That damn café won't know what hit it."

"… and Joshua?" he says, a bit warily.

Beat sighs. "From the sound of it, he's probably as upset as you are. Let him stew in it for a bit, then call him when you're up for it." At Neku's blank expression, he pats him on the shoulder. "You think he's the first person to lash out at the wrong fucking guy?"

"No, but …." He'd thought Beat'd be angrier, for some reason.

"He sounds like a total asshole to me," Beat states, "and I don't think he's worth it, but I trust _you._ "

"Beat …."

"You'd hate yourself if you let this be the end of it," he says frankly, meeting his eyes. "You want to let that fucking barista win?"

Of course not, and Beat knows it. Neku takes a deep breath and nods decisively. "Okay, I'll call him."

"Later," Beat adds. "Let's go get some Sunshine."

Damn right.


	25. In Which Joshua Kept His Eyes on the Prize and Not His Ears to the Streets

Joshua takes a moment to … settle his stomach, as it were, settles his tab with Mr Doi, and steps outside, keeping himself firmly in the RG. Kariya follows behind him, still UG, but maybe if Joshua waits long enough, he can lose him in the crowds.

Haha, if only.

"You know," Kariya says casually, and Joshua keeps a straight face and walks towards the 104 building, "I've been wondering about you for a while, hanging out with Phones and all."

Don't acknowledge him, that's the key. Joshua is a normal human boy and certainly doesn't hear ghosts; of course, Mother, he was only pretending. He can do this.

(No one better to sniff out a rat than a rat.)

"I mean, I _know_ you can hear me," he continues. "Least, I think so. All of Phones's friends are a bit strange, but you? I ain't never seen you around town without him before, and I keep a pretty good lookout."

Just. Keep. Walking. Joshua intentionally moves into a group of people, but it's harder than he thought to _stay solid_ ; he's never had to do this before and _Kariya_ has no such restrictions. He is so completely fucked.

"So, kid, who are you, really? The composer? Somebody else? I don't mean any harm; you got to know by now I _hate_ responsibility, and the last thing I want is to get known for laying a hand on one of Phones's friends. I got a reputation to look after, you know?"

Fuck this. Joshua drops down to the ground and returns to his natural frequency in one smooth motion, sweeping Kariya off his feet and way up, past where his wings'll tolerate for long. Good thing he won't have to: he drops Kariya down on the floor of Joshua's throne room, soul staticking out in the face of the Composer's full power. **"Did you want something,"** Joshua snarls, and if it comes to a fight, Joshua _should_ win but he doesn't trust it, doesn't trust anything in the face of this reaper who knows everything, has been everywhere.

And Kariya's terrified, hands up and wings down. "Boss, I --" he starts, and Joshua doesn't have the energy to care anymore. He's done.

"Go ahead," he says, so very tired. "Do what you will."

And he's still scared, sure his composer will erase him for his indiscretion, but slowly he straightens. "Boss, I …" he says again, and clears his throat. "I don't want your job," he states, and he's lying, he has to be lying. _Everyone_ wants his job, everyone but Neku, and Neku is … probably as fed up with him as Sanae must be. "I don't want your job," he repeats, more confident. "Boss, I have _never_ wanted your job; do you think I couldn't have gotten it ages ago if I wanted?"

Joshua snorts. Touché. "And you have no intention of informing Yashiro about Me, I'm sure."

Kariya shrugs. "And get the kid into more trouble than she gets into on her own?" He pulls out one of his trademark bean pastes for effect. "If you want to retire," he says frankly, "sure, she'd take it, but we both know she wouldn't last a month like this. She's too young."

Older than Joshua was, he doesn't say. He simply stares down at the reaper.

"You do a good job, boss. Not my place to tell You you can't quit if you want to, but it won't be by me."

He doesn't know what to say to that, _couldn't_ know what to say to that, and while he tries to puzzle out what that might mean, his phone rings. Kariya jumps, and if they were anywhere else, he's sure he would switch frequencies, but Joshua gestures for him to stay put and picks up his phone.

"Hey, Josh, it's me," Neku says, and a whole mess of emotions flash through him.

"Neku," Joshua says blankly, and Kariya's eyebrows shoot up.

Neku takes a deep breath and: "What the _fuck_ did you think you were doing?! I thought you were dead, asshole!"

 _I am dead,_ he wants to quip, but he thinks Neku might truly be pissed if he did, right now. "Neku, I --"

"No!" Neku shouts. "None of this 'Neku, I --' bullshit as you try to figure out what to say to get me to calm down! _What was that message?!_ "

"Message?" he echoes, and Kariya is trying not to laugh at him, he knows it. "I was trying to apologise, but I'm kind of in the middle of something, so can this wait?"

No, apparently not. "Tell Mr H to get his ass out of there because he's _not helping, asshole!_ " Neku yells, and that, Joshua doesn't know what to do with.

"He's … not here right now," he replies cautiously, extremely aware of his audience. "Do you need me to pass that on, or --"

And now _Neku's_ confused, too, which … is that a good sign or a bad one, Joshua has no idea how to tell. "How the hell are you busy without Mr H there."

Oh, come on, Joshua could be busy with _plenty_ of things by himself. "I'm talking to Kariya, actually."

"Kariya?" he echoes.

"I'm putting you on speaker."

And he does, despite Neku's protestations and Kariya's attempts to ollie out. Neku has to stop for breath _sometime_ , and when he does: "Yo," Kariya says.

"Kariya?" Neku repeats.

"Yep," he replies, giving Joshua a thumbs up.

"Lollipop," explains Joshua, and the thumbs up swiftly becomes a thumbs down.

Neku takes a deep breath and counts to ten instead of gifting them with another outburst, and Joshua's proud, really. "What's Kariya doing there?" he says, and it's _what do I need to avoid_.

"He discovered that I, Joshua Kiryuu, am the composer," he says lightly, like it doesn't matter, and Kariya winces. Nobody much appreciates an information leak, even if it was an accident waiting to happen, and if Joshua were more sensible, he'd've erased either him or the memories already. Probably both: Kariya's been around long enough to be dangerous all on his own. And then he might as well take apart the entire Shibuya UG, while he's at it. It's a good thing Joshua isn't sensible.

Neku bites his lip, puzzling that out. "So you sent me a message in case he erased you," he surmises, and Joshua doesn't dignify that with a reply. Yes, obviously. "How the hell did he even figure that one out?"

"When a man loves a woman very much," he starts, but Kariya cuts him off:

"Your composer's an idiot, that's how," Kariya states, and Joshua's eyes widen at the frank familiarity. "And _you_ , Phones, need to make some friends who ain't UG, because if I can tell, everyone else can get there, too. Not everyone's as nice as me."

"I don't think you're nice at all," Neku grumbles. "… so it's my fault?" he says, and Joshua winces.

"Absolutely not," and it's even mostly true. "Neku," he starts, and he -- doesn't know what to say. The truth, he supposes. "I'm sorry. I should not have done that."

"No, you shouldn't have," Neku agrees calmly. "Are we still friends?"

Joshua swallows. "If you'll have me," he manages, and Kariya looks away.

`Sorry, boss,` he sends quietly.

Neku's judging him, he knows. "Okay," he says. "And Lollipop? If anything happens to him, I will _end_ you."

What Neku could do if Kariya took him down, Joshua has no idea, but he appreciates the sentiment all the same. Kariya just grins. "Ayup," he declares, flashing the victory sign. "No worries, Phones, I don't want a shitty composer any more than you do."

"Okay," Neku says again. "And Josh? I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"All right, Neku," he says, feeling inadequate, and: "Thank you." He ends the call. Kariya shakes his head.

They stare at each other for a while, but Kariya breaks the silence first. "So, composer," he muses.

"Yes," he states.

"We met before?" Joshua nods, and he keeps going: "I'd considered it for a while, that the one who nailed the last boss might've been that brat kid who'd see us no matter what we did, but I kinda thought …." Kariya trails off.

"That I wasn't good enough?" Joshua finishes, too sharp and knowing it. The human him was a fool; he tries not to think of him, and yet … and yet he keeps having to, lately. Unfortunate.

Kariya chuckles, and Joshua suspects he'd've ruffled his hair. "Nah, a kid like you could've done anything you set your mind to," he says with certainty, and at least _someone_ else believed in him. "I didn't think you'd've just vanished and forgot about us, that's all."

Joshua blinks. He'd never considered anyone other than Sanae might have noticed. "I see," he says.

"Tell Coco you're you," Kariya orders, and it doesn't even grate. "She probably doesn't give half a shit -- you know how she is -- but she should still know." Joshua nods, mostly on autopilot. "And if you need anything, let me know. Work shit, personal shit, a good alibi, whatever."

"I will," he says, a bit stunned.

"And it's Kouki to you," he finishes, walking out.

"Joshua," he says back.

He can't wait to tell Neku.

* * *

`Atarashi, do you recall a Joshua Kiryu?`

`The live kid from a few decades ago? Of course I do. We used to have lunch together.`

`I've been the composer the whole time.`

`!!!!!! omg!!! you dont have to be so formal all the time josh!!!!`

`Of course, Coco.`

* * *


	26. In Which Neku Exits Stage Left

Neku rests his head on Beat's shoulder, _so_ glad he'd gotten chicken nuggets and ice cream before Joshua's worrying message and Neku's subsequent frantic call. Beat is _such_ a good friend and Neku's so lucky to have him, and they spend a lot of the rest of the day hanging out with Rhyme and helping her with her homework. They both know the Bitou parents are going to be twice as hard on her to _do her parents proud_ now that she's in high school, and that's … not going to make it easy for her to keep up with her schoolwork.

It's okay; Beat and Neku don't mind helping, even if they're both glad to never have to touch high school again.

Once Neku's getting a bit tired, he says his goodbyes and goes to find somewhere to chill for a bit.

`Shall we meet in Miyashita Park?` he texts Joshua, figuring that since Joshua can be anywhere in Shibuya effortlessly, one place should really be as good as another.

`I'm afraid not, Neku. Kouki'd be on my ass if I wander around so soon, and rightfully so.`

`Kouki?`

`Kariya. I'll explain later. For now, please either visit me or choose a Game shop; I've taken enough risks for one day.`

So, what, does Joshua now expect Neku to be remembering Lollipop's full name? To hell with that. `I guess I'll come by,` Neku replies, heading off. Joshua's pad is definitely pretty cool, but as fancy as it is, it's still in the sewer, and that's never gonna be cheery. Neku doesn't know how he can stand it; Neku feels like he'd seen enough of it just from today.

But, you know, it's still probably better than trying to have a private conversation in the middle of a store or a restaurant.

It doesn't take Neku long to get there -- he knows the way by now, and he suspects Shibuya keeps giving him a shortcut -- but once he hits the lounge, Neku has to stop and stare.

Because there's Joshua on the couch, _with other people_. Joshua lights up when he spots him and scoots over to make room, and Neku cautiously sits down.

Joshua. Actually with other reapers. What the hell.

"Neku," Joshua starts, voice wavering a bit, "these are Coco Atarashi and Kouki Kariya. Coco, Kouki, this is my friend Neku."

"We've met," Neku replies tersely. That irritating try-hard with the reaper shop, and the Lollipop harrier. Not exactly Neku's first picks for who Joshua'd want him properly introduced to.

"It wouldn't kill you to be polite, y'know!" the brat says, sticking out her tongue. `Reaper humor, lmao,` she adds, and that may be the biggest waste of telepathy Neku's ever seen.

"Eh, he's friends with Josh," Lollipop comments. "Anybody that guy likes probably thinks actions speak louder than words." He looks Neku over, and Neku has the distinct feeling he's being judged. "Aight, well, I'm off," he says, standing up and waving. "Coco?"

"Don't let that guy intimidate you," she mock-whispers to Neku. "He's basically a big softie."

And they're off, leaving a baffled Neku and an anxious Joshua. "I knew them when I was alive," Joshua says suddenly, and Neku stares.

"Did you," he replies, and he doesn't know how to react to that. Joshua's told him so little about his past; most of what Neku knows was from Mr H, and even that … Neku doesn't know how much truth there was. How much truth there _ever_ is in anything Hanekoma says, even when he's not trying to cover for the composer.

Neku slumps down, and watches Joshua. He looks so serious, all of a sudden. "All my life, there was the UG," Joshua murmurs. "The reapers, the Players, the Noise: I saw them all, and when I told people … no one believed me. Only Mr H. Just Sanae, for so long …."

"But you saw the reapers," Neku prompts, and he's not sure if Joshua wants him closer or farther. What Neku himself might want.

"I did," he confirms, "and they were there week after week, so I would -- talk to them sometimes, bring a snack to share. Just for some tangible proof that it was _real_ \--" He sighs. "I didn't think they would remember."

So that's why Lollipop figured him out, he realises, and Neku feels like an interloper, suddenly. All these people who've known him for longer than Neku's been around, and Neku's the one he wants to spend his time with. "How old are you, really?"

Joshua shrugs, leaning over to put his head in Neku's lap, if Neku wants, and Neku pulls him over. "I don't know, honestly," he mutters. "I was born after the war, I know that …. All the other reapers are gone by now, Neku, transferred or erased -- mostly erased -- and I never told them …."

"They'd forgive you for it," Neku says with certainty. "Everyone's a bit selfish at fifteen." And Joshua's been fifteen for a long time, or something like it.

Maybe he's growing up, too. "Aah, I suppose so," he sighs, and Neku rubs his head. "Neku?" he says eventually.

"Mm?"

"Will you be my conductor?" and Neku stops. "I'm not asking you to quit school," he adds.

"Good," Neku says flatly, because that's still not on the table, has never been on the table.

"I only …" Joshua trails off. Neku lets him. "I think I could make it official while you're alive, if you wanted," he says, hesitant.

Neku goes back to massaging Joshua's scalp. "What would that mean?" and it's _what do you want from me_ , _what do you expect me to give up for you_ and yet Neku doesn't quite mind the question. The presumption, yes, but there's been less and less of it.

The future is not yet written.

"Shibuya would have a conductor again," he says simply. "There aren't any set duties, really. Each composer and conductor pair works them out for themselves."

"And you would want …," Neku presses.

"Bring your new friends to Shibuya," he says immediately. "Make a shopping trip of it, anything. Just -- be here sometimes, please."

Neku lays a kiss on Joshua's forehead. "That, I can do."

* * *

Neku's going to need to head back to the station soon if he wants to get back before curfew, but there's one thing left to do. He heads down Cat Street and looks up at the familiar shopfront. Closed, of course, but isn't it always?

The door opens as soon as Neku knocks. "Hey, Phones," Hanekoma says, tired. "Bit late for you to be here, eh? Shop's closed."

"I only need a minute," Neku replies, and he doesn't walk in when Hanekoma gestures. "I noticed what you did there, when Joshua lost his temper."

"What about it?" And Hanekoma doesn't care, he doesn't fucking care and Neku's sick of it.

"I'm not going to forget that, that's all," he states, then adds: "Joshua's worth ten of you."

Hanekoma chuckles, but he doesn't say anything as Neku leaves, and that's … that's just how it is sometimes.

It's a beautiful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the fic! I hope you enjoyed it :Db
> 
> I don't know when the sequel'll be up, but if you'd be interested in betaing/cheerleading/general-ideas-bouncing, feel free to comment here or drop a message in my [tumblr askbox](http://surskitty.tumblr.com/ask); I pretty much feel the more, the merrier, so don't worry if you're interested but don't know if you have much useful to contibute: periodic 'I AM EXCITE' would be plenty. It involves notable amounts of JoshNeku smut but focuses on Neku & Shiki, Neku & Beat, Joshua & Kitaniji, and themes of grief & moving on with life. I do think the smut gives a bunch of characterisation details, but you shouldn't miss anything vital if you skim them.
> 
> If any of you happen to have opinions on the fact I included occasional illustrations, I'd love to hear them. Did they add anything for you? Should I continue on with them for other fics in this series? Would it make a significant difference to you if I instead tried to copy the TWEWY art style, though that isn't really my preference?
> 
> o7

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to [Keltena](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Keltena), [Quicksilver Ink](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Quicksilver_ink), and [Kim](http://archiveofourown.org/users/soudanidaitrashcollective), for betaing and helping me bounce off ideas.
> 
> Any questions/comments about characterisation or worldbuilding are completely encouraged; either put them in the comments or my [tumblr askbox](http://surskitty.tumblr.com/ask). :Db


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